SteelJM1 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I've been feeling the compulsion to post lately. Not sure exactly where I stand anymore with all of this. Three months after the BU, like clockwork, I had a few women interested in me. Mostly for sex, but hey, why not. One of them i really liked but she did a 180 and ran, ran fast and far. Oh well. I'm pretty sure it's obvious i have some unresolved issues, tends to scare them away. NC ended up turning into LC. Probably haven't gone more than 4 weeks without her texting me. Admittedly there were two occasions in which i reached out first. That's where it gets kinda weird. Lately she's been texting me more, and I'm unsure as to her intentions, whether she thinks I'm over it or what but as examples; -She dumped on me her problems with the new BF (what used to be my bestie) -She was obviously drunk one night and overtly flirty -She texted me on a different night reminiscing about out of our sexual encounters -Coincidentally the next day was the anniversary of when we first got involved with each other.. I guess you can say when we first started dating... and felt the need to remind me of that -Just yesterday she came to me (called even, haven't heard her voice in many months) asking for motorcycle advice, knowing I'm the only person in her life that's supportive of it. Also mentioned her new job and how it would allow her to move out of her BF's place... -And she has not once failed to mention how much she misses me every time we do text It's all been a very strange past couple of weeks. It's brought a looooot of ambivalent feelings back into me. I guess I'm not as over it as I thought. What's worse is that I have to admit that there is some small nugget of hope floating around in my heart, for why I do not know. I've told myself and my friends after some time had passed that even if she we're to try to reconcile I'd easily refuse but I'm not quite so sure that's the case, if I have the actual resolution. In fact I think I'm secretly hoping for it, so I can capitulate and have her back. We've been apart longer than we were together. I was supposed to be past this by now Link to comment
MissMetamatics Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Things will get easier...just quit talking to her. Only then the true healing will take place. Link to comment
Clio Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 How about you tell her nicely to cut the crap and that you don t want her to contact you ever again unless it is about trying again and then stick to nc. She is messing with your mind because YOU are letting her. Link to comment
squirl Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 -And she has not once failed to mention how much she misses me every time we do text Well it's certainly not your brain she misses, since she's in constant contact. 2 things I would say to her: Refuse to talk to her about her current BF (waste of your time) and next time she tells you she misses you, point blank ask her what she plans to do about it. Link to comment
Mike80 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Yep. Shes keeping you on a short leash in case things fall apart with her new man. The smart thing to do would be to follow Squirls advice to the letter. No need for games....tell her what you want and demand she make her intentioms clear. If its not in line with your desires, drop her like she dropped you and sail off into the sunset. Link to comment
ChewyC Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Well after your comment on my thread I felt it was my duty to check this out...how much use I'll be? Probably not much Number 1, I'd say it's alright to be feeling "hopeful" right now based purely on her behaviour. If Katy Perry was treating me like that, I'd feel a nugget or two of hope, never mind the ex doing it! And you say that you'd like to think you'd turn her away if she asked you out again. Why? Is there a good reason not to date her again? Link to comment
SteelJM1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 And you say that you'd like to think you'd turn her away if she asked you out again. Why? Is there a good reason not to date her again? Unfortunately there are. The breakup was pretty uncool, which to make a long story short would make it very difficult to trust her again in a relationship setting again. Who wants that? Mreh, it's probably just my heart looking into things more than it should. Link to comment
matti Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's just keeping you on the back-burner just in case it doesn't go so well with her current relationship. The problem is that sure, she'll probably take you back once that relationship falls apart. So, you can be happy there. But, realistically she's probably going to drop you again the moment someone else comes along. So, it's a lose-win-lose situation, which ultimately isn't a win. People like this obviously have a problem being alone, otherwise they wouldn't have to find a replacement before ending a relationship. Now, if she doesn't have a replacement for your ex-bestfriend, then she'll probably bounce back. You're much better off dropping contact with her altogether, taking what dignity you have left and moving on. This way you'll have a much better chance of finding someone else who has been single for a while, which shows that they have some independence and lessens the odds of them replacing you later. Link to comment
