What the heck is going on here?

[testcase]

So I think I've been friendzoned for the first time in a decade, and it sucks. I've been dating this girl now for about 4 months on and off, and I have no clue where I stand. When I first started seeing her I just got out of a pretty serious relationship, so maybe I wasn't making any strong moves... but I always felt like at the end of dates there wasn't an opportunity to a move. So once I realized that she was seemingly not in to it I did what anyone in that situation would do, I backed off.

 

Now I've been in a lot of dating situations where nothing was happening or either wasn't feeling it. Normally when you back off and stop contacting the person in these situations you don't hear from them. That wasn't the case here. So every time I stopped contacting her, after a week or two she'd hit me up just to open up communication again. She'd be wanting to hang out, so I'd set something up, and it'd end the same way all the previous dates would end. So I backed off again.

 

Eventually it got to the point where I was like ok this is obviously just a friend situation and that's fine by me. So she hit me up and we went to hang out ~2 weeks ago and I wasn't expecting anything. Of course this night goes great and we end up making out at the end of the date. Finally the opportunity was there at the end and it happened. I thought this was great, maybe it'd change the course of things. So I start trying to contact her more and set things up. We hang out the other day and nothing. Back to the way it was.

 

What the heck is going on here? I was and am honestly pretty pissed off that nothing happened at the end of the date we just had. I thought we were making some progress, and it's like I'm back to square one. I'm going to see her a bit over the next month or two, so I'm just not sure which way to go. If it's just friends, that's fine with me, but I'd like to know. Cause if that's the case I'll be fine but I don't want to be texting her or hanging out with her outside of functions with friends. I mean I hope it's not the case... but I've never gotten mixed signals like these before.

[rosasnyder811]

First of all there is no such thing as "friendzoned," no matter what society tries to tell you. There is always a possibility. Relationships have to start somewhere.

Second of all, it seems more like she is playing games than anything else.

She might also be testing you to see how you react. She seems to be playing hard to get. Don't play the game, or figure out how to play it back without getting her angry or pushing her away.

[charity]

testcase... come on...talk to her! spill on what you want, ask her what she wants.

[SAButterfly]

Communication is a wonderful thing. Ask her how she's feeling and what she wants.

[testcase]

Haha dang. All of you make it sound so easy. Maybe it is. I feel like normally I haven't had to ask how these things are going because I've known from their interaction with me. I'm not even sure what I want. I guess to date her a little more seriously. That and to know she's interested. Haha I'm not asking for much I don't think.

[charity]

nope you're not asking for too much at all. she MAY be feeling the same... or not. be straight up and tell her what you want. then you will be clear... either by her answer (if she's honest) or by her actions (if she's ambivalent).

[Day_Walker]

Make a move to kiss her, that will tell you all you need to know.

[Ms Darcy]

Wow Daywalker didn't get to read his original post lol.

 

I agree with charity and sabutterfly. You know what you want ... just communicate.

[Day_Walker]

Make a move to kiss her, that will tell you all you need to know.

 

He has already kissed her but the OP seems to feel like circumstances do not permit for the kiss to happen so it doesnt happen. Also the OP wants to know if he has been "friendzoned" the easiest way to do that is to go in for a kiss.

[ANYC]

Im in a similar positition, seeing this girl on and off for a few months

Was convinced she was into me as much as i was into her, then she acted a bit weird we would have really great times and then sucky times which she still claimed to be great, would sometimes hear from her then not, I would always avoid chasing her but i showed i was interested, she would always comeback to me though.

 

Now im avoiding getting any closer with her because i know its leading to failure but she is asking to meet up with me all the time, its frustrating because i don't know where i stand and i could just be setting up for a bigger fall, slowest texter in history like she asked me twice yesterday when i was free to meet up this week although she was busy all week completed avoided answering it till i caved and said it would be great to meet up with her just let me know when she had free time, nothing back since.

 

Something has happened between you two and its something you can communicate next time you see her, if i was in the same position where we had kissed i would feel much better about asking her if there was anything for us.

 

Its something that mutually happened between you, and there must have been something in order for her to reciprocate.

[camus154]

Wait a sec. It's your fault you didn't make a move any number of times. Did you ever wonder if you were giving her mixed signals and maybe she got tired of trying to figure out if you were interested?

 

What exactly is she doing to make you think she's not into you? You keep saying things end the same way, but it seems like you're doing things like you always have--not making a move. What are we missing here?