Lease: extend or move out? Would like some thoughts.

[Fudgie]

Fudge, remember this when you are figuring this whole thing out....your landlord is a real sweetheart, and that speaks volumes.....

 

My landlord is really awesome. I am going to poke around on CL for other places but I'm thinking I'm going to stay at least for another year. It's small but livable and everyone I talk to says I'll never find anything with that price again.

 

what about those stick on picture hooks that are not supposed to damage the wall?

 

Those things are awesome! I use them on the walls. However, I'd like to run a wire or a string from hooks on the ceiling. That's the only way. I have a partial wall separation almost 5 feet from the ground. The only way to make it complete would be ceiling hooks with some string and cloth.

[Fudgie]

Sadly, N and I have had to change our minds due to some recent crime in our street. We are moving to safer, nicer pastures. About $150 more a month but it's going to be much bigger AND I still don't have to pay utilities AND I'm going to be much safer than where I am now, unfortunately.

 

I blame the "ghetto rat" infestation. Moral-less vermin who sprawl out from the ghettos and rob people's houses during the day WITH THEM STILL HOME, one of them was even an attempted home invasion and possibly murder. I don't know if that's stupidity or sheer disregard for people's lives, because they clearly are ready to kill people inside. Maybe it's a combination of both.

 

We had some new questionable neighbours (consistent drunks, idle all day, getting police called for domestic issues like beating their girls, you know, just generally bad human beings and not contributing anything) accross the street move in just before this all happened, maybe it was their hoodlum cohorts or something. I wouldn't be surprised.

 

Everyone who knows me knows I love to save money. Well, both of our lives are worth more than that.

 

You can tell I'm angry/scared? I am.

[annie24]

Glad you are moving to a safer neighborhood. I pay a lot for rent to live in a safe neighborhood.

[Fudgie]

I see now that it's worth it.

 

To be fair, the street was fine when N and I moved in. Then some riff raff moved in and it's gone to he'll.

 

I called 911 this evening to report my neighbors lighting rockets in the street and doing drugs. I'm normally not anti weed but those guys were buttholes lighting rockets near my car, so I hope the cops take away all their expensive weed and give them citations.

 

 

Definitely time to haul out.

 

Now the issue with moving is I had a back injury and while I'm healed, I know I should life very heavy things this early. We will need to hire full service movers. How much does that go for?

 

I told the landlord and he gave me a good reference. We're applying to a place tomorrow so cross your fingers. It's much safer and in a nice neighborhood, not near the inner, inner city, yet is close to work and twice the space.

[annie24]

Full service as in they will pack up your stuff too? If you are moving accross town it won't be too much but I'm not sure about the wrapping. It's worth having movers though! They'll be done in 1 day. Call around today!

[Fudgie]

I use Angie's List so I have 2 companies in mind, and both have discounts through Angie's list. Both offer cleaning services too!

And I'm gonna need help. Have some stains in the carpet from my stupid cat. So since they will deep clean your carpet for you, well I might as well.

 

Do you know about how much it would be? Or not sure. The companies don't quote right on the site, I have to set it up and then find out.

 

The Full service includes them packing up my stuff (I'll do most of this myself), moving it all down for me, packing a truck properly, transporting it, then unpacking the truck and then taking it up to the apartment.

 

N and I are looking at top floor ideally...the place we're applying to has many top floor apartments available. Why top floor? Noise is better. But I'll need movers to take my furniture and stuff up the stairs!!

[Heather Dawn]

Hmm, sounds ideal except for the size issues! How long would it be before you guys moved out of state for a couple of years?

 

I'd suggest looking around well before your decision needs to be made - that way, if you find something bigger but comparable in all other ways, you can move; if not, you can stay - and there won't be any pressure to hurry up and decide.

 

My boyfriend and I live in a one-bedroom that's perfect for two people, but it's on the small side and we'd LOVE more storage (and the kitchen is the size of a closet, which my gourmet boyfriend haaaaates). But we live in a truly gorgeous, highly desirable area, our rent is excellent, the heat and hot water is paid for, we have a fantastic landlord who lives elsewhere in town and is about as invisible as can be (unless we need him), and my commute to work is LITERALLY five minutes (I have gone eight weeks on one tank of gas, in the past, so there's also that...).

 

So we deal with the storage issue - at least for now. Ultimately, we'll need to look for something bigger when we have kids or simply need more room. But, for now, we love our little place.

[Fudgie]

N and I got accepted to a complex that we were looking at. It's about $150 more a month but it's out of the inner city (yay!) and is twice the size and the kitchen is huge, plus storage, laundry, parking, etc. We also won't have to pay electric or anything, just cable. We're probably going to close in on it soon. I've looked at 2 places and on CL but they are all out of our price range or in bad areas, so we'd be back where we were again.

