Boyfriend has commitment issues and stopped initiating contact.What to do ? :(

[Kenyabobbydo]

i've been in a LD relationship with this guy for 6 months.He took my virginity,he was always so charming,funny,etc.He never pressured me for sex and said that he had sex with me because he wanted us to be in a relationship.I've always felt a distance from him.He never really opened up to me much about his family,his life.Ive always been at a distance and he didn't really ever want to know much about me.2 months into our relationship he said he was falling love with me and i told him the same thing.The thing that really turned me off was when We didn't seen eachother for 4 months cause of the distance and when the day finally came and he was in town for a week and stayed with his friend,he only saw me 4 days out of that week and only at night,he'd leave every morning in a rush.I felt like he was afraid to get close to me.And I felt awful.We talked every single day for 4 months and we told eachother how much we miss eachother and how much we want to see eachother and when the say finally came it was as if he didn't care to see me.He kept making excuses that he's exhausted and feels sick.weeks later i bought him an expensive gift and he kept telling i shouldnt have and it feels weird cause we've known eachother for a small amount of time and i told him you mean alot to me.but then he said I dont want to be more important than your friends.when he said that i felt even more awful.he told me that he has commitment issues cause he was cheated on in the past and he comes from a divorced home and he distances himself and that's not good.He said he wants a real relationship with me and keeps telling me that i can find a guy who would give me real love and that he feels like he's wasting my time.Everytime i tell him i love him and how much i miss him and i cry sometimes he never says it back.He once said that he protets his emotions with emotional armor when i told him that i know i have more feelings for you than u have for me.Then the next month i came to visit him.I bought a plane ticket to his neck of the woods.He was happy to see me,I stayed at his place.we spent the whole week together, everyday for a week, 24/7.I felt like I saw a different side of him he would cuddle me and kiss me on the forehead all the time,hold my hand and look at me in a loving way.We didn't even have much sex,we were actually getting emotionally close.I think this was tooooo much closeness for him.We've never been this close.I met all his friends they all knew about me beforehand cause he would always tell them about me.ANd one of his friends privately told me that my bf loves me and it was hard for me to believe.....After I left back to my hometown somethign seemed off.He stopped initiating contact with me.He only responded to me when I would text him and wouldn't have long convos with me. and when i'd text him that i love and miss him he'd ignore.But he keeps liking my pictures and posts on facebook.idk what this means?Idk what i did wrong?is he really a commitment phobe?It's been 2 weeks and i've been the only one initiating contact.Also I realized when I text with him in a cold aloof way he wants to talk but when i get emotional he stops the convo.Should I just stop initiating and wait for him?i'm scared if i stop initiating he'll lose interest and leave just keep wanting to prove to him that i love him and i wont hurt him,even though he hasn't proved that he loves and cares for me

[chitown9]

and keeps telling me that i can find a guy who would give me real love and that he feels like he's wasting my time.

 

You need to believe his words. Commitment phobes love long distance relationships. That was your first red flag. This is a hopeless situation for you. Get the book: "Men Who Can't Love" by Steven Carter. You just need to cut your looses and move on sweetie...

[abitbroken]

.he told me that he has commitment issues cause he was cheated on in the past and he comes from a divorced home and he distances himself and that's not good.

 

If someone says they have commitment issues, take their word for it. He runs from you when you get emotional or express your love. He also lives far away and probably likes that. He can keep you physically at arm's length, too. He sometimes likes to hug and kiss you - but he keeps telling you with words and actions that he is not capable of a commitment and does not want one. Are you going to listen now, or listen in a few years when you are upset when he doesn't marry you or won't move near you because he told you he had commitment issues in the first place?

[Kenyabobbydo]

But it's so hard to move on I have getting physically sick because of all of this.Him not initiating contact is making me go insane

[abitbroken]

But it's so hard to move on I have getting physically sick because of all of this.Him not initiating contact is making me go insane

 

I know it makes you crazy. But as soon as you stop worrying about it and stop contacting him and getting away from this you will be sad for a bit but then you will feel very much back to normal. You will wonder what you were thinking. You are accepting every breadcrumb he gives because you think he is the only one out there and that you aren't good enough yet and that is why he doesn't return your feelings.

[Ms Darcy]

Better to walk away from 6 months than 6 years.

[Heather Dawn]

This doesn't sound like any sort of relationship at all. Don't you want someone who can't wait to talk to you? Who wants to spend time with you? Who doesn't try to talk you out of loving him?