How I Got Her Back The First Time, Thoughts on NC, Etc.

[HoldOnToHope]

That's a healthy answer.

 

Realistically, had you dropped your service and studies and entered the workforce, you likely could get her back. But at what cost?

 

I believe there are times for a compromise, but it should be equal. She should realize that, if she loves you, your studies and everything will lead to a better, stronger

and healthier lifestyle for the both of you. She's not being patient and she's not thinking ahead. That's a tough trait to have in a partner. Believe me, I know firsthand.

 

I think it's probably because she was with me for 5 years and i was studying all the while..cause i am slower than my peers as i repeated my studies in my earlier years..and probably she got sick of waiting or it could also be that her colleagues have partners that are working unlike me - still studying. So she caved in to pressure and she left i guess..

[skiiVT]

@Olesun

 

Hey there! I've been following your thread and you give really great advice, I was wondering if you could give me some for my unique situation.. Me and my ex were friends for 3 years and dated for a year she broke up with me because she wasn't happy (I was needy, jealous, and overbearing towards the end.. she basically felt like she couldn't be herself around me). We have been broken up for about 6.5 months and shes been dating a guy she met online for about 4 months now. I got rid of all my social media and have been hanging out with friends who are not mutual to kinda keep my mind off her best I can. She recently texted me asking where Ive been and why I wasn't going to a friend of ours party, and she it seems like I feel off the planet and shes worried I'm being a recluse. I told her I was fine and that I recently finished a tattoo and have been hanging out with friends and we left it at that.

 

I really love this girl and I wish I could tell her that I love her for her and i feel better than I have about myself in months. Is there any saving grace or chance to get her back.. Why would she ask people where I've been or go out of her way to text me when we haven't spoken in like 3 months?

 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated, and if you need additional info I can provide such.. didnt want to write too much

[Vinny85]

I have had a great conversation with my ex today. I really feel I am finally at 'point 7' from the OP: Time. I got a question about 'dealing with feelings'.

 

Very short, the situation is like this: Amical breakup because of loss of feelings from her side. Initially no bad post breakup behavior from any side, until she turns out to be in a rebound relationship within a week, with someone she before convinced me of 'just being a friend, nothing to worry about'. Anyway, things went bad from there on. That stopped, now we are back in contact. The bad feelings from both sides are 'flowing away', we have good convos over text and had two great face to face meetings. We live an hour driving away from each other and since this summer our lives got nothing in common anymore (in terms of job, school, social circle, etc.). Last time we met she asked to take things a little slower and I decided to giver her space. This was two weeks ago. Last Friday she called me in tears, apparently I gave her 'too much' space. Since the convo was emotional I decided to 'give it another shot' today since we spoke about some things that clearly needed some working out. Anyway it was a great conversation with the following key points:

 

- I told her I can not be 'just friends' since I will always have a weak spot for her. (In the months after the BU I truly learned to accept the fact the relationship is over and the 'in love' feelings are gone, the weak spot remains and yes, I DO want her back in the long run).

- She told me that at this moment she is not attracted to me and therefore does not want to 'get back together'. There however is no resentment to getting back together if the attraction would come back, she is also open to this. Also, and there is the catch, since there is no attraction from her side she wants to be careful of not behaving in a way BF/GF do (in her eyes). There can be intimacy in terms of cuddling etc, more than with 'just friends', but no kissing on the lips for example. Also she would like to hang out with me casually quite often, BUT she told me I would really have to think in which way I would want that, meaning: she will not see it as a date, and if I would, I might get dissapointed as long as she is not attracted.

- She really is interested in ME. She keeps stressing that there would be no reason for her to keep in touch with me like she does, if she wasn't specifically interested in me. As of this moment, that interest is just not romantically.

