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I really don't know what to do anymore... Need help ASAP!!!!

Gingerdude123

By Gingerdude123
in Relationship Advice

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Gingerdude123 Newbie

Gingerdude123

Posted
Posted

So I have a problem buddy... Lately me and my girlfriend have been arguing quite a bit. It's not really so much us arguing, as her saying incredibly rude things to me and me just being passive about it. She'll go from "I think we need to take a break and seriously think about this relationship" to "I love you forever and I'm never going to leave you baby, I love you so much" in a matter of as little as 2 hours sometimes. Today after a wonderful day I made a joke about gross macaroni and she took it as something else, refused to even accept my explanation, and demanded we go on break for a week. I can't do this I have a life to live and she is totally consuming it. I love her so much but I don't know what to do, she freaks out about insane things. This morning I was on my way to see her, I told her I was at the meeting spot when I was one bus away and she said, I quote, "I HEAR YOU ON THE ****ING BUS YOU PIECE OF **** DON'T ****ING LIE TO ME" and almost didn't come out to see me, when it takes me about 3 hours (costing $12.00 in bus fair) to come see her. I don't know what to do could you offer me some advice?

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charity Community Regular

charity

Posted
Posted

this is simple. as long as you LET her talk to you this way she WILL talk to you this way AND she will get worse. i know because i was this person once. it happens especially when you have a passive boyfriend. stand up for yourself and let her know that this is unacceptable. let her know you are willing to walk away. a person who loves you will not threaten break up at every given chance.

 

if i had to guess i would say its likely that she is confused about her feelings for you. she may be thinking about breaking up but then she has her doubts. EVEYTHING you do wrong (ie not her way) she will see as a cue to leave you. but then she has times with you where she remembers why you guys are together.

 

however this is not good enough. you need to NOT be a pushover here. it may result in her making her minding up either way about how she feels. but you can't live your life with someone speaking to you in a derogatory manner .

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nutbrownhare Veteran

nutbrownhare

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Do you have friends or anyone you're close to, other than her, or are you very dependent on her for your social life, too?

 

I have to say, I agree with her when she says you need to think seriously about the relationship. If someone spoke to me like that, I'd take them at their word when they threatened to break up - and walk away, very very fast.

 

It's true that you're allowing her to talk to you like that, because you're still with her despite all the ill-treatment. However, SHE is the one responsible for her own feelings and her own words and actions. Nice people don't treat their partners like this. And even if you did stand up for yourself, she would probably just escalate the criticism and game playing to try and keep you in your place.

 

You need to recognise that you're responsible for your own happiness and your own life. Stop being so focused on her, and develop yourself - whether that means taking up new interests, meeting new people, getting a new social circle or taking a course. For as long as she is the major part of your life, you're going to be miserable.

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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I know I should stand up for myself but I'm just so scared she'll break up with me. Even when she gets mad and won't talk to me it's the worst feeling the world... I think this relationship might be coming to a conclusion I can't avoid...

 

I think you are right. It's coming to a conclusion, so now your job is to end this in a way that does as little damage to you as a person as possible.

 

She may drag this thing on for a long time if you allow it, as as you said, you can't live like that. She's being abusive.

 

If you accept that this relationship is finished, you'll have a better chance of getting out without letting it escalate any further.

 

Like nutbrownhare mentioned, now is the time to turn elsewhere and stop expecting that she can give you the emotional care you need. As much as you want that, she can't.

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jungledrums Apprentice

jungledrums

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Next time she threatens to break up with you, pretend you don't care , even agree with her. Break her power over you.

 

Yes, so true. Next time she threatens to break up with you, make sure you say, "You know, I think you're right. This isn't working out" and just watch the expression on her face change. She is probably used to you begging her not to break up, but as soon as you agree with her on the break up, she will suddenly realize that she doesn't have a stronghold over you anymore and you will then have control of the matter.

 

Don't be surprised if at that very moment the tables are turned. She may even question your agreeing to her. She will most likely be confused, and may even go along with the break up thinking she's got the upper hand, but just wait and watch her come back eventually and ask for forgiveness.

 

You must not contact her if you do break up. As much as you may be wanting to have her in your life, you must realize that she's got a problem with respect toward you and that needs to be fixed before you can even think of letting her back into your life. You will be torn, because you love her so much, but you have to believe that breaking up is the only way she will realize her mistakes.

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