ChewyC Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Unfortunately there are. The breakup was pretty uncool, which to make a long story short would make it very difficult to trust her again in a relationship setting again. Who wants that? Mreh, it's probably just my heart looking into things more than it should. Ah. Yes our pesky hearts take over our brains from time to time and over analyse. Of course, her acting this way giving you this much (probably false) hope isn't really fair on you and probably isn't really healthy for either of you. That said, I seem to be a little more positive than the average eNA user (maybe I'm just young and naive/stupid) but I'm of the opinion that hope isn't TOTALLY bad. Yes, it can be really counter productive etc, but I think that it's alright to keep a wee chunklet of hope in the back. Just don't let it take over your other thoughts like I suspect it is right now. I'm afraid the only advice I can give is the advice we've all been given on this site and probably what you've been hearing for the past 7 months - try to keep busy. That makes it sound so easy doesn't it? I wish it were! I'm only 2 months single and I'm feeling pretty similar to you I think. Good luck Link to comment
ChewyC Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I think there are far too many people like that out there, especially (trying not to be sexist) girls. People who need validation and need to find a poor soul who will give them that. It hurts to see someone you love(d) do that, but even more so if you're still relatively close to them and have to hear about it. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Her leading you on will only stop when you put a stop to it. She's getting her cake, and she get's to eat it too. She's winning all around and is learning that she come tap you for attention and additional validation any time she pleases. I wonder how her new bf would feel if he knew ....actually, I think we already know the answer to that question. I personally would not trust this girl with my heart. Link to comment
SteelJM1 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 Oh I don't. I guess I needed to vent and hear what you guys had to say even though I already knew it, heh. Link to comment
SteelJM1 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Well I had a breakthrough. We met up wednesday night, just to talk. And talk we did. pointless banter at first, but then it got into the relationshippy stuff. And she talked and talked and talked. Probably aobut a 10:1 ratio of words between us. Admittedly I had a knot in my stomach pretty much the whole time. One key thing she said though is that she gives 100% in a relationship, so on and so forth. And then it was time to go. So we went. Honestly at this point I wasn't even angry or anything anymore, just kind of worn out. But then as I was leaving, she texted me something that changed everything; "Ya I wanted to kiss you" I didn't respond to it at first, becasue I didn't know what to say. And the rest of that night i was in a broken record loop in my head and heart about her. The next day, yesterday, however I really started to think about it, and I got mad. MAD! She gives 100% in a relationship according to herself, so what percentage of her is it that wanted to kiss me? She's so full of crazy she can't see her crap for what it is, and I finally do. If we were to get back together, how long would it be before she's telling another man the same thing? Hell how long before she broke it off with me was she playing these games with the current BF? How long does she think she can keep me wrapped around her little finger as her ego booster? I'm done. I'm done with her manipulative behavior. I'm done imagining getting back with her because I know I can and will do much better. I almost feel bad for her current b/f (my ex best friend) because she's going to screw him over, and he won't have me as a friend to lean on, but oh well. I'm not someone's gdamned backup plan, ego booster, emotional tampon at the expense of my sanity. I feel like an idiot to be so hung up on her for EIGHT months, but you know what? I'm done feeling like an idiot too. It just means I have a heart. For the first time I deleted her number and our text thread without hesitation. If I don't hear from her again it will be too soon. For the first time I feel... nothing for her. Not love, not resentment, lust, anger or anything. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel great. I'm so so glad that I ignored everyone who told me not to go meet her. It's be best thing that's happened for this breakup. I finally see her for who she really is and always has been, and I don't like it. I'm gonna go enjoy my new found freedom. Good luck to all those who are still struggling with their ex's. Just know that when you finally spit that hook, you'll feel awesome! Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm guessing she doesn't even know what it means to "give 100% in a relationship". Yes, that text was meant to keep you hanging on. Good for you for not playing along anymore. I know the feeling of indifference you describe. It comes from meeting up with them and seeing that they are not the person you had in your head for months. They almost seem like a stranger. Link to comment
ChewyC Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm looking forward to getting to this stage! Link to comment
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