 

I think the important thing is that this conversation happened because SHE was afraid of losing ME. I told her that the only thing that was important for me in that case was that she would be honest about her feelings and thoughts, whatever those might be. That doesnt mean I will always be there for her, just that if things would be unclear for me I would not be able to stay in touch, in order to protect myself. For this and for the fact she also said some things that could be considered 'harsh but honest' I truly believe not she did not say things out of 'guilt'. So as of this moment I would consider my situation like this:

 

There is this girl that gives me some feeling other girls don't. I am not in love, but surely interested in a romantic way. This girl knows this and has made it clear that she is not feeling the same as of this moment. However she has more interest in me (though not in a romantic way) than in the other boys in the class.

 

I feel like the basic advice would be: NC, HEAL, MOVE ON, FORGET ABOUT HER. Well, the first three things I did allready. I might want to do the last thing aswell, but not before I made a honest attempt to attract her again. At this moment I am just another boy she doesn't feel attraction but also no resentment for. If all those other boys would be free to take a shot, why wouldn't I, right? Especially if you consider the fact that there was a point she was completely done with me and now calls me in tears, I allready made huge improvement, why give up here?

 

But now the question is: You stress in point 7 that it takes time. I don't mind. The point is, what to do in this time, considering the fact I am attracted to her and she knows this. I don't want to be desperately hitting on her, but I do want to keep it clear my intentions are not to become 'non sexual best buddies'. I can take things slow, no problem, but it has to keep going in the right direction and in the same time I don't want to risk hurting myself. This seems to be some paradox which I don't really know how do deal with.

[TheSpoon2Big]

oleson-

 

I really enjoyed your post and this thread in general. I really liked what you said about how to take advice from everyone here but that in the end no one knows your ex the way you do. This is extremely true.

 

I'm in a pretty difficult spot right now as my ex broke it off with me after a fight we had last weekend and I just started my new job which happens to be WITH HER last week. We have been doing the whole back and forth "friends" game and it has become very complicated as last night we ended up sleeping together. Long story, so I won't try to bother your thread. My story is over here and I would love your input:

 

But your post really spoke to me and thank you... I want to do what you said about not listening to everyone who is telling me to just move on and forget her and man up and get her back my way. I don't know what to do right now though as NC could work for me/us but since we work together 5 days a week.... and part of her issues with me come from my being too "needy" at times (as you may have experienced too) so I really want to just disappear. But part of me likes being able to see her at work every day as well. It's very weird right now.

 

I have been trying to fix myself and I have been doing a lot of soul searching and reading online and self-help stuff. I've been exercising, yoga, etc. She told me today she is confused by the "new me" because she doesn't recognize me and doesn't "know who I am anymore" and that we should distance ourselves because the "whole friends thing is not working out".

 

It's almost like she initiated NC on me.... I tried telling her I am shedding away the bad parts of myself. She isn't talking to me anymore. I told her I'm sorry that things got complicated and we slept together and that I will respect her need for space and leave her alone.

 

Anyways, your post was positive. I want to do it, I just find myself in a unique place working together.

[rocknrolla]

Hey Olesun, updated my thread if your interested in seeing how things went with my ex and I at the party. I feel it went well.

[olesun]

The reason the "FORGET ABOUT HER" part is even recommended is because reconciliation is not easy. It is actually much easier to go NC, move on and find someone new than it is to rekindle a relationship with baggage. Also, there's also the idea that "When you forget about them, that's when they come back". The reason I made this thread is because this forum, though titled "Getting Back Together" is almost exclusively filled with bitter people giving advice like "Forget about them and don't bother". While that might be the safest thing to do, it's technically off topic. This is about getting back together.

 

It will take time. What do you do in that time? The same thing you've been doing. Live your life. Live a life someone would want to be a part of.

Your fear of "risking hurting yourself" shows me that you're not ready to do this yet. You risk hurting yourself everytime you get into any relationship ever.

That's not an excuse, nor an acceptable fear in this situation. Think of it this way: Nearly every woman you may find attractive and interesting in your life is SOMEONE'S ex girlfriend. Almost every woman you meet is capable of breaking your heart. Are you going to run away from new relationships based on that?

