How I Got Her Back The First Time, Thoughts on NC, Etc.

[Kristenelaine]

Woke up early this morning due to an anxiety attack. Not sure why I am feeling so negatively when our last meeting was so positive.

 

He is out of town in Vegas for a family/friends wedding. And he isnt the type to sleep around..even single. SO I think that is a major part of it. Allowing myself to trust someone fully is hard, now I have to try to trust someone I am not even with.

 

I have to keep reminding myself of his character and that he wouldnt be keeping me in his life to hurt me.

 

Accepting the situation and accepting my feelings is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I have to keep reminding myself that I am desirable, fun, caring, kind, generous, and someone who a man can love with his whole heart.

 

My logical self knows all will work out the way its supposed to in the end, and my ex and I are on our way to finding each other again. My emotional and fear full side, is simply in panic.

[olesun]

Read the previous page. You need to accept that there's the possibility your ex is dating/sleeping with/has feelings for someone else. Until you do, you're not going to be able to handle this. You're still very emotionally invested. I sincerely believe that there are plenty of things he could say to you that would move you to tears in less than 5 seconds flat. That's not the strength you need to make this happen. Not only is he ALLOWED to date other people, he's most likely encouraged to by friends, family, etc. If you're thinking in terms of being able to "trust him" when he's not even your boyfriend, your expectations are already way too skewed.

 

First Step: Stop feeling bad for yourself. You are a grown woman. This is not the end of the world. This also isn't a movie. Someone "loving you with their whole heart" is different in a real world application. You're still clearly feeling very rejected by this and it concerns me, because it's entirely possible you have additional rejection in the future. If you can't handle it, you wont be able to do this.

[Kristenelaine]

He hasnt told his family we broke up. So I doubt they are pushing him to date. All of the above is correct. I Didnt mean "whole heart" like the movies. I meant it, in the aspect of commitment and hard work.

 

Maybe I am not ready. But out of sight, out of mind. I need to have some kind of presence in his life if this is going to move forward one day. Or maybe I should just go away.

 

Still deciding.

[olesun]

He hasnt told his family we broke up. So I doubt they are pushing him to date. All of the above is correct. I Didnt mean "whole heart" like the movies. I meant it, in the aspect of commitment and hard work.

 

Maybe I am not ready. But out of sight, out of mind. I need to have some kind of presence in his life if this is going to move forward one day. Or maybe I should just go away.

 

Still deciding.

 

I don't disagree that you need presence in his life in order for things to move forward. But I'm concerned about your ability to handle the trial and error it requires.

I'm not kidding about accepting the possibility that he might sleep with someone else if he hasn't already. I'm not saying that to be mean. It's because you need to be ready

for anything.

 

If you love him and want another shot with him in the future; this is essential. Because not only do you need to be able to handle the information, you need to be ready to forgive him for it. Believe me, if you are already three steps ahead, this entire process will go far more smoothly. Take your ego out of the equation and accept him for who he is. All of him. Or move on.

[Kristenelaine]

"Take your ego out of the equation and accept him for who he is. All of him. Or move on."

 

I completely agree

[blacklantana]

What I meant was that you have already re-established lines of communication. Look at some of the other stories here on this board. There are many here who can't even get their ex to speak to them. You've not only accomplished this; but even have her turning to you to speak about emotional issues. That part is done. But your continuing to have light chats with your ex isn't taking any next steps. You're just treading water instead of moving forward. And I understand why you're doing it. You're nervous that if you make the next move, she'll retreat and you'll lose the progress you've made. But you've basically proven that you have trouble with honesty. And if you aren't upfront with her about what you want (at least as far as hanging out is concerned), you'll end up pushing her away eventually anyway.

 

A few questions here.

-Are you saying I need to be upfront about being with her, or just being upfront about wanting to see her and have a casual hang out?

