bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 So I was seeing a guy for about 3 weeks we had 3 dates (posted about him before). Our last date was last Saturday, after that he still texted me everyday but less frequently and I started to get the feeling he was texting me out of some sort of pitty. I have not heard from him since Friday so I guess he lost interest and that's fine. But I can't help but think all those texts last week were sent out of some pitty so that he didn't look like the bad guy who just stopped texting me out of the blue (even though he eventually did), which really irritates me. So my question is do you guys send pitty texts so you don't look like the bad guys? Is that a typical thing to do? Personally I'm of the belief that after 3 dates if your not interested its ok to stop contact and I don't think anyone owes anybody an explanation (again I'm talking 3 dates not a couple months). Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Sometimes when I've dated someone and not really felt a connection I've still replied to their texts for fear of seeming rude. But have replied with the most minimal response in the hope they get the idea that I'm not interested and just replying to be polite. I'd like to think if I dated again I'd be more honest and just tell someone I'm not into them. But it's such a hard thing to say to someone and I always felt terrible saying it. I guess maybe they were texts out of politeness or just to reply to yours. Or maybe he was into you but met someone else, or was into you but changed his mind. It's hard to know exactly. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Well he was iniating most of the texts so it wasn't like he was replying to be polite. Link to comment
benkuske Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 It always annoys me to DEATH when someone can't just say thanks but I'm not feeling it because they "feel bad". Maybe it's because I'm a direct person, but I think it's pathetic when someone does the whole "they'll get the point" thing. I think because it annoys me so much, I *always* shoot someone straight. Even if it's one date. Or even if we never went on a date and were just hanging out but it was obvious there was something more going on. And I'll tell them where I'm coming from. 100% of the time I've gotten very grateful responses... "wow, thank you so much for being so direct and explaining why you didn't see things going, I'm so glad I don't have to guess and I really respect that you did that" has been pretty much the unanimous response. Link to comment
benkuske Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 oh and to answer your question... WHO KNOWS what his motive was, everyone is so unique. It's not a common thing. Maybe he was being nice. Maybe he was sort of leaving his options. Who knows. All you know now is that he's clearly not that into you. Sorry Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Also we had one phone conversation after our last date in which he made numerous references to seeing me again...so confusing. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Well he was iniating most of the texts so it wasn't like he was replying to be polite. Sorry I didn't realise. I don't know. Like I said maybe he was dating other women at the same time and decided to pursue it with someone else. Or maybe he did just lose interest. We can never know! Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I actually might find out lol, we met through very close mutual friends...but I'm pretty much over it, I was just a bit irritated at the whole pitty text thing. Also he was not guy I was considering for long term, he was just fun and good for now. Maybe he felt the same way...who knows Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Could just be politeness, could be that he likes you as a person but isn't interested in you romantically. Or, could be he assumes you are still dating and just hasn't got round to arranging a fourth, or did you definitely decide that you wouldn't date again? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Also we had one phone conversation after our last date in which he made numerous references to seeing me again...so confusing. It's not confusing if you think of it this way - if there are no plans for a next date -time and place -then there is no future date until/unless he calls you to make a plan. All the other talk about seeing each other again is irrelevant. That way you avoid internal confusion. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Could just be politeness, could be that he likes you as a person but isn't interested in you romantically. Or, could be he assumes you are still dating and just hasn't got round to arranging a fourth, or did you definitely decide that you wouldn't date again? I haven't definitely decided anything, I just figured given the fact that we've been in contact everyday since we've met and now I haven't heard from him in two days it's pretty much over. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Have you text him? Or do you always wait for him to text you? If you didn't reply or always wait for him to make the first move maybe he thought you weren't interested. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Have you text him? Or do you always wait for him to text you? If you didn't reply or always wait for him to make the first move maybe he thought you weren't interested. No I did initiate texts to him as well and always replied to his (as he did to mine). I slowed down with iniating the last couple of days because I felt he was doing the same. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I guess you could text him and ask him out or text him to see whats going on or just leave the ball in his court. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I guess you could text him and ask him out or text him to see whats going on or just leave the ball in his court. I think I prefer to leave it in his court, I think he knows I'm interested. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Then all you can do is wait and see. Maybe he had a hectic weekend. Maybe he's dating other people or maybe he isn't sure. I hope you do find out the reason why at least to put your mind at rest. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Then all you can do is wait and see. Maybe he had a hectic weekend. Maybe he's dating other people or maybe he isn't sure. I hope you do find out the reason why at least to put your mind at rest. Yea I agree. He was complaining in one of his texts this week about how overworked he was, and I told him he can relax on the weekend. He replied saying his weekend wasn't going to be too relaxing either...so who knows. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Yea I agree. He was complaining in one of his texts this week about how overworked he was, and I told him he can relax on the weekend. He replied saying his weekend wasn't going to be too relaxing either...so who knows. You could know by texting him on Monday and asking how his weekend was. It sounds like he had something coming up he wasn't looking forward to, so maybe that's the simple reason he's not been in touch. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I don't think it's a 'pity' text. But i think that he's probably keeping all of his options open and is probably dating other women. I don't think it's out of pity that he wrote to you - just keeping the lines of communication open just in case. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 He actually just texted me with a simple "hey" I replied "hi" he asked me how my weekend was I replied "pretty good, yours?" He replied "exhausting lol" and I just left it at that. I think I'm just put off by not hearing from him all weekend, I mean no matter how busy your weekend is I'm sure you can spare one minute to write a simpe text. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 ask him why it was exhausting!! was he working? was his mother-in-law in town?? what's the deal, haha? Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I didn't even bother asking, at this point I really don't care. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I never send pity texts, but I do sometimes send pithy texts. In all seriousness, this sounds like "keep her on the back-burner" breadcrumb contact. "Hey, I wanted to remind you that I still exist, just in case you're ever in a hookup mood. It's not likely that it'll work, but it's low-effort and quick, and I'm not doing anything else right now." Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I agree with blue spiral, sounds like he wants to keep the contact for future hook ups but is making no effort with you. His one word texts speak volumes. i think you deserve better. It's good u are in the mindset of not caring- carry on with that. If i were you i would stop giving him that satisfaction of knowing you are around when it suits him. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I agree with blue spiral, sounds like he wants to keep the contact for future hook ups but is making no effort with you. His one word texts speak volumes. i think you deserve better. It's good u are in the mindset of not caring- carry on with that. If i were you i would stop giving him that satisfaction of knowing you are around when it suits him. Yea I agree, the funny thing is he only started acting this way a couple of days ago. Before this it was constant contact, all our dates were a Saturday night, etc. Oh well guess he just lost interest. Link to comment
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