 

There have been a lot of requests for my advice in this thread and while I'm flattered by all of them; I responded to yours, because it highlights one major issue in all of the requests from different posters.

 

You are not going to get a guarantee. You are not going to be able to KNOW how things are going to pan out, how much time it is going to take, if you're going to get hurt or if it's going to work out. No one can give you that information. Not a soul. Your best bet, is to continue living your life. Make sparse attempts at communication when appropriate and let your world continue to move forward while you make these attempts.

[blacklantana]

Just wanna say, I love you olesun!

[Chelsea1987]

Yea I love u to olesun me and blacklantana need u!!!

[Vinny85]

 

You are not going to get a guarantee. You are not going to be able to KNOW how things are going to pan out, how much time it is going to take, if you're going to get hurt or if it's going to work out. No one can give you that information. Not a soul. Your best bet, is to continue living your life. Make sparse attempts at communication when appropriate and let your world continue to move forward while you make these attempts.

 

I was particularly scared of the fact that because I am attracted to her and she is not attracted to me at this moment, I know I WILL get turned down during this 'phase' of re-attracting her. I think the part I bolded is definitely the answer I was looking for, thanks! As long as I let my world continue to move forward, I should be able to handle being turned down. My life and happiness is not about her or getting her back, it's about ME. I want her back, I don't need her back.

 

Stupid thing is, basically I think I know that allready for a long time, but sometimes I just need someone to remind me! Thanks!

[olesun]

I was particularly scared of the fact that because I am attracted to her and she is not attracted to me at this moment, I know I WILL get turned down during this 'phase' of re-attracting her. I think the part I bolded is definitely the answer I was looking for, thanks! As long as I let my world continue to move forward, I should be able to handle being turned down. My life and happiness is not about her or getting her back, it's about ME. I want her back, I don't need her back.

 

Stupid thing is, basically I think I know that allready for a long time, but sometimes I just need someone to remind me! Thanks!

 

Not that I'm recommending it. But in Pick Up Artist literature, you'll find one constant, solid piece of advice; accept that you WILL get turned down.

The happiest, most confident men I've ever met are the ones who have accepted this. The best of them have learned to take rejection and somehow look cool doing it.

The thing is, none of them have some natural born ability. It's just confidence building and exuding your own natural brand of charisma.

 

She's unattracted to you, plain and simple, because you don't seem to be attracted to yourself, either.

[dynamtiz]

hi there olesun

 

i have read through thread in quite some detail, and is an awesome read and has gave me motivation so thank you for that ! im also aware that you probably get a thousand requests to read over other peoples posts and for advice etc and i know i am going to ask the same so my apologies !

 

i was wondering if you can spare a few moments to have a read over my own , unique situation and also your thoughts on NC on this? if not thanks for reading anyhow and i look forward to reading anymore of your posts and wait attentitvely!

 

the thread is called "to be or not to be" thanks

[olesun]

I want to leave some thoughts here, because I think they're supplemental to my first post in this thread.

So, PLEASE read this post.

 

The reason I'm apprehensive about responding to every request is not because I'm too busy or cool to help you out.

It's because there's a core message from the first post that you're missing. And until you really absorb it, no amount of advice from me will help you.

 

The BIGGEST turning point for me in getting my ex back was when I realized that the hundreds of pieces of conflicting advice I was getting was not helping me get her back. I was changing my perspective on things, trying different approaches. When they didn't work, I would find a piece of advice that would support my suspicions and then try a new strategy. After a while, I came to the realization that none of this was helping me. In fact, it was hurting me.

 

Look, it comes down to one word: confidence.

 

A confident man or woman does not need to ask advice. Sure, they know when it's time to. But after gathering the basic information, they take matters into their own hands.

It is completely and totally contradictory to think that someone can hand-hold you on your way to being a confident person. You need to take off the training wheels and ride the damn bike. You will scrape your knees, you will cut your hands and you will eat pavement on more than one occasion. But until you fall, you will never be able to keep the damn thing steady.