-A few days ago she was telling me how broke she is, since she quit her job and is only going to school now. If we do hang out, what should we do? If we go out to eat or something, I know she will say she can't do that because she has no money to pay for it (she has said this in the past). So if we go eat, or have drinks, do I just pay for her? If I pay for her, that might seem like a 'date', no?

- She's supposedly going to check out her internship for law school next month in New York (she's might be doing a summer internship, but then is coming back). And New York is where her b/f lives... I assume I need to see her before she goes.

 

 

Your next communication with her should be the following:

* Ignore her next call.

* Return the call at your convenience, no sooner than 24 hours.

* See what she wanted to talk about. And then quickly change turn the conversation about meeting up. Make it casual and fun.

* If she says no, you cheerfully say "I understand" or "Okay, maybe next time."

 

From here, continuing to be her emotional tampon without pushing things forward is not good.

 

Yesterday (around noon) we had a very light exchange, then I told her I'll talk to her later. She then text me around 10pm (didn't answer). Then she text me around 1am to come online to talk to her (didn't answer). Then around 3am, saying she had something something to tell me and show me, but that I was a jerk (sarcastically & playfully) for not coming on (didn't answer). Then she just text me right now saying "even though ur a jerk for ignoring me, I just had your back. so ur welcome"... I have no idea what's she is even talking about. I haven't answered yet, will wait for your response.

 

Btw, we have been talking for only less than 1 week as of now, since NC. Do you think it's too soon to ask her if she wants to hang out? Wouldn't that put pressure on her? And again, considering the money thing, what should I ask her to do.

 

Thanks again for everything olesun.

[olesun]

1. I think that if it has only been one week of talking, it might be a bit soon to move towards a hang out. But next week should be just fine, considering how forward she's being about contact. Here's how I see it panning out. You can respond to her and ask what she "had your back" about. Keep it brief. Then back into temporary NC. Next week, when she texts you, ignore it, then call her yourself the following day and ask her if she wants to get together. Remember, you aren't obligated to respond to her. She dumped you, man. I know I've been talking a lot about not listening to your ego, but you don't want to be on the other end of the spectrum, either. Respect yourself. Create some mystery.

 

2. Who cares if it seems like a date? Buy her a drink. I'd honestly spend this weekend getting a new outfit and making sure you look like a million dollars.

 

3. Probably for the best, yes.

 

Most importantly, be honest with your friend. ASAP.

[blacklantana]

I just responded to her, and tried to keep it brief. For the last 10 minutes she's been sort of seriously (yet jokingly) asking why I ignored her last night. Saying that it's probably BS that I didn't see those text before I slept. Saying stuff like "I texting you like 10 times!.. I'd be ok if u just admitted u were ignoring me or don't want to talk to me much but you play it off instead!"...then I said I wasn't ignoring you!, and I jokingly said "stop being mean! "... and she writes "you were mean to me ".... and she says "you know I don't like being ignored! u coulda made an effort and showed ur not by responding today!"... then she jokingly called me a jerk and said "now u have to wait to hear what I had to say and u can feel ignored and see how you like it!"... I just put haha, and played it cool...

 

I know she's being semi-serious because she actually HATES being ignored. If I do continuously ignore her like this, or go very low contact, do you think she'll end up getting "fed up"... because she is very attention craving. Just in between typing this out, she just sent another message saying "I'll probably tell you and then u'll just ignore me again, so screw you"... Again, I know she's joking, but also semi-serious.... What to do?

 

Thanks again olesun.

 

P.S. I am telling my friend soon.

 

*Post edit* She jokingly says "I thought we could be friends. GUESS NOT"... what the heck?

[olesun]

I want you to answer your own questions first before I tell you what I think. Post your answers.

 

Do you think she'll end up getting fed up due to you not responding to her every beck and call because she is very attention craving?

 

Do you really think she just wants to be friends based on her behavior? Is this how your other friends act?

[blacklantana]

I want you to answer your own questions first before I tell you what I think. Post your answers.