 

What size is your place? Ours is basically a studio. We've been here almost a year.

 

N and I may (and the may depends on where I can get into grad school) move out of state within a year. I have some health and weight issues (I need to lose 130 lb) that I need to address before I can even think of going to grad school. I'm pretty torn though. If I have to leave the state, I'm considering asking N to stay here and we'll have a LDR. We were in a LDR for our first year of our relationship and he has a salaried job that he could never find elsewhere (he didn't go to college). I don't want him to miss that so I'd almost rather he stay here, keep the apartment, and I'll go to school and come back when I'm done.

[Heather Dawn]

Wow! Good job on finding the new place!

 

Our place is small but not a studio - it's a full one-bedroom (our bedroom is actually pretty large, considering). Storage and the kitchen are the only things that really cause problems (and the kitchen works for me, but he's the one that cooks).

 

Why does your weight affect your going to grad school?

 

And hmm, going from living together to an LDR would be brutal. Can you go to grad school in your own state?

[Fudgie]

Yeah, just paid the security deposit so it looks like we'll have a place to live for the next year.

 

I'm almost 300 lb. Recently, my health has taken a toll for the worst. My stamina sucks and I'm not kidding myself, I know I'm going to looked upon negatively in interviews for my weight so I'd rather lose the weight before grad school so I don't kill my chances in going. I'm considering weight loss surgery in the near future to get it under control.

 

I've heard stories like "ohh no, you should apply anyway at your current weight" but I don't want to chance it. Especially when each application is like $50. I need to be top notch.

 

There are a couple schools in my state that I'm going to apply to, including one in my city that I'd love to go to. The program I'm looking at is pretty specific and takes 2 years, and requires a special school. I need apply broadly. If I have to go out of state for this program, then I will. I need to stay on the East Coast though, I will NOT go to Cali, absolutely not. But the thing is, my state is big so even if it is in state, we'll probably be LDR anyway.

 

It will probably be brutal, yes, but we've done it before so if it comes to that, well, we'll have to do what we have to do. And ultimately, my career has to come first and N knows that. I'm not going to miss out on doing what I need to do to get the job that I've always wanted for a relationship, even my current relationship. If our relationship breaks up over me finishing my schooling, well, I guess it's not meant to be and I'm going to have to accept that.

 

But honestly, I think we'll be okay in a LDR. I think if we were to break up, it would be over issues not related to distance, because we have some family crap we are dealing with that can affect our relationship negatively if we let it.

 

Most of our friendship and relationship has been long distance, really. We met online through mutual friends as friends, and I refused to meet him in person (as a friend) or over a year. After I went to college, our friendship continued while I was out of state. We started our relationship long distance too, and it was a LDR for about a year. By the time I leave for grad school, we'll have been living together for about 2 years....but if a LDR is what we need to do, then that's what we have to do.

[annie24]

Fudgie have you tried weight watchers? They are a great program.

 

When do applications start?

[Fudgie]

I used to do Weight Watchers. They are a good program for maintaining weight but not losing. I need something more drastic. I also disagree with their choice to make fruit an "unlimited food" because all of the sugar. I could eat my weight in fruit easily. I only allow myself to eat at most 2 servings a day.

 

Right now, I use a free food log on my smartphone to log calories and make sure that I get enough protein per day.

 

I will start to apply in the spring or so.

[Heather Dawn]

Well, good luck with losing weight - that's great that you're making that a priority. You'll definitely be healthier!

 

And, girl, you are brave. I could NOT hack an LDR with my guy. I did it for awhile in a previous relationship and it was hell. Can't even fathom being apart from THIS boyfriend - we love being together far, far too much. But good on you for pursuing your dreams!

[Fudgie]

I'm looking forward to being thinner and healthier and having more stamina!

 

I don't blame you for not wanting to do a LDR. What part made it the hardest for you? N has told me that we have a relationship based on "words", because when we "met", it was all through words, I didn't know what he looked like for a long time, he was just a guy I talked to sometimes on IM and shared music with. We are a very communicative couple and talk a lot. It was always about the conversation. We were not a "love at first sight" couple at all.

 

Right now, we work opposite shifts. I work nights and he works days. I had off last night but right now I'm chilling at home (he's not home yet) but we try to spend as much time together as possible.

 

My last 2 previous relationships were LDR for big parts of time.

 

The fact that we have spent loads of distance time makes me think that maybe we can do this again, we will have to see, but I gotta finish school. So does he, but he plans to go local because he has more choices whereas I don't.

