Chan Guo Wei Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 you sound like you are from Singapore ? am i right ? Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Olesun no need to reply to me straight away as I've got another week to go yet but as I said to u before when I spoke to my ex on the phone I said to her give me a text when ur back from holiday and we can meet up for a catch up if she doesn't text me back when she's back u recon I should just leave the ball in her court and leave it? I don't wanna keep bothering her if she can't be bothered to make the Effort. As I said don't have to reply to me straight away as I know ur in high demand lol. Link to comment
Rio81 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Olesun no need to reply to me straight away as I've got another week to go yet but as I said to u before when I spoke to my ex on the phone I said to her give me a text when ur back from holiday and we can meet up for a catch up if she doesn't text me back when she's back u recon I should just leave the ball in her court and leave it? I don't wanna keep bothering her if she can't be bothered to make the Effort. As I said don't have to reply to me straight away as I know ur in high demand lol. Chelsea, I wouldn´t text her in any way. You even asked her before to tell you when she arrived. Let her come after you now. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Chelsea, I wouldn´t text her in any way. You even asked her before to tell you when she arrived. Let her come after you now. Yea think this is it for me now I've done all I could. When she arrived? Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think I said that actually about texting her when she arrives. The last thing that was said was her giving me a text when she gets back but as u said rio81 I think it's bet I leave it now and c if she texts me Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think I said that actually about texting her when she arrives. The last thing that was said was her giving me a text when she gets back but as u said rio81 I think it's bet I leave it now and c what happens if she don't text me. Il just move on Link to comment
Angellheart Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Ill posted this in another thread but then i found this, i readed all comments and there is alot of good advice! Ill try keep it short, 52 days of NIC. He broke up with me, he said he doesn't love me (enough) and he had for a longer time doubts about our relationship. He said that he saw me more as a best friend lately, and that he missed his freedom. I know my mistakes i was needy, dependant, and i actually wasn't happy with my live. also i am really sensitive and i cry to soon. i feel a little better, but today he contacted me again on facebook, but i wasn't even online. ( i didn't came online on fb for about 10 days) He just ask how i was doing. This time i wont answer, maybe over a week or something, although i feel a little bit of guilty. He always is initiating contact, i even thouht maybe he is sick of always initiating contact lol, but i see that if we didnt speak for 10 days trought 2 weeks, he speaks to me. He is just giving me breadcrumbs i think. There is still one thing im sometimes wondering about. 3 weeks ago he posted a videoclip on fb, it was a song from nelly - just a dream, he writed; it was only just a dream.. but the lyrics are like; im thinking about us, thinking about me, thinking about where we gonna be, i open my eyes, its only just a dream. I travel back down that road WISH U CAME BACK, KNOWONE KNOWS.. and My love, my wife, SHE left me and stuff like that.. I know it may not mean anything, because if he really wanted me back, he would make that clear right? But still im gonna work on myself, i want to love myself, be happy with my life and be happy on my own. Im going to a therapist for my insecurities for about a year now, Cuz i have still in some cases social fear. But im working on that. But should i answer when he ask me how im doing? He could ask it on whatsapp, but he only talks on fb,even if he is online on whatsapp. little weird. Link to comment
squirl Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 But should i answer when he ask me how im doing? Up to you. When someone flat out says they don't love you and then asks you how you're doing, you don't have to reply. At most you can say "I'm great" and then respond no further. By saying nothing, you are also telling them you're fine without them. Do not worry about what he thinks of you. He can worry about what you think of him. Link to comment
Angellheart Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Up to you. When someone flat out says they don't love you and then asks you how you're doing, you don't have to reply. At most you can say "I'm great" and then respond no further. By saying nothing, you are also telling them you're fine without them. Do not worry about what he thinks of you. He can worry about what you think of him. Ohh ok Thank u Squirl . I think i just wait three days before i answer and then go NC again. Link to comment
HoldOnToHope Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 you sound like you are from Singapore ? am i right ? yep i am .. Link to comment
HoldOnToHope Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 In a sense, she gave you the most straight forward reasoning for the break up you could have asked for. What you need to do is ask yourself what she's worth to you. Could you abandon your military service and studies, get a job in the workforce and ask her to marry you? Or are your present goals more important? There are no wrong answers. But she's made it abundantly clear what she wants. And she doesn't seem willing to tolerate things as they are. That's not the sign of a great partner. But she's being honest. And that deserves respect. The decision is yours. Thanks olesun, guess right now all i can do is do focus on my studies and see how it goes in the future. Link to comment
