Met someone. Wondering if it's too soon?

[maggieMAE]

It's been 5 months now since the end of my 3 year relationship where my ex left me for someone else. I've been NC for 4 months now, minus when she would insist on us talking to the point of harassment and I had to ask her to please leave me alone.

 

I've struggled off and on. The emotions come in cycles. A few weeks ago I posted, venting about how angry I still am and how I do indeed miss who I thought my ex was. But I know I'm on the right track and there's no going back. I found out last week that she cheated on me for a long time during the relationship (I wasn't info fishing, promise) so that's been the final push to get these thoughts of her out of my head.

 

Now, I met someone a few weeks ago. We just talk, nothing serious at all, but it's been in the back of my head that we do have a lot in common and that it could eventually lead to a date, and I wasn't sure if I was ready. Well, the question came up and I accepted us going out this weekend.

 

Is it too soon? I'm very intrigued with this person, but I guess my bruised self-esteem from the ugly breakup kind of has me wanting to hide under a rock. I'm feeling very nervous and shy, but she's way too interesting to just pass up.

[rocko123]

To quote What About Bob, take baby-steps.

 

If you've found someone who intrigues you, great. If they like you, even better. But dating after a long term relationship can bring up some very tough to deal with emotions. The first thing you need to understand and keep with you is that most relationships fail so adjust your expectations and just go in for the experience, not the outcome.

 

And be sparing with the heavy things like serious relationship talk, future planning, and, of course, SEX. These are those expectation raisers that will quickly get you into hot water. Just have fun and make the new relationship one of wonder and discovery

 

Only you know if you are getting into something too soon. I think I've found someone pretty terrific too and it too is still very young. The question I keep asking myself is, "Do I love myself enough to walk away from this person if/when they reveal one of my deal breakers?" So far, my answer is yes.

[loveology]

I don't know, this is kind of a tough one since I think only you can be the real judge. I don't think 5 months is too soon chronologically but it's all about whether or not you feel ready.

 

Do you feel that you could date this person without constantly comparing her to your ex? Do you feel like you're at a point where you could fully commit your energy to her should things develop into something more serious?

 

I think sometimes that re-entering the dating world or starting a new relationship can really aid in the healing process if done at the right time and in the right way. If you're at a point where you're healed enough to really put energy and thought into a new relationship, I'd say you should go for it since it might help give you that last push you need to get over your ex.

[rocko123]

Another way to think of it is: "Don't fall in love. Crawl in love"

[maggieMAE]

Thanks, you two. I'm definitely watching for deal breakers. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did before in ignoring red flags. I've done that in two relationships so far and it's time to put an end to that pattern.

 

I haven't been comparing her to my ex at all, minus how nice she is compared to my experiences with other people.

 

I dunno! My shyness is just kind of getting to me. Haha. But I guess that's something everyone deals with when they start really getting back out there and dating again.

Any advice on that?

[rocko123]

Drink copius amounts of tequila...

 

Just kidding. Are you a naturally shy person or is it just the prospect of dating that has you feeling that way?

 

Either way, I don't think it's a big deal. Dating is sort of a scary thing.

[maggieMAE]

Tequila it is! Hahaha. JK.

 

I'm actually an extrovert with a tiny bit of social anxiety. I like big groups, but with one-on-one I turn into an awkward mess. That and it's been about 4 years since my last date with a new person.

[rocko123]

So I'd say be honest w/ her about the fact that it's your first in a while and that you're a little nervous. That way, you're in it together.

[maggieMAE]

Good idea. Thank you! I've been honest about how long it's been since the BU, but not that I haven't been on a date in awhile.

[quirky]

I'm so happy you have met someone you like !

 

Go with it dudette, see where it takes you, might be somewhere nice 8) It's too early to tell anything, it might fizzle out for all you know. If you do like her you will find yourself wanting to overcome any limitations holding you back.

[maggieMAE]

Thank you so much! Even if it goes nowhere, it's kind of refreshing.