 

When you learned how to ride a bike, did whoever taught you give you a lengthy book about the physics of balance and riding a bike?

Of course not. They gave you some quick pointers and sent you on your way. And eventually, you did it. You rode that bike.

And even YEARS later, after learning how to ride; you still fell off sometimes. Maybe you even really injured yourself.

But in most cases, it wasn't enough to keep you off that bike.

 

And even if it was, if someone asked you if you know how to ride a bike; your answer would not be "no".

 

The answer is inside you. At one time, you were the confident, attractive person that your ex fell for. You already know how to be that person. And you can become that person again. But in order to do so, you need to get back on the bike. And this time, you won't make the same mistake you did before. Expect that you might, but be confident that you won't. This time, you're going to ride that bike better than you did before. But in the meantime, don't be that kid who complains to all his friends about how scared they are to ride again. Everyone hates that kid.

 

And that, is exactly what will give you the tools you need to reattract your ex.

 

Just don't be afraid of falling off again.

[Kristenelaine]

In order to EVER get your ex back, you need to STOP wanting them back. Move on with your life. If they do not want you now, move on. Anything a person does now will not work. You broke up because it is broken.

 

I am not trying to get my ex back any longer. I am moving on with my life and have said my peace. If one day he comes to me and wants to see me, okay. But right now I do not see it going where I want it to go and refuse to waste my time.

 

I love him and a part of me always will, but its time.

 

MOVE ON. If it is meant to be it will be.

[Vinny85]

Thanks for the post. I think I can really relate to it. However, I am trying to figure out what the 'bike' in your analogy is representing exactly.

 

Personally I imagine it being your own life. Getting yourself back. Most people don't really know how to live their own life w/o their ex. However, it is not different from living your life before meeting your ex. Just like riding the bike again is not different from how it was before you fell off. But on the other hand I can imagine you try to say: Don't keep asking how to get your ex back. Take the advice, draw your conclusions and take a shot. Don't be affraid of getting hurt (falling of the bike) again. You won't be able to ride your bike again (reconcilliate) as long as you just keep looking at it, feeling hurt, and wondering how you should ride it now. Or even be afraid to fall off again.

 

Anyway, in both cases, I think it holds the truth. Thanks again!

[NorthDallas40]

Look, it comes down to one word: confidence.

 

The answer is inside you. At one time, you were the confident, attractive person that your ex fell for. You already know how to be that person. And you can become that person again. But in order to do so, you need to get back on the bike.

 

And that, is exactly what will give you the tools you need to reattract your ex.

 

Well said.

 

It's just too bad that a lot of dumpees don't seem to realize that they are going to have to change themselves for the better before they even have a chance of reconciliation. And even then, you're only increasing the odds of getting back together, not getting a guarantee.

 

And you have to be ok with that, and yourself.

 

After I got dumped in September, I said my piece to my ex, went into NC, and immediately started working on the things she said I needed to fix, plus more.

 

Three and a half months later, I'm healthier, happier, have less debt, more money, bad habits are gone (or at least in remission, fingers crossed), friends say I look great (and younger!), my car's fixed, I got a raise, I'm on the track to doing volunteer work, I'm following my creative interests, I've dated, I'm socializing, and I generally have a positive attitude about life.

 

And after reading that list, why wouldn't I?

 

So when I contact my ex in 2 weeks, I hope she's receptive for a dinner date. But if not, I can live with that.

 

And if we meet for dinner and says she doesn't want to reconcile, I'm ok with that too.

 

Why?

 

Because I know that I'm a much better person than I was when she dumped me. And if that's not enough for her, then obviously our relationship wasn't meant to be.

 

But I know I'll be a damn fine catch for another girl, and I can't help but feel good about that!

[olesun]

This.

 

This right here is exactly the mindset you need to be in.

 

Everyone. Please read this. Read it again. And model yourself off of it.