olesun Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 Thanks olesun, guess right now all i can do is do focus on my studies and see how it goes in the future. That's a healthy answer. Realistically, had you dropped your service and studies and entered the workforce, you likely could get her back. But at what cost? I believe there are times for a compromise, but it should be equal. She should realize that, if she loves you, your studies and everything will lead to a better, stronger and healthier lifestyle for the both of you. She's not being patient and she's not thinking ahead. That's a tough trait to have in a partner. Believe me, I know firsthand. Link to comment
rippedinsides Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 It doesn't sound like much has changed, Ripped. You're not in a position to reconcile the relationship. It's seriously time for you to heal. And I think heading over to the "Healing" forum might have some more leads for you to get back on your feet. When you're back to the confident woman you used to be, head on back here and we'll start brewing up some ideas. Ok. I'll head over there and take a look. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I hope they are having good sex 3,000 miles apart... haha, but yes I understand what you are saying. She's very ridiculous in her actions and I'm starting to see that now. I really do appreciate your help on this whole thing Shane. It was a mess.... As for "admitting" to her that I still have feelings for her, I don't think this will be necessary anymore. We got in an argument last night (through text), and I think I'm just done with her.... She's so selfish it's not even funny. When she does text again, I'm going to tell her it's probably best we stop talking and that this isn't working as friends. I do not want to give her the satisfaction of KNOWING I still have feelings for her... Her ego is big enough, and it's time to lower it. As I told shane, above, I am not going going to tell her any of that and give her more satisfaction. I'll just drop her as a friend, because of "friend" issues, not because I want more. Basically what happen was, after that night of me asking her to see her, she text me the next day asking about my best friend, YET AGAIN. It started off with her asking general questions, then moved into a BASHING party. She was putting him (my best friend) down, saying he's a terrible person and that "if you care about somebody, you don't treat them like that" etc.... Then starts to relate him to me and how I did the same thing during our arguments back when we were dating... I was staying neutral the entire time, but she wouldn't let up. I even tried to say something in a general sense of "We have all hurt one another at some point. It happens, and it's almost inevitable when it comes to people you are close with. Emotions run high due to various factors and expectations.".... She didn't like that I said that very much, and she felt I was defending him (even though he is 100% right LOL). Then her last text, before I started ignoring her, was this: "I feel like the only time what you are saying applies is if I hurt you by getting a boyfriend, and that definitely wasn't my intention. It didn't mean I cared less about you, but it was different because I was doing it for myself and moving on with my life, it wasn't related to you anymore you know. It was only about me. But with other stuff, when it IS related to just you (like an argument), there's just no excuse. I can't do something and hurt you and say 'oh I didn't mean to'. If I really didn't mean to, then I SHOULDN'T have done it. That's called maturity" From there, I ignored her.... There was just SO MANY things wrong with that text. I didn't even know where to start. Then, after I started to ignore her, she flipped out on me. Telling me that I'm a jerk for ignoring her and that I should know how bad it makes her feel and that I don't care or consider what hurts her (which is ignoring her). Then she pretty much told me I should apologize for ignoring her and that I'm going back to my old ways of not caring how she feels or considering what might hurt her, blah blah blah BLAH. Anyways, thanks again OLESUN and SHANE for your advice. Once she texts me later about whatever it is she will text me about, I am going to drop the bomb like it's hot. You feel me? Link to comment
zep Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 @blackatlanta - I think this is going to be one of those "What was I thinking!?!?!" ex's for you! lol Link to comment
blacklantana Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 @blackatlanta - I think this is going to be one of those "What was I thinking!?!?!" ex's for you! lol Haha definitely... I'm not going to say I'm over her yet, because I'm certainly not. But she is very immature and very self-centered. As another one of my friends was telling me, I think I was thinking more with my HEAD (down there) rather than my head (brain)... she actually called me 4 times last night, I answered the last time. She asks if I want to hang out, then proceeds to ask me again if I think the girl I'm dating is prettier than her. I say no, she starts CRYING over the phone.... CRYING.... lol. And she has a b/f.... mhmmm, GOOD LUCK to you SIR Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Haha definitely... I'm not going to say I'm over her yet, because I'm certainly not. But she is very immature and very self-centered. As another one of my friends was telling me, I think I was thinking more with my HEAD (down there) rather than my head (brain)... she actually called me 4 times last night, I answered the last time. She asks if I want to hang out, then proceeds to ask me again if I think the girl I'm dating is prettier than her. I say no, she starts CRYING over the phone.... CRYING.... lol. And she has a b/f.... mhmmm, GOOD LUCK to you SIR You need to stop answering. I don't care if she calls 20 times. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 You need to stop answering. I don't care if she calls 20 times. Oh I know... I even told her. Stop contacting me... If she does again, I'm not answering. Link to comment
