Too ugly; Like women outside my race; Can't find love

[Pegasus]

If I was not blessed with being physically attractive despite what I have tried, what else can I do? Unfortunately, I cannot watch my friends talk to women with an unbiased thought in my head because they are good looking. I need to find a less than attractive guy and see how he does it. How do the average guys get women? I don't know. Some could be circumstance. Some could be years of courting.

 

Here is the big difference - good looking guys attarct girls by using their looks and only thing they need to do is back it up with something to keep them.

 

Ugly guys like you and me have to do much more work first to attract the girls and if that happens, to keep them. Kyo, I am ugly but had 2 really good looking girlfrineds (one for 4 years and other a lot shorter). Syrix can tell you that they were really good looking ones. The thing is that I've never ever saw any girl instantly attracted to me by my looks. It always need a lot more effort getting to know them without "dating" - just friends and later you might get a shot to build on that friendship if possible.

 

That is the way how it goes. And no, I'm not shy - I can approach any girl I'm interested in but because I'm not really attracted to looks, I never do that because if she looks pretty it does not mean she is attractive to me.

[Siriana]

Syrix can tell you that they were really good looking ones.

 

But still can't claim how Okie is ugly because he is affraid of posting his pic to Syrix

[Pegasus]

But still can't claim how Okie is ugly because he is affraid of posting his pic to Syrix

 

I don't want to be litigated for emotional pain by you after seeing my photo or in person

[Pegasus]

Kyo,

 

one more thing - from my experience - it might be different in other parts of the world: 90% of the girls will ditch you as soon as they see you if you're ugly - I know it, I went through it myself. From that 10 % left, 5% will just want to play with you for a while (have nothing better to do in their life), 3% will be crazy, but those 2% will rock your world, believe me.

 

Okie

[Jay Cutler]

I agree sometimes you can be too ugly to get a girl or at least a non-ugly girl.

 

But here's the thing: I bet you self-proclaimed ugly guys are not really ugly, probably just normal/average. I swear, I don't know how many times someone on the Internet claims they're ugly and then capitulates and shows their pic(s), it turns out they're not bad looking.

[galaxy71]

While that is all mostly good and sensible advice, what if he does all of that and still cannot get women? What would you tell him then?

 

I have learned how to do everything right and still cannot get women attracted to me. Sometimes, there comes a time when you cannot get women, regardless of what you do, due to your appearance.

 

In that respect, the most common - yet ridiculous - thing that Kyo or guys like us will hear would be to give someone you are not attracted to a shot and settle. Bad advice generally, but it works if you're really desperate, I'd say.

 

Wilhelm, you admitted in several posts that you have attracted women in the past. Many of them are women that you found very attractive. Your problem isn't due to your appearance. I think your problem is that you don't approach enough women. You discount places like bars and clubs. If you approach a women, you have a chance of getting a date from her. But if you don't approach her at all, you have NO shot of getting a date from that women. Whether a woman is worth of a relationship or not should take a backseat to learning how to interact with women. Worry about attracting a woman first, before trying to screen her for a relationship.

 

You want to know what would happen if he doesn't get any results if he follows my advice. I am going to tell you this. I want to know how he implemented the advice. You can have all the tools and techniques in the world from all the Don Juans and casanovas out there. But at the end of the day, it is you are responsible for putting the tools and techniques into practice. If he worries about what would happen if he does not get any success modeling himself after guys who are successful with women, he has already failed. A confident guy believes that he will succeed in any endeavor if he knows what to do and how to do it. He trusts that he has the knowledge and experience to get the results he wants. To approach women, a guy must be confident that he will succeed.

 

My advice is based on the idea that women do not care about looks as much as men do. Women are willing to overlook a guy's looks, if he has personality and a edge to him. The OP has a sense of humor and a personality. He just needs to learn how to convey the most attractive parts of himself to women.

 

You guys mention that you don't know any guys who are successful with women. Look at the guys who are confident and have good leadership skills. Those guys are usually the ones who are successful with women.

[Siriana]

My advice is based on the idea that women do not care about looks as much as men do. Women are willing to overlook a guy's looks, if he has personality and a edge to him. .

 

DEFINITELY.

I was never seeking a guy that had perfect look....I was more interested in a guy who is smart, has a job, persistent, appreciates women, know that marriage is more than me taking care of the kids and cooking all day, a guy who knows how to cook, who isn't an awfull driver, who knows how to listen to me, who can ignore my nagging every now and than, who shares the same values as I do - when it comes to money, education of kids, religon, friendships, morals......, who can deal with me since I am very stobborn etc. etc.....with all these requirements expecting him to be great looking is too .....UNREALISTIC

 

So if anyone wants to blame their average look for getting dates failure is wrong. You can always blame it on the lack of self - confidence. And luckly that can be changed.

[Leonhart]

Wilhelm, you admitted in several posts that you have attracted women in the past. Many of them are women that you found very attractive. Your problem isn't due to your appearance. I think your problem is that you don't approach enough women.

 

A confident guy believes that he will succeed in any endeavor if he knows what to do and how to do it. He trusts that he has the knowledge and experience to get the results he wants. To approach women, a guy must be confident that he will succeed.

 

It depends on my mood at the time, whether I believe I actually had their interest or not. If I'm in a good mood, then yes, all of their little, subtle body language and (occasionally) words were indications of interest. If I'm in a bad mood, then it was just mere coincidence; nothing more. Looking back on things, you can assume it either way... and to be honest, as Diggity always says, you'll never know unless (or until) you ask them out. And those opportunities are long past now.