[NorthDallas40]

Everyone. Please read this. Read it again. And model yourself off of it.

 

Unless she rejects me for good in two weeks, I'm devastated, and I'm sobbing all over enotalone.com again. That part you can ignore.

[olesun]

Unless she rejects me for good in two weeks, I'm devastated, and I'm sobbing all over enotalone.com again. That part you can ignore.

 

I'll be right there to slap you. Don't worry.

[highcontrast]

Hi Oleseun, I know you've had endless personal requests for advice, so i apologise in advance, but i have a slightly different question/point of view, so i hope you don't mind me asking. Basically how does your advice differ from your original post (if at all) if you were the dumper and then wanting to reconcile?

 

Btw your post highlighting "Confidence" being the most important thing was absolutely fantastic, i know i totally became needy/lacked confidence after the breakup, even though i was the instigator of the break up (makes no sense, i know) because during the relationship i was very confident, perhaps over confident (and perhaps very complacent too)

 

Anyway I posted this the "push-pull theory" thread which basically explains my scenario. Thanks in advance.

[olesun]

Hi Oleseun, I know you've had endless personal requests for advice, so i apologise in advance, but i have a slightly different question/point of view, so i hope you don't mind me asking. Basically how does your advice differ from your original post (if at all) if you were the dumper and then wanting to reconcile?

 

Btw your post highlighting "Confidence" being the most important thing was absolutely fantastic, i know i totally became needy/lacked confidence after the breakup, even though i was the instigator of the break up (makes no sense, i know) because during the relationship i was very confident, perhaps over confident (and perhaps very complacent too)

 

Anyway I posted this the "push-pull theory" thread which basically explains my scenario. Thanks in advance.

 

My initial thought about your story was: Why haven't you contacted this girl yet? What the hell are you waiting for?

[highcontrast]

My initial thought about your story was: Why haven't you contacted this girl yet? What the hell are you waiting for?

 

Hi Olesun, no i did contact her numerous times (see quote below), sometimes to the point where i bugged her

 

there were "numerous" attempts to reconcile & apologise on my part especially straight after the break up, which were either re-butted by her or i was strung along and fed breadcrumbs later down the line (deservedly so...i know), she actually was very uncharacteristically malicious as she knew how much i was hurting, again it was deserved.

 

Right after the break up i was ultra desperate to make amends but she did not want to know, i tried really hard to apologise, begged for reconcilaition to the point where i became weak and needy (hence me losing my confidence - i became the dumpee essentially).

 

And over the last 18 months its been a case of LC here and there from me mixed with me really bombarding her (the persistence approach), and her either telling me to get lost or feeding me breadcrumbs and just toying with me. She really really cared for me and wanted to be with me (there was talk of marriage) but i guess i broke her heart. My biggest ever regret was not appreciating what i had until it was gone.

[rippedinsides]

Hi Olesun, no i did contact her numerous times (see quote below), sometimes to the point where i bugged her

 

 

 

Right after the break up i was ultra desperate to make amends but she did not want to know, i tried really hard to apologise, begged for reconcilaition to the point where i became weak and needy (hence me losing my confidence - i became the dumpee essentially).

 

And over the last 18 months its been a case of LC here and there from me mixed with me really bombarding her (the persistence approach), and her either telling me to get lost or feeding me breadcrumbs and just toying with me. She really really cared for me and wanted to be with me (there was talk of marriage) but i guess i broke her heart. My biggest ever regret was not appreciating what i had until it was gone.

