Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Hoping you lot can give me some advice here, my long term GF has been out this week and got a tattoo on her back, I knew she was getting a tattoo and expected something small and feminine. She already knows that I'm not too hot about the other 4 tattoo's she has gotten since we got together but todays is just horrific.... she has gone and got something about the size of an A4 piece of paper accross her back! She txt me a photo of it and has asked what I think.... tbh I %&*$# hate it but what do I say? I've had to avoid her txting and calling me because I just don't know what to do..... is anyone able to help with this? Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 What CAN you do, other than accept it? It's permanent. Unless she goes in for costly laser tattoo removal, which is highly unlikely. Ultimately, if this is such a problem for you, you can break up with her. But now that you've given your opinion, and it's going to be there always, there is nothing else you can say or do. And it's not like you can dictate to her what to do with her body, unless you want to risk her hitting the highway. This is one conflict you're going to have to resolve within yourself, one way or another. Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Well, it's not anything to do with you -- shouldn't be an issue about it. Just say something polite like "Well, that's what you picked? Seems like a lot of work for a big piece, how was it?" Don't criticize or anything, it's not your place. If it's really against your sensibilities, then what do you have to do but to break up? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Not much you can do other than to decide whether it's a dealbreaker for you or not. Either learn to accept that she's very into tattoos and just let it go. If you don't like her new one, there's nothing wrong in voicing your honest opinion - tell her it's not your style and leave it at that. Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Is it the tattoo you don't like, or tattoos in general? The truth is that she'll prob keep getting more, it's a way for a lot of people to express themselves. You are going to have to decide if you'd rather have her with tattoos or someone else without them. Personaly I think it's superficial to break up with someone over a tattoo, but then again I'm a big fan! Link to comment
Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 I don't want to break up with her, we've been together 8 years, got engaged at Christmas and put a deposit for our first home on a development plot last month And what do you mean by its not anything to do with me? If I was making such an appearance changing decision I sure as hell bet she would have wanted to know. I now have a fiancée with an A4 Marilyn Manson head covering her back, it's horrific! Would you be happy if your OH txt you a pic of them with a life sized Marilyn Manson head tattooed to their back?? I can't believe she did this without consulting me for my opinion on it...... Link to comment
Snny Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I'm with you... but obviously, I am not you. There's two sides to this issue. One is that it is her body. She will want you to acknowledge her as an adult, and by that right she can do whatever she wants with it. The other issue is that she did something without your consent. You will always have that deep thinking that if she was capable to run off and do something without letting you know... what else is she going to do? I agree... she should have communicated this with you. Personally, I'd be honest with her since you are engaged to her and need to be honest. A giant MM tattoo... yuck, I would be way turned off too (but that's me). Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 If she made the decision without consulting you, that says something about your relationship, not the tattoos. So you have to ask yourself whether your level of communication in this relationship is working for you, if the level of sharing and intimacy is lacking -- not just in this regard, but in general. Because I don't see someone doing something like this in isolation of a general attitude about privacy, autonomy, closeness, etc., that encompasses the total relationship. I would not want to be with someone who didn't talk to me beforehand, in the "inception of an idea" stage of such a thing...but then again, I would not be with someone who is inclined to get a Marilyn Manson tattoo (or, even any extensive tattooing; none being ideal for me). That choice says a lot of things about a person, and I wouldn't be with someone like this in the first place. Because I don't think enough would be clicking for ME with someone like that -- we'd be thinking too differently about lots of things even before that choice. It's your fiancee though, so you are obviously deeply involved with her and know her, and have a history with her. So you'll have to put this into the context of your entire relationship. You can't just isolate this one event and wonder why it happened. When I see that on this board, my gut feeling is that they do not know their partner as well as they think. Even after 8 years, you don't seem to be thinking on the same page about what to share and what to think of as "none of your business." So I think you should make sure these foundational things are secure before you marry. Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Well, yeah, it would be nice to the relationship if she talked to you about it before going off to do it. But even so, if she really wanted that design, what can you do? Do you just want a better communication in this sort of things, like a give me a heads up before you do it thing? Then tell her. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 It seems that communication is lacking in this relationship. After 8 years one should be able to discuss such matters and share opinions freely (imo). Good communication is KEY to a successful relationship and if this is going to work, you both need to step up on good clear communication skills. Link to comment
Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 Well I knew she was going to get another tattoo and she already knows my opinions about them so I was expecting something discreet, small and nothing to OTT but to open a txt to find this..... I really don't know what to say. I had no problem with her getting another tattoo it's part of who she is but how can one react to something so drastic as this? What should I do Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 The fact is, there is nothing you can do. It's done. She's already gotten it and short of her lasering it off, it's there for life. So you need to ask yourself can you continue this relationship into marriage and kids (hopefully for the rest of your life) with that tattoo on her back. Does that one singluar (albeit big) tattoo take away EVERYTHING else you two have shared/gone through together in 8 years? Does it make you love her less? Does it make her see less in your eyes as a human being? For what it's worth, my husband hates tattoos on women. He loves tattoos (he himself has 4) but he just doesn't find tattoos on women attractive. When we met I didn't have one and he expressed this opinion. however I had always wanted a certain tattoo but just never had the time or money to get it or even know were I wanted it, I literally sat on this tattoo idea for 6 years. Two of my husband's tattoos are on the upper part of his wrist and he made the comment one day 'I like being able to see them' and it just clicked with me that that's were I wanted my tattoo but on the underside of my wrist. He never tried talking me out of it (although I know he hated it with a passion) and just asked me to sit on the idea so I did for a few months. Still wanted it to so he was very supportive, gave me tips for when and got it. And I did. But I would never get one without running it by him. Too many bad decisions are made on a whim while on a night on the town and I personally would never get a tattoo without at least 6 months of rolling the idea/placement around. So you really need to figure out what about the situation is bothering you before going to her. Is it what the tattoo is of? Were it's at? How big it is? Or the fact she didn't ask your opinion? You need to hone in on that before talking to her. Link to comment
Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 My problem is a combination of all four things you mentioned. I wasn't expecting anything like this, I don't really know what I should say to her because I don't want to upset her or cause a huge argument...... I can't see how during the 9+ hours of getting inked that she didn't think, hmmmmm maybe this is gonna be a bit big. It looks so horrendous I could cry, she has ruined her beautiful body forever The worst part is she sent me the surprise as a sexy photo of her on the bed wearing stockings etc but all I can see is this horrific life size Marilyn Manson head looking at me and its such a turn off Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 If you are going to be honest with you, whatever you say will upset her. The only way not to upset her is for you to fake like you like the tattoo. Remember - it's her right to put anything on her body but it's also your right to have an opinion about it, and it doesn't always have to be positive. My advice is just be honest, maybe start out by asking her why (in a none judgemental, demanding tone) why she got it so big. Link to comment
Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 It's going to be a fun Friday night when I get back from working away and have to confront this Link to comment
CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I'm really not into tattoos at all. Especially on girls. Sometimes if its a nice design and done well they can look good, but still not my thing. My ex had the UGLIEST tattoos ever when we met. I don't even know 6 or 7 scattered around of the stupidest things. I will never forget though the day he came home with a giant flame tiki man? Lol covering his whole calf. It was hideous! I accepted the other ones but this just made me so mad. It was so ugly and he had such nice legs. I felt he ruined his one leg. At first I think I was polite and told him I liked it. Eventually, I would poke fun of it. It wasn't just ugly-it was scary lol Basically it became part of him and I loved him regardless. That is all you can do. It's part of her now. It's not a bad haircut that will change, it's a on her permanently. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Can you imagine having sex with Marilyn Manson staring back at you, damn... you had know idea of her intent to get that? Link to comment
