Got this text gem from my ex gf

[twodegrees]

So my ex gf broke up with me 2.5 months ago. She got into another relationship 2 weeks later. We have been very LC since then with the occational text and run-ins and such. Over the past month I have been VERY nonchalant in our conversations.

 

I have been dating this other woman for about 4 weeks. She knows that I am not completely healed from my previous relationship and she is ok with that. We are taking it slow. The girl I am dating has a big event in another city (accross the country) and I will be her date. My ex gf's best friend found out about this and that same night I got this text bomb from my ex gf.

 

"I am glad that we met. I do not have any regrets about our relationship. I think we were together for multiple reasons, if only for a season. I am so very thankful for that. I just wanted you to know this. I hope you have a good night. You are probably sleepin

 

After a day I responded,

 

"Yeah...we had a good relationship, no regrets. Reflect, learn, and move forward."

 

Why would she send this text? At first I seems like another rejection, but other women I respect think it's her trying to keep the door open. Also, through being nonchalant, I see no reason to try and reject me again.

 

Thought?

[annie24]

my guess is that she's been reflecting on the past again. maybe when she found out you were going to be this new woman's date at a major event, it hit her that you have moved on and it's really over. maybe her ego is bruised a little that you are not pining over her...? i'm guessing she's trying to find closure. anyway, you had a good response to her. now keep looking forward!

[offplanet]

I like your response.

[lavenderdove]

It's a goodbye text. She's moving on, and she's heard that you are moving on as well. People can have fond feelings about exes, even if they don't want to be in a romantic relationship with them anymore. I agree with Annie, it is a 'closure' kind of email where she's acknowledging you are both letting go and moving on, and she is trying to finish up on a positive note.

[sharky988]

I agree with everyone above -- nice reply. Also I think her motives are mixed -- partly moving on, partly also a bit of bruised ego, and partly a bit of keeping the door open.

 

IMO, when someone's really 100% moved on, they don't need to send texts like that. It seems like a bit of a "reminder" to me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with everyone above -- nice reply. Also I think her motives are mixed -- partly moving on, partly also a bit of bruised ego, and partly a bit of keeping the door open.

 

IMO, when someone's really 100% moved on, they don't need to send texts like that. It seems like a bit of a "reminder" to me.

 

Exactly..and after only 2.5 months broken up, it is clear neither of you have moved on and I feel rather sorry for the person she is dating and you are dating because jumping into dating a month after a break up is not long enough to be over the ex...which clearly you are not and neither is your ex.

[winniethepooh]

So my ex gf broke up with me 2.5 months ago. She got into another relationship 2 weeks later. We have been very LC since then with the occational text and run-ins and such.

Why aren't you NC? Do you want to get back together? Try and make her burn?

 

Over the past month I have been VERY nonchalant in our conversations.

Why are you pointing out your nonchalance?

 

I have been dating this other woman for about 4 weeks. She knows that I am not completely healed from my previous relationship and she is ok with that. We are taking it slow.

Lucky you. Are you using her?

 

The girl I am dating has a big event in another city (accross the country) and I will be her date. My ex gf's best friend found out about this and that same night I got this text bomb from my ex gf.

Interesting coincidence. Do you believe in coincidences?

 

"I am glad that we met. I do not have any regrets about our relationship. I think we were together for multiple reasons, if only for a season. I am so very thankful for that. I just wanted you to know this. I hope you have a good night. You are probably sleepin

Difficult to read anything into that. How you and her disconnected in the first place has a bearing on this message I think.

 

On the face of it, it's a news report. There are no questions, and no expression of a desire for any sort of reconnection. So if you're the dumpee, it was clear to her that you didn't want to be dumped, and you're not healed, there's nothing to respond to. Especially if you want to show some respect and loyalty to your new girlfriend.

 

If you're healed, then there's perhaps an opportunity to reconnect as friends.

 

She might be fishing to see if you want to reconnect as friends.

She might be fishing to see if you want to consider trying again.

She might just be reacting to the news of your new girlfriend, and it's some sort of emotional splutter.

She might have regretted sending it as soon as she did.

 

You don't know if she still has a new boyfriend.

 

To many variables, all of them unknown.

 

After a day I responded,

 

"Yeah...we had a good relationship, no regrets. Reflect, learn, and move forward."

Good response on the face of it. Certainly if you're determined to move on without her, it seems appropriate and respectful.

 

Why would she send this text?

Don't know. Only she knows (and anyone she told why).

 

At first I seems like another rejection,

Another rejection of what?

 

but other women I respect think it's her trying to keep the door open.

It's possible, but they don't know either, unless they can read her mind, or she told them. Anyway, "keep" the door open? Was it open before this message was sent?

 

Also, through being nonchalant, I see no reason to try and reject me again.

Reject you again? I don't know, it's not clear.

 

Thought?

Why do you care?

[regular joe]

She might be fishing to see if you want to reconnect as friends.

She might be fishing to see if you want to consider trying again.

She might just be reacting to the news of your new girlfriend, and it's some sort of emotional splutter.

She might have regretted sending it as soon as she did.

 

 

I agree with this. She might just be testing to see how you react. Nice reply to it. Put on behind you and go on with the new relationship.