 

Do you think she'll end up getting fed up due to you not responding to her every beck and call because she is very attention craving?

 

Do you really think she just wants to be friends based on her behavior? Is this how your other friends act?

 

Hmmm. I think it depends what I tell her when I do talk to her again, after the "ignoring"... Like if I tell her, "hey was busy", whether I was out with friends, at work or doing music, etc... I don't think she will be genuinely upset and mad at me if she knows I was doing something legit, but at the same time, instead of ignoring her, could I just say something like "hey, busy, talk to you a little later"... which I did yesterday, but she kept contacting me a lot at night.

 

Based on what I've seen, I think there's a possibility she wants to be more than friends (but it's also possible that maybe she just likes the attention and wants to keep me around as a friend?)... And no, none of my friends act like her, lol.

 

*Post edit. Now she is back to joking and laughing with me through text. LoL*

[olesun]

Hmmm. I think it depends what I tell her when I do talk to her again, after the "ignoring"... Like if I tell her, "hey was busy", whether I was out with friends, at work or doing music, etc... I don't think she will be genuinely upset and mad at me if she knows I was doing something legit, but at the same time, instead of ignoring her, could I just say something like "hey, busy, talk to you a little later"... which I did yesterday, but she kept contacting me a lot at night.

 

If you can't tell, I'm trying to get you thinking clearly. So, here's the thing.

She. Does. Not. Have. A. Right. To. Blow. You. Up.

 

It doesn't matter if you're on a yacht with 20 super models, sitting alone in your room making music or simply not in the mood to talk.

You are not obligated to tell her what you're doing or whether you're busy. You really need to drill this concept in your head.

Because it's crucial for her to respect you. Right now, she's throwing a temper tantrum because you're not jumping through her hoops.

That's not about love. That's about power and knowing that her safety net is still there.

 

By ignoring her a bit, you make her more susceptible to meet you halfway. In other words, we're working now to secure a meet up in the future.

If you want to gamble a little sooner, next time she texts today, ignore it. Then call her up later and say "Hey. Listen, I'm not ignoring you. I've just got a lot going on. Would you want to meet for a drink next week to catch up?" If she doesn't answer, don't leave a voicemail. Simply don't respond to any form of texts. We're going to deem that form of conversation too informal now. She's playing hardball. And you have to play it back.

[blacklantana]

Ok, right now we were texting back n' forth and joking, etc... I'll just ween it off casually and say I got to get back to work. Then next time she texts, I'll ignore it till tomorrow. Then tomorrow I can give her a call and say I'm not ignoring her, etc, and ask her if she wants to meet up next week. I think at some point, after she throws her temper tantrum and doesn't get what she wants, she'll probably ignore me for a few days to "get back at me" for ignoring her... It's how she works. She might even decline meeting up with me just to spite me because in her mind I'd be ignoring her... lol

 

But you're right.. I should keep the conversation to a minimum. The push/pull... Today we have had some good laughs through text, but now it's time to pull back. I'll just focus on talking to her tomorrow. But the only thing is, what if she calls me tonight? I guess I don't answer right?

[gigginstick]

Why would you ignore her at all if you want her back? As long as she is contacting you, just be relaxed, and respond. Its time to pull your big boy pants up and get dirty if ya gotta. Like i said if she initiates respond especially knowing she hates to be ignored.

[blacklantana]

Why would you ignore her at all if you want her back? As long as she is contacting you, just be relaxed, and respond. Its time to pull your big boy pants up and get dirty if ya gotta. Like i said if she initiates respond especially knowing she hates to be ignored.

 

But olesun was saying otherwise?....

 

I believe it's so she doesn't get too comfortable and pretty much start to "friend-zone" me, or as olesun put it "have a saftey-net"... Like her emotional tampon. I don't know... I'm still new at this whole "trying to get your ex back" thing.

[olesun]

But you're right.. I should keep the conversation to a minimum. The push/pull... Today we have had some good laughs through text, but now it's time to pull back. I'll just focus on talking to her tomorrow. But the only thing is, what if she calls me tonight? I guess I don't answer right?