Kristenelaine Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 My ex gets back from out of town tomorrow. Said he would call when he's back, so prob Monday or Tuesday after he gets settled back at home. Before he left I asked him what he was waiting for. I am right here and I care. He told me he wants to call me and see me and he won't date anyone else, but he isn't sure what he wants from me either and that we can keep talkiing about it and we will figure it out together. He told me he wants to let things happen naturally and the way they are suppose to. So I left him with some things to think about. I will see if he calls... And if he does, I think I will ask him how he feels about me. Obviously he wants me in his life. Right now its up to me if I take the leap of faith, or walk away and always wonder. My gut tells me that if we talk and we still want to hang out, I will spend some time with him and then see how I feel based on actions and basic feelings. Show him what he's missing out on. I genuinely care for this man. And it does not feel right to walk away. If he follows through on things he has said, I will keep moving forward with it. If he does not, then it tells all Link to comment
Ne Moe Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Myself and my ex broke up a week ago. Since then he has initiated contact twice. I initiated contact once about something important. Each time we talk he tells me he doesn't know what to say, his home will be so dead without me, he's going to end up alone, he cares about me, I'm not alone As he is always there for me and I can cal him anytime day or night. He.ended it.because he felt the pressure if the relationship was too much to deal with and he couldn't handle it "right now". He has been eager to stay in touch and has spoken a few times of us working it out.in the future. I just don't know how to handle this. Link to comment
squirl Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Before he left I asked him what he was waiting for. I am right here and I care. He told me he wants to call me and see me and he won't date anyone else, but he isn't sure what he wants from me either and that we can keep talkiing about it and we will figure it out together. So you're dating exclusively again? Exclusivity is a huge commitment, especially for a guy. I think you have to trust him and see if your anxiety goes away over time so that it's worth both of your trying. If he feels like it's an uphill battle, then he'll get tired of not being trusted. I could see why someone would leave under those circumstances. And I actually don't think asking him how he feels is necessary. If he didn't want to try with you he wouldn't call. Good luck. Try to be happy and busy. See the glass as half full. Link to comment
Kristenelaine Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 No, we aren't dating exclusively again. He asked to call me and spend time with me but the he doesn't want to date anyone at the moment. I made sure to ask him if he wanted to date others and he said no. He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him. I'll see what he does and how he acts when he gets back home. We aren't exclusively anything. If we hang out and talk a lot and things go well, I will ask for that. He isn't the type to keep someone he cares about around whilst testing the waters with someone else. I just have to trust my gut with that and stop worrying. I've never accused him of anything. I asked if he was datig and he said no he didn't want to he wasn't completely over me yet and even if he was it would be too soon. He hasn't texted me all week, since being in Vegas. I kinda hoped he would. But he said he'd call when he got back, if he's serious about anything he said he will. I need to stop putting pressure on the situation. If we both want to talk and see each other and see what happens, I need to let fear and anxiety go and trust that he will be honest ad upfront Link to comment
Kristenelaine Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 So I think it is exclusive in the basic fact of long term things he says. And the fact neither is us sleep around or wanna date anyone else. If he has done anything in Vegas, I never wanna know for the fact that he is a single man right now...but I'm going to believe he didn't unless I find out otherwise. Or he doesn't call. My mom once said "you're thinking your way out of a relationship" I guess I just need to see him follow through on some things and in a few weeks if it feels right I'll ask him to date exclusively or ask what he wants again. All I know is he can call me and text me and ask me to do things. I want him to want to pursue me again. I have a good feeling. Just need to stop letting my head get in the way Link to comment
Kristenelaine Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I want all pressure off the situation. I want things to just work out, or not. I don't want it to be an uphill battle for either of us. I guess I will try to build on whatever this is. He didn't text me at all while in Vegas and if a guy likes a girl they usually send a little something at least. He needed this break from life and from everything. I'm just trying to stay positive And hope my instincts are right. Link to comment
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