Should your partner be your closest and best friend ?

[mbb1]

Just looking for opinions on this-

is it very important your partner/spouse be your closest and best friend ? or does it not matter ? Is it important to have the best friend/lover/partner dynamic and does it make for a stronger bond overall?

 

and can you be in a healthy relationship where your partner/spouse is NOT your best or closest friend ?

[camus154]

I won't presume to say that they should be for everyone, but mine is and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[lilypadgirl]

Agreed with camus154 - people have different preferences and dynamics, but for me, I need my partner to be my closest/best friend.

[Steve55]

I agree...Ideally, this should be the case.

[tw89]

I agree..It is different for everyone.

 

I think that if it comes with time thats a good thing. But after my last relationship I am very cautious of trying to make a relationship out of what was being best friends. When we broke up we not only lost our partner but our best friend and losing our best friend is harder to deal with then losing the relationship. We are trying to save that friendship, but its not working because we crossed that line, where we think of each other as more then friends.

[itsallgrand]

"closest and best"? No, not for me. A very close and special friend, yes. But it's a different kind of friendship. I couldn't say that I want my partner to be my closest and best friend...that somehow to me makes it seem like that friendship would mean more to me than my other very close friendships.

 

But it is special when you have a love relationship that includes a deep friendship. It enhances and adds beautifully to the rest that is shared. And that I do need in a partnership/love relationship.

 

And I cried as bitterly of losing my friend as losing my lover when my past relationships ended.

[Klokwurk]

I think it will make it scarier if/when you break up.

[Lambert]

I know a lot of people claim they are married to their best friend.... and that is great. But for me, I don't necessarily need my partner to be EVERYTHING. I actually enjoy all my friends and the family members that are friends. It comforts me to have a wide circle of people close to me. So that means, I spent time with a lot of different people building those bonds. So although I think it's important to be close, my guy doesnt have to be number one. Some of my girlfriends and I have been like sisters for 20 years, we have been there through all kinds of good days, bad days, growing pains, road trips, even losing parents. That is pretty hard to top, even if I adore the guy with all my heart.

 

Also along those same lines, I don't really "rank" the people close to me... I love who I love and for the reasons I chose. My love for one can't limit the love I have for others. They are all different. Even different boyfriends. I would say I loved many of them but each one was different. I found this site when my ex and I broke up a year ago this month. At the time I thought I was so in love with him. I am dating someone else now and I think I am falling for him... It just seems like he and I are so different from me and my ex. But if you would have asked me when I was with my ex, I would have never thought there would be someone better. Now I feel like new guy is so flipping amazing. Ahh love.... isn't it grand

[Natasha24]

I have only dated one guy who didn't become my best friend during the relationship - and that relationship didn't last very long. I don't think it's necessary to be best friends with your partner, but I couldn't imagine if I wasn't.

 

Having said that, this often makes the break up much harder.

[SapphireNoir10]

My partner is my best friend because he is the first person I want to tell anything. I can be the most open and natural around him than I can with anyone else. He is my best friend

[figur]

I imagine that if I do get married and spend 10+ years with a man, they will most definitely a best friend. But I will always have a best girlfriend in my life, two of whom have been there for 15+ years already.

 

When I'm dating someone, they definitely become the person I see the most, so we share a lot. But they lack the history of development I have with other best friends and that can only come with time. I mean, how long does it take to make someone a true best friend? Have I lost multiple best friends because all of my relationships have ended? Good friends, definitely, but the men I've dated are just in a different realm compared to my platonic friends.

[Fudgie]

I can go either way. I've been in a few LTRs and was not "best friends" with the guy.

 

My current boyfriend, I'm best friends with, but we had several years worth of history prior to getting together. So that's different.

 

I think if I met someone right off the bat, and then started to date, no they wouldn't become a "best friend", at least not for a few more years, if that.

[tattoobunnie]

My bestfriend is my bestfriend...we choose to be besties. My husband is my husband who is my partner in life, and legally bound. Sure, we love being together, hanging, talking, living, and tell eachother everything...I consider best friends people who are friends who are the closest to you in a non-family way.