 

If she calls tonight, the BEST thing to do would be to ignore the call. Then call back 20 minutes later.

It shows you're not waiting by your phone for her to call you. Then, I would immediately proceed to asking for the hangout.

 

The reason you need to do this is because it's time to upgrade communication. Texting, while insanely popular right now, is a downgrade of communication.

Intentions can be misinterpreted, thoughts can be skewed and the nuances, details and context of a traditional conversation is lost.

If you upgrades her next texting attempt to a phone call and ask her to hang out next week, it says: "Hey. I was there for you the other night. Let's make this more personal. Meet me halfway." EVEN IF she declines, we now have more information about her intentions and where she stands with things. That information is important, because it will tell you how to proceed from here.

 

If she says no to hanging out, simply reply casually. And then end the conversation shortly after. "Anyway, I've gotta run. I'll talk to you soon."

And then pull back into NC a few days.

 

Why would you ignore her at all if you want her back? As long as she is contacting you, just be relaxed, and respond. Its time to pull your big boy pants up and get dirty if ya gotta. Like i said if she initiates respond especially knowing she hates to be ignored.

 

Simple. She has a boyfriend. She has also been texting/calling him all week long. As it stands, she is dictating the flow of things.

She is asking for an unreasonable amount of his time without stating her intentions or elevating the situation. She's being needy.

When he was needy, he got dumped.

 

It's not so much "ignoring" as it is being unavailable. It reminds her that things are different now through her own actions. He's not available 24/7 because she made it that way.

It's not out of spite, but to get her thinking about her own decisions. If you couple this with a face to face meeting in the future, she'll have the resources she needs to consider him differently.

 

You need to trust me on this. He could continue talking to her over text for another three weeks with absolutely nothing happening.

At any given time, he could say something "wrong" and the entire situation could 180 back to hardcore NC on her part.

In this way, he's taking the reigns into his own hands and putting up his half of the dance.

He has admitted himself that he was needy. This sends the message to her that he's a different man and is playing by different rules.

If he simply acts the same way he did when he was her boyfriend, why would she bother to meet him halfway?

[blacklantana]

If she calls tonight, the BEST thing to do would be to ignore the call. Then call back 20 minutes later.

It shows you're not waiting by your phone for her to call you. Then, I would immediately proceed to asking for the hangout.

 

The reason you need to do this is because it's time to upgrade communication. Texting, while insanely popular right now, is a downgrade of communication.

Intentions can be misinterpreted, thoughts can be skewed and the nuances, details and context of a traditional conversation is lost.

If you upgrades her next texting attempt to a phone call and ask her to hang out next week, it says: "Hey. I was there for you the other night. Let's make this more personal. Meet me halfway."

EVEN IF she declines, we now have more information about her intentions and where she stands with things. That information is important.

 

Throughout our entire 4 year friend ship, we ALWAYS texted. She doesn't like talking on the phone (although she did call me on my birthday almost 1 week back)... Even when we were dating, 90% of our communication was through text and/or online. As of today, we just now sort of came to a stand still on the convo, and from here I can ignore... She still hasn't told me what she "stuck up for me" about, but if she text me later, I'll just ignore until tomorrow. Then I'll call her after work tomorrow!

 

 

Simple. She has a boyfriend. She has also been texting/calling him all week long. As it stands, she is dictating the flow of things.

She is asking for an unreasonable amount of his time without elevating the situation.

 

It's not so much "ignoring" as it is being unavailable. It reminds her that things are different now through her own actions. He's not available 24/7 because she made it that way.

It's not out of spite, but to get her thinking about her own decisions. If you couple this with a face to face meeting in the future, she'll have the resources she needs to consider him differently.

 

Yeah makes sense. It's like she is filling the void of her "b/f" living so far away with talking to me and trying to be "close friends" with me again... I dont want to be close friends, I want to be with her. Although, I assume being "close" and having trust with her again is how to start this. Correct?

