Waiting -_-

[faerietale]

My boyfriend and I are on a temporary long distance relationship because he has to travel to another country for work. He'll be gone for 3 months. Our communication has been limited due to the cost of international callings/texts and the major time differences (he's in Europe so it would be day here and night there) We downloaded an app to text each other for free and we try to chat online as much as possible. I know that he's extremely busy so I wait for him to initiate the contacts. I know that if I needed to talk to him, I could always email him/ text him and he would respond as soon as he could.

 

Well, today, after a week of not talking and exchanging very simple 1 text a day saying that we miss each other etc, he asked me to go on to chat. I was occupied at work but we said we'd talk in an hour when I get home. I rushed through work, rushed through traffic and finally got home but he wasn't online anymore. I text him a few times but no response. I figured he's either asleep or is busy again.

 

I couldn't help but feel EXTREMELY disappointed and crushed that we couldn't talk. I guess I didn't know how the lack of communication would affect me so much but of course it has because he's so far away. My question is, how do you get over this "long distance" effect of a relationship when communication is so strained? I hate waiting and I feel very impatient at times because I miss him dearly.

 

I'm sorry if I sound so whiny or bratty. I guess I miss him a lot.

[OptomisticGirl]

You never really get over it, it just becomes a part of your life. My husband and I have been LD for 3 years so I speak from experience.

 

do you Skype? Do either of you have an iPhone? What's the time difference exactly between you?

[faerietale]

It's 8 hours difference. We both have skype and an iphone. We downloaded the app that would allow us to text for free and such, but the prob is we both work and his work is a lot more busy than mine so it's difficult to coordinate our schedules given the time differences, so skyping is tough to do.

[Seraphim]

It is difficult for sure. My husband and I use Skype and FaceTime when he is away. It is frustrating but you plough through it.

[faerietale]

I rely on a single text a day to get me through and even though it's only 1 text, I'm still happy to receive it because I know he was thinking of me. I don't ask for much since we've been through this before I know how hectic his work schedule is. I guess for me, this is the longest we've been apart (his work travels usually last up to just 2 weeks) so it's giving me anxiety and such.

[Seraphim]

The end will come soon you'll see.

[Deejmonster]

Ive down the whole LDR before. As time goes on you two will figure out ways of talking, even if its when he is eating breakfast and you are getting off work or whatever. I will tell you that you are going to need to be patient and understanding because there are a lot of things that are out of both of your control. Be there for him and reassure him that things are ok with you. Now isn't the time to get upset and cold because there is no real way for him to console you. Be supportive and warm to him and realize that he does love you. If you two get through this it will it will most likely make the two of you stronger. If communication is hard via talk and text, you could always take the time to write him an email. Its a little old fashioned in today's day and age but he can email you back at anytime and you can respond when you have time as well. Best of luck and keep us in the loop.

[faerietale]

I just don't want my anxiety to cause any issues between us. It has before and I learned to be more patient but sometimes it comes out again.

[Seraphim]

You know he loves you right? Being away for work doesn't mean they don't love you.

[faerietale]

Deejmonster: Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement! You're right about being supportive and patient.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's not easy. My husband and I are 5 hours apart, and it works perfectly for us with our work schedules. We usually get to Face time 30 minutes a day even if it's on my lunch break or my lunch break at school. You just have to look for ways to have more time, even if one of you have to have a weird sleep schedule.

[faerietale]

Victoria: Yea, I know he cares about me and misses me. He tells me he misses me everyday. The prob is on my side since I'm such a baby about it. I've never been in a long distance relationship before and when I tried to start one with this guy a long time ago, he didn't work out since our communication was so poor.

[Seraphim]

You just have to realize he is missing you too it is not just one ended. He is getting to be without you as well.

[faerietale]

So today I saw him online on gmail and proceeded to chat with him. When I said hi to him, within minutes, he went offline. I'm not sure if he's busy and had to go, maybe he was already offline but it took a while for the gmail to show that, I don't know. I grew more anxious. My guy friend calmed me down and told me to just relax and let him be since he's prob is busy working and such. I wish I didn't message him because now I feel needy and don't want him to feel that way.

[Seraphim]

I understand. Sometimes they do not have a reg schedule. My husband is in the military so I understand how that goes.

[faerietale]

Thanks Victoria. I just hope this is not going to make me feel like a needy mess, or worse, make things harder for him. I guess I should just back off.

[Seraphim]

How long is it before he comes home?

[faerietale]

He'll be home mid May

[Seraphim]

You just need to find things to do. Often my husband could not reach me for a few days at a time. I know it is hard but you need to involve yourself in your own life until he returns. Make plans with friends. Get a hobby.

[faerietale]

Thanks. I know. I've been doing that. I'm actually quite busy myself, but I just let things like this get to me easily.

Just an update: He messaged me to video chat and we were able to do so for 2 hours. I told him at the end that he was wonderful, just to remind him that he means a lot to me and he told me the same.

 

Thanks for all of your help.