Best Friend

[RealCity19]

Long story short, my best friend of 7 years and I slept together on a drunken night. She ended up falling for me but I was fresh out of a new relationship and unavailable emotionally. For the next 6 months or so we were inseparable doing everything together and still occasionally slept together. I started developing feelings for her also but my job transferred me about 6 hours away. We still talked all of the time until we both started dating other people. We were no longer available to talk and it finally clicked in my head that I was not happy with the girl I was with and I missed my very best friend. I realized I was in love with her, I was in love with my best friend. I had to be honest with her and tell her, as we always based our friendship on being brutally honest with one another. She started crying almost immediately and said she loved me also.

 

For the next 3 months however she was unwilling to stop dating her new guy. She continued to say she loved me but was confused during that time. Finally we got into an argument one night and she decided to start officially dating this other guy that night. Sometime went by and we didn't communicate until she called me which I couldn't pick up due to being in a meeting. I had to call back later that afternoon and she didn't pick up. I talked to her a couple of weeks after that and she started crying saying she badly needed to talk to me that day. I began crying as well because I just love this girl dearly. We talked for an hour until she had to go to sleep as it was early in the morning.

 

As time went on I realized friendship with her was not an option for me. She was my rock, my confidant, my everything. Seeing her with someone else hurt too much. I finally told her that and that in order for me to move on I had to say goodbye. Since then which was July of last year we have talked maybe twice. She still says "I love you" to me and mutual friends admit I will never be replaceable in her life and that she still loves me, but doesn't have the courage to break up with her boyfriend. Every single mutual friend of ours admits that we are meant for each other and are soulmates. That she will come around.

 

Well I went down there two weeks ago to visit old friends. I did not tell her I was coming because I knew seeing her would set me back. I was at a bar with a couple of our mutual friends who knew I didn't want to see her but had told her I was in town and she showed up to the bar unannounced. I was stunned when I saw her walk up. I did not hug her, I paid her little attention because I simply could not. She acted cool like nothing was wrong and kept looking at me, but I tried to act like I did not know. Exchanged few words along the way She left to go to dinner and I never heard from her again on that trip as she was with her boyfriend the whole time. We saw each other on one other occasion in a social setting months before and she could not keep her eyes off of me regardless of the fact we were accross the room from one another.

 

What I want to know is if it was ok to pay her such little attention and can that be misconstrued as rude? Also, I am not waiting around for her but I know she is my soulmate, is there anyway to win her over if she doesn't have the courage to break up with her current boyfriend? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[amy37]

I think you have to go all in realcity. You clearly have feelings for her. And as much as you say your not waiting for her, by posting this thread you really are. If that's the case you need to go get her. And hopefully she'll develop the courage. Strike while the iron's hot, while she still has feelings for you. Honestly the longer you wait the harder it is going to be for her to leave her current bf.

 

And i wouldn't worry about paying her little attention, she knows exactly why if you two were so close before.

[MikNomis]

Yes, it can come accross "rude" to her, but you really didn't do anything wrong IMO. You're not ready to talk to her. You were honest with her, and she had her chance to choose, and she did - him. Don't try to win her over while she's with him, that's just going to make you look a little bit pathetic. Just do your own thing and meet some ladies. You gotta get out of this mode of thinking she's your one and only soulmate. You WILL hear from her, likely when she has problems with her bf but make sure you don't become her therapist if that happens.

[Steve55]

In love with best friend..Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. My situation didn't end up any better than yours. She knew I had fallen for her and was willing to make a comittment. There were some reciprocal feelings, but because of circumstances, she started dating someone else. I'm still not over it, to be honest. It's been hell because we work together, so NC is not possible.

 

Your situation is even harder than mine because she clearly seems to share the same level of love, but she is unwilling to part with her current BF. Do your mutual friends know that you still love her? If so, have they told her? If that's the case, the ball is in her court and she needs to decide if she loves you more than her current BF. Frankly, these mixed feelings aren't allowing you to move on, if that is that you want. It's not fair to you for her to pop back up in your life and act interested, but still have her current BF around.

[tattoobunnie]

I wouldn't leave the other guy. He don't mention or tell her how you will could work together to be together. You live 6 hours away, with no end in sight. Not enough to leave a good guy who she can create a future with.

 

Of course brushing her own is considered rude, but it's the only way sometimes to keep you from melting down.

 

Honestly, if she was your soul-mate...things would be easy. Don't buy into that...it taints all other potential partners.

 

You want her to have courage...show courage yourself. Tell her what you want, and how you both can be together...and if she's happy with this new guy, then let her be happy.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't think it was rude. Basically I don't think she really had the right to expect any different from you. She must have known that you didn't want to see her at the bar that night, mutual friends will have told her that, yet she showed up anyway.

 

Honestly, I think if she wanted to be with you she would. If she felt as much for you as you clearly do for her then she would find a way to make things work and wouldn't be able to be with someone else. I know this would be the case if I were in her shoes.

 

Labeling her as your soul mate is really hindering your healing and preventing you from moving forward. If she was your soul mate you would be together.