Doc Blaze Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Never done this before...but this is my random nonsense...words...crazy texts etc...lol JOURNALLL PS anyone is welcome to comment..it will probably help too... But im starting this because I have alot of random thoughts and do wish to make a new topic every time i think of something..... Today is Day 10 of no contact...I have not talked/text/email/fbed/twitter anything to my ex....Im still deciding if i should delete or keep her friends because a lot of her female friends were friends with me before i even met her...but with summer/spring all everything..i just dont wanna see anything so i just might start deleting people... other than that i think im handling this break up a lot better...still hurts lets not kid ourselves but im kinda glad i didnt even to waste my summer being upset and waiting around wonder what is wrong all the time..now i can meet up with some old friends..go on road trips and just have fun hopefully..im kinda excited to be free this summer Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 You are a young guy, seemingly good head on your shoulders and there is no reason why you shouldn't find love. Enjoy the spring, enjoy the summer, enjoy your friends but enjoy life! Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks metro i know we go way back on here....and you have always been there for me...im hoping too...this time around instead of feeling sorry for myself..im thinking her loss..I did everything possible to make it work..we both had flaws but i cant wait around and w/e i know i will have bad days but who doesnt..Im not even looking for future love right now..Im just looking to do me and enjoy life and reconnect with people who actually enjoy having fun and spending time with me Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks metro i know we go way back on here....and you have always been there for me...im hoping too...this time around instead of feeling sorry for myself..im thinking her loss..I did everything possible to make it work..we both had flaws but i cant wait around and w/e i know i will have bad days but who doesnt..Im not even looking for future love right now..Im just looking to do me and enjoy life and reconnect with people who actually enjoy having fun and spending time with me Ok so what road trips are you thinking about? Somewhere sunny, somewhere flowerly? FLowery, wth? lol Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Lmao..well people know how im into cars...my car is almost finished..should be done by the end of this month...I was planning on selling it and buying a new comfy clean car...something to go places with my ex but since she is out of the piicture i want something fun..so im keeping my fun car...im going to a bunch of roads trips to racing events with my friends..just trying to get out of the house durning the summer..reconnect with all my car buddies who have been asking where ive been lol..so basically not too far..couple hours away but i do know im going on vacation with my family too for a few weeks Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 What kind of car was it again? My son is crazy into cars, his gf's mom gave him an 85 300z I think and he started restoring it. It is really an ugly car at the moment but I'm sure it will be lovely when he gets done with it. In fact some random guy doing his laundry accross the street from our house saw my son's car and came over to inspect it. That guy has one too, so he's over there almost everyday looking at my son's car. He looks at that car like men look at sexy women, he just ogles it. LOL Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Lmao i do the same thing when i look at cars..you know whats funny and people are amazed at..i work at a place where about 900 people work..i can pretty much tell you what 90 percent of the people drive make/year and model or pretty close on year. and i have a Dodge SRT-4....its been collecting dust in my parents garage because ive had no time to work on it because of my ex ... its gonna be finished soon now. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 It's seriously a guy thing. My dad loves cars as does my husband. My dad wants a 70s corvette. That's always been his dream and to this day he still wants one. I forget the exact year he wants. When my husband bought his car it was at first I just need a car for getting around to looking at ones that were turbo charged, lol. Ironically I was the one that found the car he ultimately bought. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Hey that's a neat car. Working on cars so really therapeutic, it'll be good for you. My son when he's wound up for whatever reason I will find something for him to do on my car and 9/10 times he's feeling much better when he's done. I want a Dodge but I want a Charger, my dream car. I really love the 2006-2010. When I saw the 2012, I thought it was gorgeous probably because of the tail lights but I don't like how the back is smallish and square. It takes away from the big sexiness of the car. LOL I really want to test drive a Challenger only because I think I would look like a total bad ass in it. lmao Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 It's seriously a guy thing. My dad loves cars as does my husband. My dad wants a 70s corvette. That's always been his dream and to this day he still wants one. I forget the exact year he wants. When my husband bought his