 

A confident guy surely believes he will succeed with women. That's true. But confidence comes from past success. If a guy has done nothing but failed over and over again, and suffered rejection after rejection, then he will lack confidence. And perhaps, rightfully so. If someone is constantly being rejected, then maybe there IS something wrong with the guy - not the women he is dealing with. Just a thought.

[Sweet-Savage]

(Long post, read at your discretion)

 

Well I've had my fair share of disappointments, I mean I don't consider myself attractive and neither do I consider myself unnatractive but I often get the feeling I've been overlooked by girls/women in the past. I remember a mate of mine telling me that I looked like a killer which didn't bother me at the time, but I'm sure that was a major turn off for the girls I looked at in college. I always wondered why a lot of girls in class asked me if I was alright (I never looked happy)

 

Still I have a friend who is exactly the same as me, or used to be as I've changed considerably and despite the fact he's had girls flirt with him in school (flirting that was totally obvious) and college as well as the occasional look on the street he's convinced that it means nothing. Now this pisses me off since he disregards all the flirts, looks and comments from girls despite the fact I have never had anything like that happen to me once.

If you've been out with at least one person in your life you must have been doing something right at the time otherwise why would that person go through all that trouble, they must see something good in you.

 

As far as attractive guys go most of them that I know at work are a joke, both of the attractive guys have cheated on their girlfriends twice each and I'm wondering why their girlfriends even bother, I think they think just because they have the looks they can get away with that kind of thing which is bull * * * *. A female colleague told me that I was the most attractive out of the three of us but I don't know what to make of that and one of them supposedly gets female customers asking about him which I think is a croc since none ask me about him (they're too busy talking to me ).

I've seen the guy when he serves girls and he doesn't really say much, and as for myself I regularily ask girls and guys how they're doing and what they plan to do over the summer holidays and wish them good luck with exams and stuff like that. Those customers really light up when I start a conversation with them and adding a big smile to that furthers it. Now regular customers often start chatting to me and girls that I 'would' have thought are out of my league seem to enjoy being served by me.

Anyway if I had known that little things like that could make a person's day I would have started sooner.

 

As well as positive things at work I also have or have had moral crushing moments, I remember asking a very nice girl out who works at Virgin. I talked to her whenever I went there (she started talking to me first about a cd I was buying) and I assumed she liked me although I was wrong as she said she had a boyfriend in probably the nicest way possible and I can accept that although I was down for the day she said whenever I was in the store to chat to her if she was around which made me feel that my efforts weren't in veign.

 

As far as looks go they will only get you so far, like I said to my mate and like others in this thread have said, if your not deformed then stop whining and if you've dated someone before don't take it for granted.

If you don't like the way you look either ask some friends (preferrably female) to give you some advice on the little things you think maybe need improving on yourself, the same goes for flirting as I've learnt a lot from friends as well as advice here.

Work on confidednce too, it's said more often than anything else around here but talking to people about anything might make their day and if it makes them feel better it can make you feel better too.

 

I'd say my standards for a girl are high for the girl I fancy but I don't give a damn as I believe any guy can get any girl and this applies to girls too and rather than just sitting there like an onlooker I've started to talk to her and will eventually ask her out than spend the rest of my life in regret. There's not really any excuse and if someone doesn't like you because of your looks then they are not worth * * * *.

 

I admit that I could improve on my looks, but I dress how I like and if girls I like have a problem with that it's theirs and not mine, I workout and it further boosts my confidence at work and with girls in general. It's hard for me not to be quiet and down but I'm working on it.

 

And if someone attractive is reading this and is asked out by a person they regard as average or below then let them down easy, don't give them the "you're so not my type" crap, the next time I hear that I'll start throwing punches.

[millmogs]

Kyoshiro,

Promise me that when you do get a girlfriend you won't "Blow it" by getting upset every time a super alpha male says hello to her or even gives her a smile.

Millmogs

[itsallgrand]

Kyo, now I badly want to see a pic. This is all for tension right?

 

I don't know if you look ugly or not. Maybe some would think you do look ugly.

 

At some point, someone - maybe not the girl you liked though or noticed - has been attracted to you. Yeah, you can argue it but more than likely and I'd bet a fair chunk of change on it that it's true.

 

Would you even take it seriously if someone was attracted to you? Would you believe it? Think it was a joke? Maybe shoot her down without really meaning to?

 

Photos! teehee.

[Leonhart]

I would also like to see Kyo's photo.

 

And if he looks anything like Kyo Kusanagi (another Kyo altogether) then he's got nothing to be worried over! lol

 

Even I had the balls to post my photo, so no one else has ANY excuse for not doing it!

[Pegasus]

Hehe, we could even make a thread - the ugliest ENA members and make a voting out of it ;-). I'm sure at least some of us would participate.

[Leonhart]

Somehow I don't think many would participate.

[Pegasus]

Somehow I don't think many would participate.

 

I'm sure they wouldn't ;-). But I would definitely...

[brenda2555]

well I am cute and I haven't had a date in years!

[Leonhart]

I'm sure they wouldn't ;-). But I would definitely...

 

Then what's stopping you, okie? Go ahead and start the topic off with your picture! lol

[Pegasus]

Then what's stopping you, okie? Go ahead and start the topic off with your picture! lol

 

I need a critical mass to start it ;-).

[itsallgrand]

A critical mass? ha!

 

I LOVE brenda's reply.