 

 

There was a point of time I would have said the same thing too. But after going NC for a while and keeping it to LC now, I've learned how much of a pain I was to my ex. And I need to really say that I admire his patience with me for putting up with me bugging him for the past 11 months after our breakup. I've sent him as many as 100 messages in a single day. There were times when my messages ran the entire gamut of calling him names and blaming him. And of course when I sent those messages he ignored me. But when I expressed my feelings he would respond and in a very kind manner. Looking back, I can see that although he was the dumper, he showed more restraint and consideration for me after the breakup, than I showed for him. I became clingy, needy and let my own feelings blind me to such an extent that I didn't realize that I was pushing him further away from me than every before. I felt that it was my RIGHT to take off on him and throw tantrums, and that just because he initiated the breakup, he deserved it if I tormented him with my ceaseless begging, messages, long e-mails and much more. It took some time and space for me to get my head screwed on at least a little bit right, and I realized what a miserable person I had become. Right after a breakup, it is NOT okay to contact your ex. Your emotions are in a mess and so are theirs because a breakup is never easy unless your ex was desperate to get rid of you and move in with another. If there was no one else involved, chances are that you both just need some time and space away to get your priorities right and see whether what went wrong can be fixed and if your relationship can be saved.

 

Apologies don't really make sense when you are driven by emotion, and bombarding your ex won't help. It may not necessarily be breadcrumbs that she is feeding you. At times, she might want to really communicate with you, but when you are persistently trying to bring up something that was the source of pain between you (your relationship), then it becomes harder for her to maintain an open line of communication with you. If she really really cared and loved you, then when you are persistent it probably is breaking down her resolve to have nothing to do with you, and she might be responding positively for a while, and then hardening herself again.

 

Quite often we really appreciate things only after we've lost them. However, it's not too late to fix things. It all starts with fixing yourself. My ex and I had a rational conversation today after over 2 weeks. I didn't intend talking to him but we sort of ran into each other. During the past two weeks I've been doing some soul-searching on the person I was vs the person I've become. I've realized that I've made out my relationship with him to be my entire source of happiness, rather than viewing it in the right perspective - a contributor to my happiness. We had a conversation for a little over an hour. I explained to him why I need time away from him and he totally agreed. But then he also said that the last times that we broke up and got together again, we didn't really work on ourselves or problems between us, and that those reconciliations were impulsive. So obviously they didn't work out well. In fact, because things were not resolved, irritations between us got worse and worse and led to this breakup. He told me that he does want to work things out, but not right now because both of us are not in the right frame of mind to fix things. He said he needs to work out a few things and I agree that I too need some more time to get myself back on track. He also told me that just because we spoke today, it doesn't mean that we are back together and all of that. I agreed with him. I also told him that I'm not looking for a relationship with him at this point. I really mean that. I'm not ready to get back into an intense relationship until I can fix myself emotionally, learn to be more balanced, and learn to view my ex in a balanced way. That is going to take time. Till then, we agreed to keep contact low, and not talk about anything controversial (that could cause fights between us). While I still love him and always will, I've realised that I can't do justice to the love that I have for him if I don't love myself first. A relationship with him is just a part of my life - it doesn't have to be my whole life. We shared 6 years of our lives together and neither of us is seeing anyone else. In fact, there were many things that he told me over the last couple of months which led me to believe that he does love me but when I spoke of a commitment, he freaked out and broke up. Anyway, I'm not pushing for a relationship right now. My ex literally begged me to work on sorting my emotions out because he was not willing to work on a relationship with me while I was still going through depression, because if we are both not in a clear frame of mind, we can't work out core issues. I think that's something that everyone who has been dumped needs to do. If we don't sort out our emotions, we will never be able to fix things and we will never be able to survive on the whole.

 

