Any tips on how/where to start dating again???

[musicman777]

Hello everyone!

Well back in 2011 I signed up on this site, I'm a guy, 23 years old now. In that year I was in a relationship with a girl I really fell hard for. To make a long story short, she turned out to be a lesbian. It really ruined my life for a long time, and to this day it still haunts me what happened. I have lived with the fact that it was a life changing experience that I am probably always going to have to remember it and I try to make the best of it. I have nearly finished college, I have a pretty good job being self employed, and everything is going great in my life! Except for my so called love life, or what's left of it!

Well time has past, over a year and a half. And I am seeking advice of others on what to do with this part of my life. My mothers hard to talk to for relationship advice and my dad is an alcoholic... I really don't have any family to talk about these things with so here I am. I'm 23 years old now. Most of my life is planned out and going great, but when it comes to relationships I just don't know what to do anymore! I don't like to admit it to anyone but I would really like to find someone again... I'm pretty content with my life. I'm happy for the most part, I have everything I want, I make pretty good money, I'm in good shape, life is good, except I don't have someone to share it with.

 

You see - most of my college life has been done online. My job and career are spent sitting behind a computer. I went to a bigger university for a year and it was 97% guys. Furthermore my job - I work from home and the way it looks it's going to stay that way for a long time. I want to be an independent person with my own business (which I am doing now). Unfortunately that hugely limits me to having any social life and I only have a few close friends.

Self employed life is great, except for meeting woman! It seems I am running out of options to find someone down the road. I always here that infamous saying "you'll find someone some day". I hate hearing that. I'm a (computer) scientist and an agnostic when it comes to faith/religion and all that nonsense. I sincerely don't think the stars are going to align and I'm going to find someone, that's just preposterous. I think that if I really want to find someone I need to get out there somehow...

 

When I was 21 (after the breakup) I tried the online dating thing... it didn't really work. The only thing it did was hurt my confidence and I think there is too picky of girls and too huge of a girl/guy ratio for me to find someone. Also I don't like that it feels like you're "shopping" around for the perfect match paying $40+ a month for some of those sites... it just feels wrong going on those. So here I am - does anyone have any advice for me? Is it okay for me to want someone at 23 now?? I'm not looking for kids/marriage or even sex I just want someone in my life again... I don't know what to do. I do get out of the house I happen to be a karate instructor... unfortunately it's not the greatest place to find a girl though and I would feel absolutely stupid trying to pick someone up there... I have alot of respect in my position.

I don't like the idea of bars/clubs, I wasn't crazy about the online dating thing, I'm not sure what else to do. Does anyone have some advice for me? I know another response I'll get, "oh your young and bladah bladah bladah", as I've said here the way my life is going and going to be for a long time I'm not going to get out much to meet people so I don't know what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? I don't like the idea that I could feel the way I do now for another 10-15 years being "alone". I have family and friends but I don't think they quiet get how I feel inside when it comes to relationships. I also feel stupid talking to people about it, I don't want to sound needy or desperate.

 

I think we are in a new era where technology separates us from human contact and people like me are at the ass end of it. But does anyone got tips for meeting girls? What should I do? Where should I go? I'm at a dead end. And my age... my job field I'm in, I started working on my own when I was only 15. I think that I am alot more mature than most guys my age, the things I have done and accomplished over the years. I've never had an actual job before because I've been so successful on my own, I bought my own car, computer, never took money from my parents/family for college yet. I worked for everything I have. Believe it or not I even work for an actor in Hollywood, but that doesn't seem to help me in the dating scene much! SO here I am, what should I do in the dating game? Should I try dating sites again? Should I try going places to meet singles? Any tips is appreciated.

[luminousone]

Figure out some hobbies where you might meet eligible women. Some people have suggested link removed. I have a friend that started a backpacking group on there and she has met a lit if guys that way.

 

Also if you have buddies that have girlfriends or wives then let them know you hope to meet some new women to date. A lot of times women like to set up their friends on dates .

 

You might volunteer for an organization or a cause you believe in and that might likely have women there too- like working with children or for a park program or planting trees, etc.

 

Or take a community Ed class where there are likely to be women.

I don't imagine a faith community would be comfortable, but you might consider visiting a church but make sure it is a progressive one that welcomes questions and doubts. My church does, and it is a Disciples of Christ denomination.

 

You are right to stay away from those taking lessons from you-

 

But, if you belong to a gym and you meet someone interesting that you are NOT teaching then that would be fair game..

[musicman777]

Thanks for the tips. I was thinking the same about doing more activities where I might meet women actually! The only thing I would be against is a church... not that I am hateful against religion or anything. I would hate to go to a place of god though with the intention of finding women! Also I wouldn't want to find someone that has strong religious beliefs/faith and I'm the total opposite.

 

Ha ha, my friends and girlfriends, that's the problem. One of my closest friends... his sister is actually my ex that came out of the closet on me. We are still really good friends but him as well as my other friends, they're not into dating so much (yet). They're not as far in life, still working minimum wage jobs, etc.

 

One thing I read somewhere believe it or not someone said to join a yoga class because it's all women. To be honest that's something mildly interesting to me that, being a martial artist, wouldn't be so weird for me to start doing. I am actually seriously considering it.

[Ms Darcy]

Definitely join a yoga class consistently. Lots of very single, bendy women there

[SpiritofFire]

Well man, if you can google "where to meet single ladies" you'll get a huge amount of tips. I wish I can give you some tips, but those guys do it better. All in all, it's the amount of effort you are willing to put in. Ladies are everywhere! Big question is how do you find the one, well you definitely need to expose yourself a little more than usual, so you can get attention of others. It takes time, patience, and perhaps practice. There were ladies that I dated with whom we just clicked, as if it was the natural thing ever.