[olesun]

Throughout our entire 4 year friend ship, we ALWAYS texted. She doesn't like talking on the phone (although she did call me on my birthday almost 1 week back)... Even when we were dating, 90% of our communication was through text and/or online. As of today, we just now sort of came to a stand still on the convo, and from here I can ignore... She still hasn't told me what she "stuck up for me" about, but if she text me later, I'll just ignore until tomorrow. Then I'll call her after work tomorrow!

 

There you go. I like that you ignored my suggestion to call back tonight and chose instead to extend the waiting period further. That shows me you're getting the hang of this.

Thank god!

 

Honestly, the texting thing is kind of irrelevant. I know what you're referring to and I've had some girls that prefer text, too. But someone calling you on the phone says a few things:

1. I'm too busy right now to sit and fiddle with a text.

2. I want to be assertive with a direct, vocal connection. (This is attractive.)

3. This is important enough that it warrants something more personal.

 

All of these things are going to work to your advantage when asking her to meet.

 

Yeah makes sense. It's like she is filling the void of her "b/f" living so far away with talking to me and trying to be "close friends" with me again... I dont want to be close friends, I want to be with her. Although, I assume being "close" and having trust with her again is how to start this. Correct?

 

Yep. It's a complicated dance. In efforts to get back together and reconcile your issues, you're going to need to be close with her.

But truthfully, you already are. You were consoling her the other night and she showed appreciation for that. You've demonstrated the compassion.

The next step is to demonstrate some flirtation and raise her attraction during the meeting. You need to enter lady-killer mode from here. That doesn't mean being a jerk.

It means making it clear, not through words but actions, that you are not looking to be just friends. And in a way, you'll convince her that she can't either.

[blacklantana]

There you go. I like that you ignored my suggestion to call back tonight and chose instead to extend the waiting period further. That shows me you're getting the hang of this.

Thank god!

 

Honestly, the texting thing is kind of irrelevant. I know what you're referring to and I've had some girls that prefer text, too. But someone calling you on the phone says a few things:

1. I'm too busy right now to sit and fiddle with a text.

2. I want to be assertive with a direct, vocal connection. (This is attractive.)

3. This is important enough that it warrants something more personal.

 

All of these things are going to work to your advantage when asking her to meet.

 

I didn't even really think about that, until you said it now (in regards to the phone thing). Thanks for the insight dude! And yes, although it's hard for me ignore her (since I do want to talk to her), I am trying to get the hang of this. But also, I don't want her getting all upset and pissy, even though she technically has no right to be, since we are just friends... as you stated.

 

 

Yep. It's a complicated dance. In efforts to get back together and reconcile your issues, you're going to need to be close with her.

But truthfully, you already are. You were consoling her the other night and she showed appreciation for that. You've demonstrated the compassion.

The next step is to demonstrate some flirtation and raise her attraction during the meeting. You need to enter lady-killer mode from here. That doesn't mean being a jerk.

It means making it clear, not through words but actions, that you are not looking to be just friends. And in a way, you'll convince her that she can't either.

 

This is true, something else i didn't think of. Lol, you got all the insight don't ya? I know we both already consider each other "close", especially since she did confide in me the other night. And for the next step, in regards to flirtation, how do I demonstrate this during our meet up (that's if she agrees to meet up with me). I assume things like touching (not obvious but light, such as wiping an eye lash off her face). And what about compliments... should I compliment her when I first see her? (obviously not over doing it), but casually saying something like, nice bracelet or "you smell good", etc.... I don't want to come off as overbearing, but I also want to flirt (as you stated)

[rosasnyder811]

I need to point out here, the OP although calling this NC, it is not NC. First of all, bravo for staying in touch during a difficult time.

 

It's important that if you need time, you tell your ex that, don't just start ignoring them, because as the OP said, they will interpret that as you not caring, or as you being desperate.

