Leona700 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Long story short I've been in messed up relationships in my past. In my last relationship so much trust was lacking that I became paranoid that my ex was bisexual without any valid reason. Fast forward almost 2 yrs later I went to NYC and from the second i got there I felt the energy of the universe hit me in a way i never felt before. I met an Indian flight attendant at a meeting and we spent the day touring NYC. After I left NY he flew back to Hong Kong. We got back in touch and we both stated that even though it was just one day in NYC we felt something magical. He came back to NY to visit me. We spent the weekend together and the bond I felt was like no other. The way we slept next to each other was as if we were in love. Than i asked him about past sexual experiences and he said he had one with a photographer who gave him oral for a photoshoot to arouse him. I said so you are bisexual. He said no I dont like men, its like if you are thirsty you drink water. He went into detail of how the photographer aroused him without me asking. I was really disappointed. I finally felt like heres someone i could spend my life with and an old fear became a reality. It didnt scare me, I dont judge him, Im just disappointed because I know that In my heart I'm not secure enough to be with someone who experiences with both genders. Any advice? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 After ONE date you felt he was someone you could spend your life with? I'm sorry but after reading that, it's clearer why you've had some messed up relationships in your past. "Any advise?" Yes. Simmer down, now. You should probably .. no .. you should for sure, Stop meeting up with strangers who you've only spent one day with, sleeping beside them and then erroneously thinking that you could spend the rest of your life with them based on knowing them for a mere few hours. Did you have sex with this man? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I would be more concerned about potential promiscuity in him. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I would be more concerned about potential promiscuity in him. Why do you say that? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Why do you say that? If he is willing to let someone touch him sexually (and in this case, have sex) at all outside of a dating relationship in such a nonchalant way, then it would be very likely that he will do the same at the at the next opportunity by the other person's suggestion. BTW, you guys have just had two magical days. You guys are not in a relationship, btw, so he could fly somewhere else and meet someone else magical tomorrow. I think that you have to screen guys and get to know them before having sex and also determine if a guy is a likely relationship for you (lives reasonably close, has similar values) before you jump in to any magical romance. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 It didnt scare me, I dont judge him, Im just disappointed because I know that In my heart I'm not secure enough to be with someone who experiences with both genders. Any advice? Not wanting to be with someone who is bisexual is not a lack of being secure or a lack of strength. It is a healthy boundary to draw a line in the sand and say "I do not want a relationship with a man who is bisexual." There are many secure, confident women out there who feel the same. Don't feel you have to change or cave or that its "bad." There is a difference between "judging" (I won't go to that cashier's checkout because they are gay or might be bi...") and being selective and using good judgement about who you choose to date or as a potential life partner. ("I can be friends with a gay person, but for the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I only want a man who is heterosexual and has no question about that.") We can have whatever dealbreakers we want to have when we look for a mate and some of them are pretty darn reasonable. (sexual preference, someone that is legal age and not more than x amount of years older than us...and so it goes..) Let's not turn this into a debate about sexuality being fluid, etc. That is the OP's preference and boundary. finally felt like heres someone i could spend my life with and an old fear became a reality. You finally met a guy you were very attracted to and want it to go further. That is all it is on a first meeting. We only know that we could spend the rest of our life with them in retrospect. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Its probably true for me to think that I would not date a guy who is bi or black or asian, but really I dont know that and I feel I shouldn't limit myself because it could prevent me from meeting someone who is "the one" so to speak. There is a difference though between who you choose to date and who you can be friends with. I like to believe that someone's sexuality or race aren't limitations of friendships but it is determined by compatibility. I might like to think the same for someone that i am dating but probably less realistic. Its one of those things that may be true but better left unsaid. Link to comment
Leona700 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 No we did not have sex..we slept next to each other...thanx everyone for your input I really appreciate it... I know it sounds like wishful "magical" thinking but I really felt something very different about this guy...we live for moments that feel magical they are the most memorable... in this case it was two days worth remembering.. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 No we did not have sex..we slept next to each other...thanx everyone for your input I really appreciate it... I know it sounds like wishful "magical" thinking but I really felt something very different about this guy...we live for moments that feel magical they are the most memorable... in this case it was two days worth remembering.. How's that been working for you so far? To each their own but I like to keep my magical moments until after I've ascertained if we're basically compatible in most of the fundatmenal ways before partaking in them. Saves on disappointment Link to comment
Leona700 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 Your point comes off rude rather you meant to be or not but I would have to agree with you about getting to know people before I skip to the magical moments.. Link to comment
Scribbler Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It didnt scare me, I dont judge him, Im just disappointed because I know that In my heart I'm not secure enough to be with someone who experiences with both genders. Any advice? There is the answer. If this is YOUR insecurity then it is something you can choose to work on. Not only for the sake of this relationship, but for the future. It seems like it bothers you so try and get it under control so it ceases to bother you again. Also, I find some of the judgemental comments already posted are not at all helpful at all regarding the OPs question. If she feels a connection with this person then only her and the other person can comment on what was felt. There is no way to start a relationship that is more valid than any other way, it is all about what works for the people involved. And it is very unfair to pass judgement on her entire relationship history from one vague post... not just unfair but also impossible to do so accurately. There is a difference between giving advice and voicing your opinion. Link to comment
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