Cherry009 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 SO as the title mentions....how do you know when someone is playing hard to get or just losing interest? I have seen a guy i met online 3 times and the last time i saw him he seemed really interested, lots of compliments etc, but recently the level of communication has decreased a little bit, he is takin longer to reply. I Dont really want to waste my time with this guy, should I just play it cool at this point and match his level of communication? Link to comment
zep Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Guys dont play hard to get after a few dates.... I dont thnk it could hurt to match his level of communication but I wouldnt get emotionally invested. Link to comment
mfan Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Was he going overboard the first time - e.g. too many compliments? If so, it's probably good that he toned it back a bit - and in fact, maybe he felt embarrassed about doing that too much and doesn't want to push you away. But if his original level of complimenting was just normal, and now it's below normal, then he's losing interest. Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 Thanks for your replies...... It was maybe a little overboard with the complements when i saw him last Sunday, but that was in person, i dont expect him to be like that in the texting as well. It is just the last few days that have felt a bit different,like he is pulling back. arghh it is so hard to know what is going on in guys heads. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 It could be anything - maybe he's busy at work, maybe something's going on with his family, maybe he met someone else. It is just the last few days that have felt a bit different,like he is pulling back. When this kind of thing happens during the work week, I usually put it down to other influences. But if it happens during the weekend or when they have time off, then I start to wonder if he's just not that into me, or whether they're interested in someone else. Link to comment
Greatone99 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Texting is too easily over-analyzed. He could just be super busy, or was told by his friends not to text so much. I don't think you have a reason to worry. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I just think that people in general after you go out with them do not play hard to get. This sounds like he is either (1) losing interest or (2) something else is occupying him emotionally. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 If someone's playing hard to get - let them. Keep your level of communication at the same level as theirs, and don't get too involved. If someone's losing interest, running after them will scare them away even faster. If someone just needs to pull back a little but will come back later, running after them will scare them away. Finally, if someone's playing hard to get as a means of controlling you and getting you to run after them - running after them will give a very clear message that THAT'S the way to play it. It would be nice to have a relationship that isn't based on game-playing. If you met him online, he may have met someone else or has gone back to his previous relationship. I'd let this one go, gently, unless you have a really clear demonstration that he's interested in you! Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 It's totally normal for men to pull back a bit after coming on really strong in the attraction stage of dating. According to John Gray, the attraction stage of dating is always followed by a phase of uncertainty, when a man steps back and evaluates whether or not he wants to move forward with a relationship. Don't take it personally and give him lots of space to figure out what he wants. Do not chase him or initiate contact. Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 It's totally normal for men to pull back a bit after coming on really strong in the attraction stage of dating. According to John Gray, the attraction stage of dating is always followed by a phase of uncertainty, when a man steps back and evaluates whether or not he wants to move forward with a relationship. Don't take it personally and give him lots of space to figure out what he wants. Do not chase him or initiate contact. Is this the case after 3 dates though? I would have thought this would happen after the 2 month mark? well anyway i havent heard from him since Thur afternoon and it is 2am Saturday UK time now..... I have not known him to leave this much time between texts at all. I know he has recieved my texts as we have been messaging on whatsapp and it tells you when thy were last online. I was thinking to text him tomorrow and say something like......"i guess you have lost interest......it would have been nice if you just told me." or should i just not text him at all? Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 Bty the way....before, the max time he would leave between messages would be an hour or two.......to skip from that to 24 hours + must mean something is not right......right? I just dont know anymore Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Is this the case after 3 dates though? I would have thought this would happen after the 2 month mark? well anyway i havent heard from him since Thur afternoon and it is 2am Saturday UK time now..... I have not known him to leave this much time between texts at all. I know he has recieved my texts as we have been messaging on whatsapp and it tells you when thy were last online. I was thinking to text him tomorrow and say something like......"i guess you have lost interest......it would have been nice if you just told me." or should i just not text him at all? Don't text him. Just leave it behind you and move on - unless he does contact you after all, in which case you have your answer. If he was interested, and was just very busy, or there was another legitimate reason why he didn't get in touch yesterday, a comment like that will really freak him out - and ensure he doesn't contact you again. It's only been three dates; you hardly know each other. Try not to get so emotionally involved with people this soon into a relationship. Link to comment
Cherry1010 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 A guy did this to me. Don't text him. Let him contact you. If he doesn't then don't chase him. You will only boost his ego and nothing else. To be honest I really hate watsapp for this reason. Don't chat on Watsapp with men you are dating. It will encourage you to check their online Etc and it's just totally not healthy for you. Tell him you're de-activating and then block him on watsapp. I know it's cheaper or whatever but don't communicate with guys on watsapp. It's so much harder to appear busy and active etc when you are on watsapp a lot. It's just the impression. Chat on text and even better would be phone call itself (him calling you). If he's not calling you, text, he's probably lost interest. If you haven't had a date invite by wed evening for the weekend, then it's probably that he's lost interest. Divest yourself. Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Well here is a kind of update- he has disappeared off the face of the earth, i guess it is good that i know know where i stand. I do think that it is so rude though to just ignore someone, hoping they get the hint and go away. It is common decency to just let someone know that you arent interested anymore. I guess it is good that i found out now what he is like. Just so odd how one week someone can be so keen and interested and talk about having a 'connection' and look u right in the eyes and tell you how much they like you, then days later you dont even exist to them anymore, what kind of person does this?! Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Got deleted off facebook now too by him, haha defo answered my question. Think i will definitely give dating a rest for a while. 15 years of disasters has just burnt me out completely. Link to comment
soconfused8 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 He might not have lost interest and just doesn't know what he wants right now. The guy I was talking to wanted to take things slow because he had been hurt in the past. He always told me he liked me too and had a connection but now doesn't talk to me. Follow the advice another member gave me and read this article below! It helps so much! If he misses you, he will contact you. If he does, you have to be the one to play cool and not answer his call the first time he calls. link removed Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Thank you soconfused8, that was an interesting read! I definitely think in the future that i will use some of those tips. With this guy though i think the ship has sailed and it is not coming back, just a gut feeling i have. I think he just did a very good 'nice guy' act, lots of verbal BS and not backed up by any actions. Things got a bit heated the last time i saw him but i was adament that we were not going to have sex, then he cuts me off days later.....i think he perhaps was only interested in one thing. He is most likely moving onto his next online victim and setting up that fake 'nice guy' image for the new girl. I am done with him for good. The thing that still gets me is how he can just disppear without a word. I could just never do that to someone.....i have a conscience and would feel so horribly guilty if i just started ignoring them. Especially if days earlier i went on and on and on about how much i liked them and how this could be the start of something great. Brilliant-another dent in my self esteem Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 It's upsetting but I think if you cannot deal with someone disappearing after a few dates, online dating may not be for you. Link to comment
Cherry009 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 It's upsetting but I think if you cannot deal with someone disappearing after a few dates, online dating may not be for you. I agree, i am going to stop dating and work on myself. In this situation, it is more just a case of me not being able to understand how a person doesnt have simple decency/manners. I was brought up to treat people with more respect, whether they are a stranger, a friend or someone i have just met. Maybe it is small minded of me but i just cant relate to rude people, i have come accross many, not just in the dating world but in life. Haha i sound like i am getting deep now. But anyway i know what you mean Ms Darcy, i see posts on here from people who have been in a relationship with someone for months/years and their boyfriend or girlfriend just dissapears without a trace, my situation is nothing compared to that and i get that. Link to comment
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