Let them know that they won't hear from you for awhile, and let them know why. Do it without being accusatory.

Let them know if they want to talk to you, you will be available, but they won't be hearing from you for awhile.

 

Send them a message every week or so to see how they are doing.

Show them you care.

[gigginstick]

I basically agree with ya, i just wouldnt ignore, multiple messages. My ex doesnt ever initiate communication, but she does still respond most of the time. She did tell me not to write her anymore sometime in january, so i did for 3 weeks lol. Now ive had a few conversatio.ns with her, the last couple days. Sp now i gotta go back being patient for a week or so. Then Ill engage again. She is dating someone right now, but has not ever talked about it to me. I just feel like if she truly didnt want to text/ talk with me she would just say listen im seeing somebody so i cant talk to you anymore at all. I would then stop undoubtedly.

Ive got some threads floatin around somewhere on here. How do you think Im doing? Approach wise? Ultimate my next stage is to get her comfortable enough to start iniating with me.

[olesun]

But also, I don't want her getting all upset and pissy, even though she technically has no right to be, since we are just friends... as you stated.

 

No. Nay. Nix. Nunca. It doesn't matter if she gets pissy. That's her problem, not yours! You're not on a leash. You're a single, sexy man who she foolishly let out into the open.

Change your mindset on this!

 

This is true, something else i didn't think of. Lol, you got all the insight don't ya? I know we both already consider each other "close", especially since she did confide in me the other night. And for the next step, in regards to flirtation, how do I demonstrate this during our meet up (that's if she agrees to meet up with me). I assume things like touching (not obvious but light, such as wiping an eye lash off her face). And what about compliments... should I compliment her when I first see her? (obviously not over doing it), but casually saying something like, nice bracelet or "you smell good", etc.... I don't want to come off as overbearing, but I also want to flirt (as you stated)

 

Let her have a bite of your food from your fork. Light touching as you described is good. Make eye contact. Watch to see if she reciprocates the touching. Look her in the eyes and make a humorous reference to a sexual moment in your past as a joke in response to something she says. Keep a straight face and then crack a smile. Make her laugh about it. You have the right idea about compliments. "You smell good" would be better than complimenting a bracelet. After all, it's more intimate. Put yourself in James Bond mode. Make her feel like if she slept with you that night, it might very well change her life. But also make her feel like she would need to jump through some hoops to make that happen. (Don't sleep with her, though.)

 

I need to point out here, the OP although calling this NC, it is not NC. First of all, bravo for staying in touch during a difficult time.

 

It's important that if you need time, you tell your ex that, don't just start ignoring them, because as the OP said, they will interpret that as you not caring, or as you being desperate.

Let them know that they won't hear from you for awhile, and let them know why. Do it without being accusatory.

Let them know if they want to talk to you, you will be available, but they won't be hearing from you for awhile.

 

Send them a message every week or so to see how they are doing.

Show them you care.

 

I'm not calling this NC, actually. In the post, I state that NC is necessary in the beginning to get the dust of your shoulders.

After that, it becomes more like LC. But I'm not a fan of that term.

 

The rest of your advice is solid. Though, I think repeatedly checking to see how your ex is doing is somewhat boring and won't spark interest.

Ideally, most opening texts should almost arch a brow on their end. Like "Huh?" Sparking curiosity goes a lot further than a greeting card "Just letting you know I still care" kind of text.

[olesun]

The reason you think this is because you aren't in his situation. Your ex isn't sending you multiple messages in a day asking why you're not responding after she dumped you for someone else. I know your feeling. When I was in the depths of NC and wishing my ex would just say something, I watched threads like this and thought "What are you doing!? Talk to her!"

 

But once you clear your head, you realize that giving someone your entire attention is unhealthy. Hell, there are even therapists who advise people to let a few texts and calls go unanswered in a healthy relationship to keep things exciting. You're not an receptionist. You're a boyfriend/girlfriend with your own life.