car it was at first I just need a car for getting around to looking at ones that were turbo charged, lol. Ironically I was the one that found the car he ultimately bought. lol funny..yeah the majority of my past cars have been turbo charged ...i like this one the best..they only made i think 1100 cars color of my year...SRT4s are limited edition..my version was only made for 3 years Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Hey that's a neat car. Working on cars so really therapeutic, it'll be good for you. My son when he's wound up for whatever reason I will find something for him to do on my car and 9/10 times he's feeling much better when he's done. I want a Dodge but I want a Charger, my dream car. I really love the 2006-2010. When I saw the 2012, I thought it was gorgeous probably because of the tail lights but I don't like how the back is smallish and square. It takes away from the big sexiness of the car. LOL I really want to test drive a Challenger only because I think I would look like a total bad ass in it. lmao my friend has a charger..it looks exactly like this one..she has an SRT8 charger image removed Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 I dont know why im dwelling today...I guess last night kind of got me thinking...I know i will start thinking of her less and less but thursday and different days on the weekends are when i saw her..I dont think about it all the time but sometimes i just think of i wonder what she is doing....i try not to dwell on things and keep telling myself that i need to focus on me and have fun and not get down on myself wasting time thinking of what she is doing or who she is with because reality is ..she is no longer my gf so whatever she does is not my business nor should i make it that way... one day at a time..one min at a time..one moment at a time..i will overcome Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 my mind continues to wander...this time around im not going crazy ...depressed etc..even though my heart is still heavy....one thing i struggle with is..thinking about what she si doing...idk why i keep going back to this..one this happens i try to jump on youtube..watch funny videos or racing videos or go for a walk..im doing all the right things on "paper" i believe but only time will heal my broken heart...I just want to stop randomly thinking about it...i know that will never happen but i want it to stop to where evrytime i think about her i feel that awful feeling in my stomach Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 been stressed..had a great weekend with my friends..they took me to a nice restaurant and then took me out..got to meet a lot of new girls..im not trying to date at all nor am i interested but it was def fun..still trying to figure out how to be single again lol...but i woke up sunday morning feeling like crap missing my ex..idk ...you have ur ups and downs..why after such an awesome weekend would my ex be the first thing on my mind sunday morning...idk... Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 ill just continue to post comments in here from now on...seems like the best thing Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I think it would be unrealistic to not think about a person you have shared part of your life with. Like death, it gets easier with time and you will find yourself thinkinga about her with less frequency. Don't be so hard on yourself. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 27, 2013 Author Share Posted March 27, 2013 put in a bunch of applications down south for Jobs...Flying down to the interviews sometimes next week...hopefully I will be able to get a job and move...i know i already have a place that i could live...pretty excited but dont want to get my hopes up..this could be a great new start for me and probably what i need...my friends down there are awesome people and are always keeping busy doing awesome stuff Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 taking it day by day...as i get further into my healing process..Have a lot of thats going on and keeping me busy most of the days but i still sometimes slip...no worries im not perfect...been working on my car into the late hours of the night Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 welllllll this sucks watched a random youtube video and i just broke down crying...first time since the night she broke up with me on paper..if u saw me at work out with my friends...etc..i always have the biggest smile on my face..telling jokes making people laugh...u would think im living the good life..truth is im not..and ive come to that conclusion...i try to hard to be strong..be strong for my friends..they all come to me with their personal issues..truth if im struggling as well...i hide my problems very well behind my humor..making other people laugh makes me laugh....makes me happy..keeps me going...but for some reason i really miss her today.....im sad its over ....i dont want her back but i miss the good times we had... Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 i dont know why i dream or think about things after always having a good night..had a good night last night with my friends..came home went to bed had a dream about seeing my gf with another guy and showing up at the same restaurant that i was at...started to weird me out Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 having mixed feeling today...i went to church today....I walked in and was looking for my mom who was sitting near the front...sat down next to her..look down the row and who is sitting there...MY EXXXXXXXX...smh...i felt bad because i was in church and i should of been focused but the whole time i just wanted to leave and couldnt get her out of my mind the whole time..sucks how relationships end like this...someone who u loved and still loved over almost 3 years is sitting 10 feet from u and you cant even look them in the eye anymore....ughhh feeling like crap today...really Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Today again so hard....idk why ive been questioning and over thinking a lot of things.... when my ex came over the other day and things happened it was one of those things like should you listen to what they are saying or their actions or both I dont feel like she has lied or not been truthful because a lot of the things she says i agree with her about the distance...her starting a new school....me starting a career...new job...its true we are at 2 different points in our lives... it sucks when the break it not 100 percent certain..i believe that a lot of break ups arent either but it leave that what Ifs in the back of your mind that you dont want even though this is the second time we have broken up...neither were bad break ups where we both hated or couldnt stand each other... we talked about it when she came over and she admitted that she is no where near over me..she checks all my social media pages and she still loves... also the fact that her best friend is rooming with her now for the next semster and the majority of her close friends who live enar us will be at that school makes the break up seem even more better. I know she wouldnt want to come home on the weekends and i wouldnt expect her too..Would you want to miss out with all these college experiences that you could have with all your friends...thats why i feel a lot of college relationships never last... i know im just talking jibberish but i feel i need to get it out of my system because i dont really have anyone to talk to about it. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Well it makes more sense now, you had a somewhat amicable breakup so naturally those feelings of love are lingering and rightfully so. So is it really just a distance thing that you believed a breakup would fix? Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 doc, it's your journal...it's not jibberish. I feel the same way sometimes in my journal but sometimes you just have to ramble and get those feelings OUT. Sometimes I feel much more level headed once I spill it all out on here or to someone else. If you ever need to talk or just jabber to someone without reply, you can always message me here or on facebook! Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Well it makes more sense now, you had a somewhat amicable breakup so naturally those feelings of love are lingering and rightfully so. So is it really just a distance thing that you believed a breakup would fix? Idk honestly..she is in the stage of life...22 where its about partying going out..living it up...She isnt a crazy party girl. but she wants to have fun with her friends. Another thing is all her friends who go to this school have tried the relationship thing with distance and it has all failed. all her friends are single except one girl but her bf goes to that school so they see each other very often. Even though she is a big girl and can make her own decision these girls are very close to her and she goes to them for advice. I believe they all talked about it and probably know what was said. Not saying we should break up but its hard. None of their relationships lasted. none. She said she didnt really want the break up but she was 50/50 about it. Im the one who said i didnt want to be put on the back burner and go through hell for another summer wondering what we are as she goes out and has fun until she goes back to school. I was the one who encouraged her to apply even though I knew the distance might hurt us. she didnt think she would get in but once she did she started thinking about the distance seriously and how hard it would be with me and my jobs and her being so far. The fact also that new/transfer students to the school cannot have their cars on campus for the first semester they are there. So i would have to pick her up..bring her to my place every single time. i mean i can meet up and stay up there but it wouldnt be the same... I feel like the future scares her...like i said im at the end of my partying stage going out..i can still go out and stuff but i dont get excited about it like they do anymore. I could stay home on the weekend watch netflix and relax and would be cool with it... I think her seeing me graduate search for jobs makes her feel like ok we have to get married asap and have children asap which i told her wasnt true but for some reason she feels like this and she feels that she might be holding me back... pretty confused right now..because like i said she hasnt lied to me about things..she has been very blunt about everything...she has told me everything even if it took some time for her to say but she has said it... and the fact that i pushed the break up this time..but i needed it...i need someone who wants to be with me 100 percent...i know she still loves me and cares but i need to feel it...and not just every once in a while Link to comment
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