Dating & pick up tips for men… by women!

[Allyo]

I have noticed a phenomena recently that is so troubling… well, I just have to write about it!

 

What is with single men talking about all the “hot” women they are dating and how so many women want them. I have noticed this trend with men who are usually average to below average looking – and trying to get with me. Some are indeed very charming with great personalities, but do they not realize that this pick-up-artist mentality is getting them nowhere with quality women?

 

No women interested in you, dating you, or even having sex with you wants to hear you brag about how many women want you and/or how many women you can get with. This is in fact a turn off.

 

Yes, there is a fine line between cocky and confident. Most of you are bordering on cocky, not confident. Cocky in my mind translates to overcompensation - or I assume that you were badly burned in the past and are now making up for it.

 

Yes, just like every man knows the “play-hard-to-get” secrets of women – we women now know the tricks of the pick-up artist trade. It is obvious. If I get “negged” in a club or bar one more time, I am going to puke! No, I don’t feel the need to validate myself to you after I get negged - in fact I feel the need to get as far away from you as physically possible.

 

Newsflash – I like nice men! This whole bad boy/alpha male theory of female attraction...? I think it works on like 16 year olds, I mean if that is what you are into… but I like men who are genuine, who compliment me when they are sincere about it, IE: not trying to achieve some ulterior motive. Genuineness and playfulness will get you a long way, much longer than any of the pick-up artist tricks.

 

So women out there – this is your opportunity… give some advice to men and share your stories !

[DN]

I have noticed this trend with men who are usually average to below average looking – and trying to get with me

You seem to think quite highly of yourself.

[Allyo]

You seem to think quite highly of yourself.

 

Well, maybe this is my problem... hehehe...

[DN]

Well, maybe this is my problem... hehehe...

Could be. Maybe get to know people before judging them only on looks.

[Allyo]

Could be. Maybe get to know people before judging them only on looks.

 

Great point! But I guess it isn't the point that I wanted to get at with this thread... I guess what I meant is that they are often charming or have good personalities, and I would consider dating them - but their actions turn me off so quickly!

[leftme]

You could say every guy who comes up to you in a club and makes conversation with you, regardless of what they say or how they look, has an alternative motive.

[PaintWithLight]

Well, maybe this is my problem... hehehe...

 

You touched on this same ground a year ago.

 

Try dating older. Guys from 21 - 28 are still finding themselves and they will most often have a difficult time impressing a woman looking for a mature outlook. Or is this issue that how dare these average and below average guys approach you?

 

I understand your thread and it would be good to share tips for guys to learn from. But it seems that it is doubly disappointing for you when you have these dive booming flirtation schemes from guys that you feel should realize they are aiming above their class. In that case, some guys have the mentality that gorgeous women were put on earth solely for their own pleasure and gratification. They are fearless of rejection because they truly feel they are entitled to the hottest woman in the room.

[Ms Darcy]

I hear you. I was surprised one guy was interested in me because he kept talking about all the women he was seeing.

[Jamesonn]

Haha I don't buy it for a second. Sorry, but "negging" is a form of flirting. If I go up to a girl at a bar and say "you're really beautiful" she'll most likely roll her eyes at me and walk away. Yet if I go up to her and say "you're really beautiful" *pause* and then smirk and say "just kidding" I get a completely different reaction that's usually something like "Hey! that's not funny! What's your name"

 

I'm not saying every girl reacts the same way, but I see no problem with flirting or pushing their buttons a bit. If I'm laughing and she's laughing then I don't see a problem.

 

If anything the nice guys are the manipulative ones. They'll shower a woman in gifts and compliments in the hopes that she'll sleep with him, whereas at least the confident man will make his intentions known pretty quickly and the girl can decide whether or not she's into him or not. Yes, I am implying that I believe there is a link between self-confidence and being the "nice guy"

 

also I'd add that bragging about women a guys been with is obviously unattractive because it's trying to "prove" something by it's very nature. However, having girls after a guy IS an attractive quality because it shows other women that the guy is pursuable and attractive.

[lalalollipops]

If sb said that ^ I'd still roll my eyes and think you're immature.

You can be playful without going ' you're really cute/beautiful/ hot, just kidding'

 

That's weak and lame.

 

I respond best to a guy who walks up to be with a confident walk, reassuring smile, great posture and who just says 'Hey, your smile's pretty damn cute. I couldn't help noticing Wanna grab a coffee? I'm Tom btw'

Done.

 

It would work on me if the guy says it confidently with a smile.

[GirlontheLam]

I'l be quite honest, the guys that lead with their income, how much stuff they can afford, etc....end up sounding insincere and get immediately dissed. This happens to me more often than I can imagine.

 

Come up, say hi, engage in a genuine conversation and you just might be surprised at how successful you are.

[lalalollipops]

Yeah it definitely ain't rocket science, we all just want to feel like you're seeing us as people, not pieces of meat.

[happpybear]

any guy that mentions my looks in a any way (whether sincere or not) in the first meeting immediately sets off my red flag radar. The reason is because i am attractive and my whole life, i have had men trying to be with me because of my looks. It is frustrating and disappointing and has gotten to the point were i always question wether a guy is interested in me for me or because he is looking for arm-candy.

 

The men who come up and start a convo, a genuine convo where they actually want to get to know me genuinely, and don't feel the need to look me up and down, stare at my a$$ or tell me which celebrity i look like always impress me.

 

Also, i assume when a guy starts talking about hot woman who want to date him, or allude to 'other girls' in any way are automatically rejecting me. I realize this could be a game also, but i don't play that game, and so i assume they are uninterested and are rebuffing me gently and i move on. It really does nothing to make me jealous or want them more. But then i am older, so maybe when i was 22 and naive, it would have worked.

[Slimpee]

I think the big difference is age. In my early and mid-20s I was more interested in the PUA stuff. I never really did much of it because A. I kinda have that personality already and B. I can't keep up a facade for very long. Now that i'm almost 30, all of that stuff seems pretty juvenile. Granted, being a bit playful and fun can be great, but it has to be natural.

 

I think PUA stuff is popular w/ guys, and works on women who are in their early 20s, because we don't really know who we are as individuals yet and as a result we're not comfortable being ourselves. Additionally, people in their earlier 20s may not be looking for serious relationships. As I look at my friends who are all in serious relationships/married, they all met and fell in love while doing the traditional dating thing. No games, no "sets", etc...

[LoveSoDeep]

You seem to think quite highly of yourself.

 

I see your point DN but don't discount everything this girls says b/c *gasp* she happens to have a little self esteem!

 

It's okay to be attractive it's okay to think you are attractive....in this case she wasn't judging them by their looks and saying she had already dismissed them because they were a 5 and she is a 9...she was just pointing out that guys in this category seem to act a certain way....and I agree with her.

 

Let me quantify this for you numbers people....remember that horrible old website hotornot? Back int he day I tried it b/c the idea was interesting...you get a bunch of strangers to tell you exatly what they think you are on a 10 point scale...interesting....by no means highly scientific or relaiable but I think you do get a good idea...I was routinely a high 8...so when I say I'm a cute girl I think that's warrented...I'm not a 10...I know that....and I feel like women who are above average (in the 7-9 range) have a different experience. For example I cannot tell you how many times guys assume I already have a bf.

 

So here's my hint guys if there's no ring go ahead and start up a conversation if the girl is taken she will most like mention her SO within 5 minutes if for no other reaason then to get rid of you.

[DN]

Self-esteem is great, all for it, promote it with the kids with whom I work. But it needs to be accompanied by a dollop of humility.