 

As for your situation, she isn't telling you because she isn't sure about him yet. She knows/thinks that if she tells you, it will be the nail in the coffin for your relationship.

So you're right, in a way, that her not disclosing that information could be a good thing.

 

Getting her to initiate is tough. And it's something that I can't give advice on because everyone is different. Once you get her talking regularly, though, a wise move would be to

end one of the text conversations abruptly. IE: Let her have the last text. Bonus points if it's a question. Then, don't respond for a few days. Within a day or so, she should text you first.

 

She'll have "broken the ice" per say. Believe me, she's well aware that she hasn't initiated contact with you.

[gigginstick]

I mean she isnt trying to hide the fact that she is talking to somebody else, ex: posting pics on FB about it, but we arent friends on facebook. So she knows that I know shes at least "talking to somebody", but she has not flatout came out and said listen I cant talk to you becuase I have a boyfriend.

 

Do you really think this is a good thing? Or just wishful thinking?

 

I dont know to me if she really didnt want anything to do with me she would just not answer any of my contact ya know?

[olesun]

I mean she isnt trying to hide the fact that she is talking to somebody else, ex: posting pics on FB about it, but we arent friends on facebook. So she knows that I know shes at least "talking to somebody", but she has not flatout came out and said listen I cant talk to you becuase I have a boyfriend.

 

Do you really think this is a good thing? Or just wishful thinking?

 

I dont know to me if she really didnt want anything to do with me she would just not answer any of my contact ya know?

 

That day might come. And even then, it may not mean she doesn't want anything to do with you.

 

You're looking for validation of your theory. And you won't get it from me. Not because I don't want to give it to you.

But because no one can. The only feelings you know are your own. I would keep moving forward with what you're doing right now.

Keep an even, measured pace and keep your head in the game. But keep in mind that your involvement in this should only be like 15% of your life.

Fill the rest of it with good things and it won't be such a brutal, painful waiting game.

[blacklantana]

No. Nay. Nix. Nunca. It doesn't matter if she gets pissy. That's her problem, not yours! You're not on a leash. You're a single, sexy man who she foolishly let out into the open.

Change your mindset on this!

 

Haha, speaking of the devil, she just texted me about something random. Saying she's irritated! I haven't responded and WON'T respond. She'll probably eventually say "ur ignoring me again", and may even say something like "seriously, ur an a**.. stop ignoring me"... At which point maybe I'll call her way WAY later tonight... or maybe I won't. LOL.. I do need to change my mindset, for sure... I'm just so used to talking to her CONSTANTLY, like 24/7

 

 

 

 

Let her have a bite of your food from your fork. Light touching as you described is good. Make eye contact. Watch to see if she reciprocates the touching. Look her in the eyes and make a humorous reference to a sexual moment in your past as a joke in response to something she says. Keep a straight face and then crack a smile. Make her laugh about it. You have the right idea about compliments. "You smell good" would be better than complimenting a bracelet. After all, it's more intimate. Put yourself in James Bond mode. Make her feel like if she slept with you that night, it might very well change her life. But also make her feel like she would need to jump through some hoops to make that happen. (Don't sleep with her, though.)

 

This sounds good, I will do this... If she gets a little tipsy, and DOES want to sleep with me or hint at it, I assume I should just brush it off and jokingly decline somewhat, correct? Also, I assume I do not mention or utter 1 word about her B/F?... I know she might bring up something about me dating other girls, and I'll just say something like "nothing serious as of now". Correct?

 

 

*PS* Earlier during the day, I had joked with her and text her saying I was going to make a meme of her and all her angry quotes. She laughed and a few lines later sent me like 7 pictures of herself, saying "you should use of these"... One was of her in a cop outfit, looking sexy, and had NOTHING to do with looking upset. I feel like she did this on purpose to make me want her and/or make me think about her sexually.... Obviously I could be wrong, but, she went out of her way to send me pictures? really.... weird