My ex told me something today that I wanted to share with this forum. He said that quite often we keep looking at "technicalities". We think if we do something in some particular way, things might work out. But that's not how life works. There are times we just have to work on ourselves, not with the hope of getting someone back or with the aim of an end result. We will only end up with disappointments, or even if we get what we want, we may not be too happy because there might be delays, etc. I was thinking of this in line with our exes. We often look at technicalities - we think if we go NC, it WILL make someone miss us. Yes, it might. But where does it really leave us? Our exes will miss us and maybe try to get in touch. And then what? Do the real issues get resolved? We haven't worked on ourselves, solved what caused the breakup. It just becomes a game of power because when our ex is desperate to get in touch with us, it give us a shot in the arm and we feel that we have a chance. Another technicality that many of us get into with our relationships is that we think that a particular "mode of operation" will get us our exes back. We are not robots and neither are our exes. I've posted a lot on these forums but I failed to realise what I really want. Do I want my ex? Do I want happiness? Why do I feel that only my ex will give me happiness? Why did he break up with me? Am I looking at the full picture? What did I contribute towards the breakup? What did I learn from the breakup about myself? What is my level of maturity in the way I handled myself after the breakup? I never really answered all these questions and that made me a miserable person. My advice - just give it some space. I don't believe in fate. But I believe that once you bond with a person, you never really lose that bond. So just sit back for a while and let go of all expectations. Don't give up on the person you love, but at the same time, don't suffocate them. They need time to think and get things back into perspective. It took time for you to fall in love in the first place, when neither of you had any bad experiences between you. Now, after the breakup, it's going to take even more effort to reconcile. Are you willing to put in that effort? If you are, the first big task that lies ahead of you is yourself. Stop bombarding her and being persistent. Work on your emotional issues and become the man she fell in love with. Try to figure out what went wrong and sincerely commit to fixing your role in it. Anger and bad feelings do last after a breakup. By your persistence, you are probably just fueling these bad feelings, and hence she is malicious, etc. Work on yourself and she will see the difference. If my ex came back to me and told me he changed, I wouldn't listen to it. However, if he SHOWED me by ACTIONS over a PERIOD OF TIME, then I would be more inclined to work on reconciling. There is no guarantee that you WILL get her back. However, fixing yourself will help you become a more positive person and help you heal.

[beatlesfan123]

Hey olesun, would really appreciate some advice from a fresh perspective.

 

So me and my ex broke up 5 months ago, strict NC, she told me she was moving back to her home country and that was that. A month ago she turned up at my work friend's leaving do (she used to work at my offices but left a year ago) which was a massive surprise to me as like I said, she left the company a year ago, and supposedly the country 5 months ago! I thought I was over the break up but I got drunk and angry at her (she left me by text and turned up in my city, God knows where she really was :s) A week later I sent a message saying I was embarrassed and wished her happiness.

 

I'm 99.9% sure she's back in the country for good now, though obviously hasn't told me. Why would she? I was back to NC and after being angry at myself and her for the breakup, I forgave myself, forgave her for leaving me, didn't blame her for putting me in a situation where I was always going to embarrass myself. This was the first time I really understood why she left without getting overemotional or placing blame or wishing I could turn back time. But I did damage to the situation the last time we met. She may have forgiven me for this and she may not have. If she hasn't then I'd like to know and not stick with NC (I'm done healing from the actual breakup now, I need a gameplan) unless she wants me out of her life for good, if she has forgiven me it doesn't mean she wants me back but it does open a small, small window.

 

Considering I am blocked on FB and whatsapp (I sent her my last message through this so I could see if she could read it. She did - then blocked me) and she doesn't check her emails very often, is a quick text the way to go? Or is the fact I'm blocked on FB and whatsapp just a clear indication that she definitely doesn't want to hear from me due to our last encounter and that even if I do believe I should make a move, the best move is actually moving on and MAYBE if she does want to hear from me she'll be the one that initiates it?

 

My issue is - NC has healed me from the breakup. But I'm never going to get truly over HER if I don't try. I can't go a lifetime of wondering what could have been due to following NC blindly when I have already learnt from my shortcomings and really got my life back together. NC to me seems like indecision. So what is the correct decision, and like I said, is a light text without expecting an answer really going to hurt my chances or can it be the foot in the door like you've described in your original post?

[beatlesfan123]

^F*ck it, I'm sending the text, just by writing that post and waiting for a response I've over thought and that's not the way I want to approach this text!

[Fraggle]

Beatlesfan,

 

this is how i felt and decided to do what i did...

 

bon chance...