toby17 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I don't want to break up with her, we've been together 8 years... I now have a fiancée with an A4 Marilyn Manson head covering her back, it's horrific! Lol. It's not funny but dude my advice to you changed as soon as I read these two facts. At first I thought, as just a bf, you really can't expect her to consult you much, but 8 years and engaged?!? Ok, my first piece of advice is, for the moment, LIE!!! Tell her something vague. Imply that you like it BUT don't actually say that. Sort of like when you disagree with with someone but you say "you could be right". My second piece of advice is that you don't have to decide what to do right this minute. Next, I think you need to reflect on: 1) the fact that you might be married to that back for the rest of your life; 2) what other important decisions she might make that affect you without consulting you first; 3) whether you two are really on the same (A4) page!!! Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I'd say your partner doesn't take much consideration into what you say about the tattoos. Maybe relying on, if you truly love her it won't matter so she goes and does it anyway. I'm biased in these situations as I'm partial to tattoos. Put your foot down before she goes and get the anchors tattooed on both forearms. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Can you imagine having sex with Marilyn Manson staring back at you, damn..... Um, yeah. Read my mind. Wow. I dunno, a very dark room would be required but that can take some of the fun out of things. So can a tee shirt or something covering that sucker up. I wouldn't advise lying to her. That's not going to help anything and it could even encourage her to do more if you lead her to believe you like it. I think I'd stay with a safe "no comment" until you've had time to figure out how to approach this. It's her body and she can tat it up if she wants but she sure wasn't thinking of you when she did this. Cross your fingers, hope it was just drawn on there and this is a really bad joke. Link to comment
Level7 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 After a sleepless night and a lot of thinking I have decided that maybe it's time to call things off........ I just can't live the next 50 yeah her, me and Manson..... I never thought things could come to this over a tattoo....... I feel so low right now Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 wait Marilyn Manson?!?!?! i thought you ment Marilyn Monroe..i was just thinking hmm it wouldnt be too bad looking at Marilyn Monroe..lol wow...idk...that would kinda creep me out to be honest lol. Link to comment
Snny Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Ok, my first piece of advice is, for the moment, LIE!!! Tell her something vague. Imply that you like it BUT don't actually say that. Sort of like when you disagree with with someone but you say "you could be right". In relationships, women highly value this one need: Openness and Honesty. Once that is broken and she finds out, the relationship is ruined. Her needs will not be met. She will lose faith and trust in her husband/fiance and seek it from another source (another man). The OP needs to work on communication and should not resort to this idea at all. After a sleepless night and a lot of thinking I have decided that maybe it's time to call things off........ I just can't live the next 50 yeah her, me and Manson..... I never thought things could come to this over a tattoo....... I feel so low right now Ah... no. I would not feel low about this at all. The most important relationship needs for men is sexual companionship, and this tattoo is going to affect it. be honest and very clear with her by explain that the issue is partially due to her decision on the tattoo AND the design. It does have to do with your reaction and thoughts on it, but not entirely. The important issue is about her being impulsive and doing stuff without letting you in on it. It's about her lack of communication AND commitment to her engagement to you. You tell her that you cannot picture being with a woman for life who will not consult with you before she does things to or for herself. It speaks a major red flag and you will always be wondering what she will do next because she has now proven to you that she does not consider your thoughts OR feelings on decisions she makes. Her actions alone showed her being extremely inconsiderate. And since this is a permanent thing she has done to herself by choice... you absolutely cannot live with it. For me OP, this would be a major deal breaker. I like Marylin Manson's music and respect him as an artist... but I would not want to see his face in the bedroom with me and my partner. Just... Hell no. Bottom line: Marriage is a partnership. It is built by fully relying on each other through open and willing communication. If she refuses to work with you as a partner, then you really shouldn't marry this person. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I agree with Snny. Just let her know this doesn't entirely have everything to do with her decision to get a tattoo but the fact she got such a massive, unremovable one without consulting you her fiance. Link to comment
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