How to live in low contact 5-6 months post break-up?

[Tmo2]

The context:

 

I was in a 2.5 year relationship with a girl, I was her first boyfriend also. She is now 23 and I 24yo. She left me wanting something else, being single. I was acting needy and had lost all ambitions that I had when we met. (I started smoking pot but kept it hidden). We broke up in October. The first two months were torture and I could not go no contact. I did maintain dignity and immediately started working on my issues. It is the best thing that could happen to really open my eyes and grow up. We had contact about once a week and met one final time in December. I stated my position and told her what I wanted (commitment) then added I couldn't be just friends like she wanted. It was very emotional. We parted ways.

 

Aftermath NC - LC:

 

- I sent an e-mail one month into nc saying that I was ok with what happened and that I didn't hold any grudges against her. No answer.

 

- 1 Month later I decided to call her. I asked how she was doing, her family, and school. She was in a good mood and started to bombard me with questions. I had been really busy so it helped having something positive to say. I told stories, and funny anecdotes that happened. I think I even made her a bit jealous by her reaction when I told her I was going cross-country skiing on march break with a girl-friend (we often talked about doing this together one day).

 

- 1 week later she e-mailed asking how military exams went (I wanted to become a pilot for the army when we met and had put the idea aside while in the relationship. (smoking pot made me second guess myself) When we broke up I remembered how good it would be for me). I answered shortly and positively but got no reply. I continued NC

 

- 1 month passes before another e-mail arrives. This time she is giving me some info about her own life + asking how things are going with my own. I respond a few days later with a nice friendly response.

 

-Since then we e-mailed each other twice without saying anything, just sending this ''hey look at this link type of message''.

 

Das questions:

 

I still think of her regularly but I am no longer attached or in need of her in my life. Should I continue to No-contact and let her initiate every time?

I often read that I should stay away if she has a boyfriend, but I don't know this. She might, should I act as if she doesn't and continue to contact?

I am kind'of afraid of contact because I do not want to be pushy or seem desperate. Maybe breaking contact at first is making the situation ambiguous, I don't feel (know) where she stands.

How can I show her how good I am without being close to her? Is it necessary? Will she notice? With time?

 

The relationship is weird, it's as if we want to talk to each other but don't because of the history, as if we shouldn't. That's how I feel at least.

Is it ok with me proposing a meeting or should I wait for her to make the moves??

 

That's about it I guess,

I love this girl, but I won't compromise my life anymore.

Any tips on low contact would be nice.

I have come to accept that it is out of my power.

Thanks for reading,

 

ps. After having written all of this, I am asking myself why am I still thinking about this. I am sure the are plenty of wonderful and sexy women that would enjoy being with me... Maybe it's love+ego.

[snapple]

In before all the hardcore NC advocates...

 

I think that if this form of contact doesn't make you feel crappy, then you should continue it. Obviously try not to carry any expectations of getting back together for now, but if this contact doesn't make you feel bad, then I don't see any reason that you shouldn't keep it up. I think that if you have made enough positive changes in your life and are able to contain any negative emotions in-person, then it's in your right to see if she would be willing to meet up for something low key. See how it develops from there... if she is receptive to your messages then you might as well put some feelers out.

 

Now, if you don't feel that this is the case -- and be honest with yourself! -- then by all means you should stop the contact. Also, try to avoid any talk of being "just friends." If she suggests that and you can't accept it, stand up for yourself and say so.

[Ms Darcy]

After having written all of this, I am asking myself why am I still thinking about this. I am sure the are plenty of wonderful and sexy women that would enjoy being with me... Maybe it's love+ego.

 

I agree. Lots of women would love to be with you once you are over your ex.

[Tmo2]

Thanks for the replies, for now I'm taking no action regarding the ex. I feel weird about making a move tbh. ''Why the hell am I still thinking about being with her''

[sharky988]

I think it depends on what you want from her. If you want to move toward reconciliation, then I'd let her make all the first moves and keep things light and playful. At this point, it's about being hard to get imo. It's a game designed to rebuild attraction. Don't ask her to meet you, but be friendly and responsive to whatever she says and does.

 

If you're only interested in friendship, then go for it and ask for an in-person meeting to catch up. That's what "just a friend" would do.

 

Only YOU can answer the question of why you're still thinking of being with someone who's already rejected you.... none of us here can tell you if it'll ever work out or not. I do know that just missing someone doesn't mean they're "the one" or even that two people are right for each other. I've really missed some people who were downright awful for me!

 

Ultimately, if something's meant to be, it will happen because the dumper changes their mind on their own -- not because of anything the dumpee says or does.

[Tmo2]

I will continue towards my career goals and wait for her to make the moves, she had been protected by her parents allot in the past, she just wants to live new experiences (going out etc) before settling down. I told her what I ultimately wanted when the breakup happened (commitment) and there is nothing more I can do, you are right about that. I need to be patient about this and ride it out. I guess my feelings will continue to fade away with time.