princess5 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Hi guys I am bridesmaid for my best friend in July. Not her maid of honour as her sister takes this role. But I am next in line....she has four bridesmaids altogether. Her sister is not interested in wedding at all and refuses to help. My best friend could be classified as upper organised and decided her location which is fine. She went o college there and it has a lot of memories from there. I on other hand don't know much about this city or where to book. One of her other bridesmaids also went to college there and the bride told me last week that she, along with the bridesmaid would organise it. I said that was fine as I am v busy work wise at the moment. Fast forward a week. Spoke to bride tonight and she told me how super stressed she is and asked another friend (non bridesmaid) to help her with the hen... That she was so stressed that she couldn't cope with it all. Her other bridesmaid hadn't stepped up to mark. I must say I am v upset with her and told her how hurt I am that she didn't come to me... She said she din want to bother me as I said I was busy. Now I have always helped her n every way in the past, always been there for her. I always told her I was there if she needed help with anything for her wedding. We had a big row and I am v upset Who is in the wrong???? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I'm confused - you told her you were very busy so she found someone else to help -where's the problem in that? This is one of those situations where you have to decide -is it better to be right or to be close? I would choose the latter especially since she is stressed over the wedding. Cut her slack and maybe next time be clearer about your busyness- I probably would have found a replacement too. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 i don't see why you guys had a fight? since you don't know the city well, it makes sense that you don't organize the hen party. or i guess you could with some more research, if you are willing to put in the time and make phone calls, etc... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I said that was fine as I am v busy work wise at the moment. I must say I am v upset with her and told her how hurt I am that she didn't come to me... She said she din want to bother me as I said I was busy. I always told her I was there if she needed help with anything for her wedding. I'm confused too. I don't understand why you are so upset. You TOLD her you were very busy - which indicates you have/had no time to help. Then she finds someone who CAN help her when she needs it and now you tell her you are upset and hurt that she didn't ask you? You're sending her mixed messages. She has no idea what she's supposed to do with that (understandably, imo). She did the right thing in finding someone else who could help her. You told her you were too busy. ETA: I have moved your thread to the Friends/Friendships forum. Link to comment
Snny Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 You are a bridesmaid, not the wedding planner. I have no idea what the heck a "Hen Party" is, but the only thing you can help plan is the Bridal shower/Bachelorette party with the MOH. If your Bride friend wants to do all the planning for her wedding, then so be it. Your role is to support the bride and the actual ceremony, but the planning is on her and/or her wedding planner. Even though you are not the MOH, it is your job to make bridal shower/bachelorette party arrangements with the other bridesmaids. You can still take lead if no one else is willing to do so. The bride should not be doing any planning in that since her focus is on the ceremony AND reception. I must say I am v upset with her and told her how hurt I am that she didn't come to me... Put your feelings aside and don't start off with this statement. You look like a B and it doesn't mix well with your Bridezilla friend (which I assume she is if she wants EVERYTHING organized and picture perfect for her wedding). This only ADDS to the drama and stress the bride has to deal with on top of bridesmaids being uncooperative. Be the friend she can rely on and be like "Ok, I'm here for you and will do whatever I can." But never talk smack about the other bridesmaids/MOH or you cause a lot of drama among them (and worst case scenario, the bride decides to drop you if you cause problems). Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 A hen party is like the bridal shower/bachelorette party. Link to comment
princess5 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 Maybe I wasn't clear to her. Even though I told her I was busy, she KNEW I didn't mean that I wouldn't help her if she needed me. She knows that I would do anything for her, I have always been there for her. Nonetheless, she still struggled through and asked someone completely independent of wedding to help her out with the planning of the hen/bachelorette party. I just feel so bad and ashamed that she thought she couldn't come to me. I feel like I have let her down. Have I ? She is very stressed at the moment Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I feel like I have let her down. Have I ? It is possible that she feels let down, but she took your word for it when you told her you were very busy and said you were fine with the other girl organising (whatever it was). She took your word for it. She found someone who was available to help her. Link to comment
princess5 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 I am supposed to be her best friend. What kind of a friend tells her she is too busy to help her with something so huge? I am a total cow Link to comment
Snny Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 A hen party is like the bridal shower/bachelorette party. Gotcha. Just looked it up... it's a European name for it (sorry... from the States here and we don't call it this!). Not a big deal. So since no one is stepping up the host it, looks like you might be the one to do it and get the other wedding party members' butts in gear. It's just a one night party like going out to a club or whatever. it shouldn't take a lot of planning... just need to coordinate with people. Google is your friend. Why not take a trip with one of the bridesmaids there and start to get some ideas? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I don't think you can make the typical assumptions you make about what she understood you meant by "I'm very busy" in a situation like this where she is stressed out and feels overwhelmed. From my perspective the big deal here is the marriage not the party and as her best friend I'm sure you'll make it a priority to be supportive of her and her marriage should she come to you for input or advice. I know my opinion is not popular but it is how I feel so I figured I'd share. Link to comment
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