[catfeeder]

Sounds as though ex is learning, as most people do, that breaking clean is actually better and more of an aid in healing than trying to keep a tentacle or two wrapped around an ex.

 

The text may be her way of letting you know that just because she may go dark, that's not a sign of hostility--just a need to move forward.

[MapleCanuck]

Great response and mean it now. There is always lingering pain after a breakup, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong thing. No contact is a remedy, not a plan to get an ex back.

 

Time does heal and this girl will fade into your past. If you come back around, you'll set yourself back and start the pain process all over again.

[twodegrees]

Wow...thanks for the responses. Some of my fav mods and posters have responded! Sharky should be a mod...no one knows the dumper/ee mindset better than her.

 

Anyways, I will try to answer some of the questions and confusion pointed out in the reponses

 

1. Am I using the girl I am dating now? Only time will tell. I know I like her and have been completely honest with her about my ex and how I feel.

 

2. Do I want to reconcile with my ex? Yes. but not right now. She needs to date other men (incl. this current guy) so she can really see if I am the one. I want to see how I feel a few months from now, if I still want to reconcile, I will try.

 

3. Is she still in a relationship? yes, I know she was happy with him a month ago...have no idea now.

 

4. Why am I not NC? I had some weak moments and sent some texts. They were all positive with no needy/clingy feelings in them. Especially in the past month. She responded to all of them and I ended the convos...I guess I had trouble going cold turkey NC.

 

 

How do you think she interpreted the response to her? I wanted to signify strength and that I am trying to move on, which I am. I wanted a response where:

 

1. If she wanted to just say bye? The response would keep my dignity and respect for myself

 

2. If she was wanting to see if the door was open? The response would show strength and that I was moving on. If she really wants me, she would have to work harder than that.

[catfeeder]

How do you think she interpreted the response to her?

 

One of the biggest and most liberating signs of maturity is the ability to operate as you see fit, without turning mind pretzels to anticipate how others will interpret you or your behavior.

 

When you operate on a specific intent, your own clarity is all that's required. How anyone else interprets your message is not your job to figure out. If someone misunderstands you and takes offense, it's up to them to let you know. In absence of objections, assume that your intentions are clear--and walk forward.

 

Head high.

[annie24]

IMHO, since she is the dumper, it is her job, if she wants to get back together with you to make the conditions right. It's not your job to send the right text. Know what I mean? I think your text was fine. I mean, it was classy and you didn't say, "F off you slag bucket!" So if she wants to get back together, she knows how to find you. You just need to focus on moving on.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Am I using the girl I am dating now? Only time will tell. I know I like her and have been completely honest with her about my ex and how I feel.

 

Of course you are using her...you don't need time to tell you that. Lots of people are lonely and desperate for a relationship which is why they are willing to take the scraps of someone fresh out of a relationship and still hoping to one day get back with the ex. The woman you are dating is desperate...she wants a man and she would rather have full physical presence even though emotionally you are maybe only 1/4 with her and 3/4 still with your ex. Just because you were "honest" doesn't mean you are no longer responsible....look at my signature courtesy of Catfeeder. It is very fitting. You are not over your ex..would still love to have her back one day and as long as you still hope to be back with your ex one day, you are really in no position to be dating someone else. You are simply biding your time until your ex changes her mind. If your ex came back today and said she wanted to make a go of it, I suspect you would drop your current lady friend like a hot potato. She is your rebound and that is what typically happens with rebounds.

[Aurelius44]

I think the motives are mixed as the previous poster said. She wants you to remember her as a positive. Women don't like it when men forget about them, even if the woman doesn't want to get back w/ said guy. They all have this idea we're sitting at home listening to Air Supply and thinking about them instead of out there moving on with our lives and dating other women.

 

If she wanted to get back, you'll see more texts. It's a good sign she's viewing your relationship as a positive, though she is writing this off to being a "season."

 

"You're probably sleeping"--instead of out banging your new girl? LOL!

[twodegrees]

I think the motives are mixed as the previous poster said. She wants you to remember her as a positive. Women don't like it when men forget about them, even if the woman doesn't want to get back w/ said guy. They all have this idea we're sitting at home listening to Air Supply and thinking about them instead of out there moving on with our lives and dating other women.

 

If she wanted to get back, you'll see more texts. It's a good sign she's viewing your relationship as a positive, though she is writing this off to being a "season."

 

"You're probably sleeping"--instead of out banging your new girl? LOL!

 

 

Yep, definitely mixed messages in that text. This is what happens when your the dumpee and the dumper sends a text like this. Your mind starts twisting the message to death. I will be in NC and her intent will come out. If I hear nothing else from her...I have my answer. If she starts fishing more...I might have my answer lol. As some have pointed out, she is the dumper so its up to her to press. This text kinda set me back but I can already feel my pain fading again.

[loveology]

I think you need to ditch your current girlfriend considering you are most certainly using her. You may have been "honest" but it's not her job to determine whether or not you should be in another relationship right now - that's YOUR job. And the fact that you are still holding out hope of getting back together with your ex means that you are NOT ready for a relationship right now in anyway. Don't do this to her - let her go and focus on your healing.

 

As far as the text goes, it sounds to me like your ex probably thought that you were moving and felt the need to make a re-appearance so as not to be forgotten. The fact that it was more of a "goodbye" text, however, tells me that she still doesn't want to get back together.