 

We are still exploring the possibilty of him transferring his job. He has a federal job with a company with a couple different locations. He wants to follow me wherever I may go but if he can't get a decent job wherever I go (he makes 30k salary, NO college degree) then I am putting my foot down and telling him "You need to stay here, I'm not letting you risk your stability for me."

[Heather Dawn]

The hardest part of the LDR for me was the feeling that we were leading two separate lives - and except for when we were visiting one another, we were! It just didn't make for a deep sense of intimacy or feeling like we were really part of each other's worlds, hard as we tried. We did it for four very long years. After it ended, I vowed never again!

 

And these days, with my relationship now, there's simply no way. He's truly my other half and we miss each other even when we're just at work (seriously...we're that sickening couple that texts during the work day to tell each other we miss one another). Being apart more than that would be unbearable and impossible.

 

But every relationship is different! And you and your boyfriend clearly feel that you can handle the distance for a defined period of time. Plus, at least you'd be leaving and then returning to a mutual home, as opposed to trying to coordinate two separate lives in two separate places.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I get the separate life thing. That sort of sucks. I guess I am more used to having a relationship over phone/internet because I've done so much in the past. I have tried to explain to my parents how it's easier for me and some others. In their old days, if someone moved away like that, the relationship was put on old. Nowadays, people don't have to do that.

 

But it stinks not being able to sleep next to someone, make dinner with them, etc. It really sucks. I know that feeling.

 

How long have you been with your boyfriend? Just curious. About 2 years for us, lol. You guys sound like a cute couple. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together but aren't a very "romantic/gushy" couple but do have a good amount of sex. I get a kick out of seeing gushy couples...very different from us, it makes me giggle. We are a very practical couple together. I think it's because we've been friends much longer than we've been lovers, and he can just be uncensored around me, which we both like. We don't contact each other at work though because when I'm at work, he's sleeping (it's night) ad when he's at work, I'm sleeping, lol.

 

Actually, he's passed out right now in bed (he has work tomorrow) but I'm not working tonight. I can hear him snoring cause we live in the same room, heh.

 

And yes, if I leave far away, it will be on loans/my parents' dime (they agreed to help me) and I'll find some small studio to stay in or even in a dorm, I won't really care because I anticipate spending most of my time studying or sleeping. My boyfriend can afford the apartment on his current salary and I know if he decided to hang back here, that's what he would do, ultimately and I could come back to that.

 

I'd like to think that we'll spend the rest of our lives together but we both have a lot of personal issues we are both working on and we both still have to finish school, so I am just trying to take it a day at a time for now. He has changed a lot for the better since we started dating, and has changed a LOT since we met 7 years ago, and being a young man, he still has a ways to go, just as I do, and I have. I hope our paths will continue to run parallel. I've always dated older (much, much older, 30+) in the past, so I need to keep in mind that we're both still works in progress.

[Heather Dawn]

 

How long have you been with your boyfriend? Just curious. About 2 years for us, lol. You guys sound like a cute couple. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together but aren't a very "romantic/gushy" couple but do have a good amount of sex. I get a kick out of seeing gushy couples...very different from us, it makes me giggle. We are a very practical couple together. I think it's because we've been friends much longer than we've been lovers, and he can just be uncensored around me, which we both like. We don't contact each other at work though because when I'm at work, he's sleeping (it's night) ad when he's at work, I'm sleeping, lol.

 

 

LOL, thanks! We've been together about 1.5 years (to be honest, it was kind of love at first sight - something I never believed in before) and we've been living together almost the whole time (I basically stopped going home at all after a month; we moved into our current apartment about six months later). We're a very demonstrative/affectionate couple. When we're apart during the work day, we text each other to check-in, say hello, and "I love and miss you," etc. And we have a strong need to be physically connected - we're always touching somehow: we hold hands while we watch TV! We even fall asleep holding hands (and feet). We say "I love you" multiple times a day, often just randomly because we feel it, and mean it every time. We also just have a lot of fun being together. My boyfriend has remarked on how some couples look so bored or miserable while doing things like grocery shopping, etc., and we're always laughing and joking around. It's funny because he showed me a note his mom sent him on FB that said, "I've noticed a calmness in you since you met Heather. I'm so glad that you found someone who loves you as much as I do." We're just THAT couple. Hehe.

 

I think your relationship sounds like it works well. You seem very mature and introspective and wise beyond your years. And since you're so accustomed to living in an LDR, it could very well work for you - especially since you have an established home to return to (as opposed to first moving to a new place to be with him)!