Considering seeing a therapist... advice?

[pandorasbox1]

Its been 6 weeks to the day since our initial breakup and its been a week since I told him I couldnt go on the way we were and that I needed to try and heal and move on... Though it was my decision, two days later he came to agree with it and told me that it was best we not speak to eachother for some time because we both have a lot we need to work on independently. The friends thing wasnt a complete failure but I wasnt getting what I needed from him. For some reason it seems like he may come back to me one day but that could be weeks, months or even a year from now. I still have this little flicker of hope that lives inside me and wont seem to extinguish itself out. I feel stupid.

 

Today I had to do everything I could not to contact him and its only been 4 days of official NC.

 

Im currently studying for a degree in psychology. I have been to a therapist once before about 5 years ago (so I was quite young still) and it helped me in so many ways I never even thought possible. She opened up the way I thought about things and I feel as though at the end of it I was a healthier and happier, more secure person. Somewhere down the line of this last relationship I lost myself and my bf (ex) could see that. My behaviours were a problem and I can honestly and openly admit that. Since the beginning of the year I had told him that I would be going to see a therapist, not just for me but also in the hopes that I could save my relationship. I never put this plan into action. Maybe my lack of action tipped it for him... I cant say I blame him.

 

I really want to see a therapist, not for him anymore, but for me. I feel as though I need someone who will be there for me and support MY healing process and not try and prescribe a process for me to follow, like one friend tried to do today. I feel like there are some deep seated issues Im not confronting that I need to, even though im generally quite a self aware person. I just feel lost and I feel like I need some guidance from a warm and caring individual who has MY best interests at heart.

 

Have any of you who have been to therapy after a breakup found it really useful?

I still love my ex and want to be with him but I know that I shouldnt live my life hanging onto a hope. I feel like Im a shell of myself and I feel like maybe therapy can help me rediscover myself more quickly and help me be at peace with myself and my situation?

Im scared that therapy turns me against him though, that if he does come back that I will hate him? I dont want that.

If him and I ever start a relationship again I want it to be different and I want to be a healthier person.

 

Any advice? comments?

[mhowe]

A good therapist will simply help you with your thoughts --- and processing your emotions. It will not "turn you against him".

 

It will make you healthier, and able to see with more clarity.

 

I say go for it.

[snapple]

I just started going to a therapist after a breakup of a long term relationship, and I must say it definitely has helped me. Just having an objective person to talk through issues with is extremely helpful. If you think it will be good for you, I don't see a reason not to try.

[El3216]

I have seen mine twice so far since the break up. The first time she asked me to recap what happened and I couldn't get a word in before I broke down and pretty much cried for an hour strait. I have never cried in front of a stranger before. Something was comforting about it and the next session I was much more stable with minimal choking up.

 

I recommend therapy to anyone even if your I'm a good relationship.

[bluevacuum]

I've been to therapy and it was a really good experience. Note, just like dating, you will have to keep trying different therapists until you find the one that feels best for you. Also, since you are in psychology, this will give you perspective on what a client will experience. The best therapists have undergone therapy themselves.

 

This is another step to a healthier you!

[lizardking999]

I've had some friends during the last few months that turned out to be EXCELLENT therapists and so even just good sound boards.

 

If you don't have friends that have this kind of insight, then a therapist would certainly benefit you! I'm not sure how I would have gotten through this tough time without friends to really talk me through my feelings, as opposed to just mates to drink at the pub with, which I think would have helped very little. Make sure to find someone who has dealt with this type of trauma before, and best of luck with it! : )