Why hasn't he called?

[RGS]

So I'd been messaging a guy online for a few weeks, really long chatty messages and was getting bored of just messaging so I suggested meeting up. He agreed and we met up last Sunday. We were meant to just meet for coffee which we did but he'd also booked for us to go to this outdoor skate rink. We got along grat and I felt there was a real spark there, he occasionally touched my arm etc, lots of eye contact. He seemed keen. After the Ice skating he asked if I wanted another drink so we went for another drink, then he asked if I wanted to get good so we went for food. He insisted on paying for everything even though I suspect he's not really well off. Even though he's not the biggest looker I felt there was some real chemistry there.

 

When I got home I texted him saying I had a really lovely day and it was good to meet him. He replied saying "it was great to meet you too" then something about his train. We sent a couple of jokey texts and I replied to one about somewhere I'd been in Ireland that we spoke about. He didnt reply. This was last Sunday.

 

It got to Tuesday and i hadnt heard from him so I text to ask how his week was and how his portfolio was going as I knew he had a job interview yesterday. He sent a reply saying he was just doing it then and asking how my week was going? I replied saying its good and I've got to do an application myself this week. I then said to let me know how he gets on.

 

I haven't heard a thing since. I've been on a lot if dates in my time and I thought I was quite good at judging how they went so I really don't understand this situation. Do you think he's just shy or is he just not that into me?

 

Should I contact him again or just leave it?! We had so much in common and I felt there was really chemistry there so it's driving me nuts!! Thanks for any advice

[oldenoughtoknow]

I would wait a few more days. For most shy guys, getting and going on the first date is by far the biggest hurdle. So yeah, he may be looking for a bit more reassurance (or, he may not). If there's still no contact after a few days, I would send him one more check in, just to be sure. Hopefully he'll contact you first. Either way, I wouldn't suggest a date again - it's his turn.

[Ms Darcy]

He wasn't that interested after meeting you. No worries ... just move on.

[MJWasHere]

It sounds like he's not that interested. Dont beat yourself up over why - who the hell knows, could be hundres of different reasons.

 

If you just dont want to let it go, the ONLY thing I would recommend is sending him a msg like "Hey I had a great time the other day, and if you ever want to hang out again I'd be down with that. Have a nice day". Then do not contact him again. That is showing 100% clear interest and putting the ball in his court. The fact he hasnt initiated a text to you since the date though, makes me think he's not that interested

[amipushy]

When I got home I texted him saying I had a really lovely day and it was good to meet him.

 

In my experience doing this after a date is the Kiss of Death.

 

If he was interested in seeing you again he would have contacted you and arranged another date. I fear he was replying to your text just to be polite cos he is a nice guy.

[RGS]

Ms darcy I would normally agree but he kept prolonging the date which I don't understand. If he wasn't keen why didnt he just go home after the ice skating or drink, why then suggest dinner. Plus he was asking me lots of personal questions like what my surname was, what tupe of wedding if have etc etc, he didnt seem like a player type so why bother with those things if he wasn't interested?

[amipushy]

Ms darcy I would normally agree but he kept prolonging the date which I don't understand. If he wasn't keen why didnt he just go home after the ice skating or drink, why then suggest dinner. Plus he was asking me lots of personal questions like what my surname was, what tupe of wedding if have etc etc, he didnt seem like a player type so why bother with those things if he wasn't interested?

 

I've had lots of dates where we get on really really well, had such a laugh, spent hours talking over a meal etc, etc but there is something missing.

 

Its nobodys fault- its not about you or anything you have done wrong- its just the way it is. Shrug it off and move on.

[MJWasHere]

In my experience doing this after a date is the Kiss of Death.

 

If he was interested in seeing you again he would have contacted you and arranged another date. I fear he was replying to your text just to be polite cos he is a nice guy.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree with this. I think its basic manners. Its always better of course when the guy beats you to it. But my BF now I sent him a "had a great time" text when I got home from our first date, and it obviously wasnt the kiss of death. I think it shows the man a basic level of interest and appreciation, and nothing more.

[Ms Darcy]

Ms darcy I would normally agree but he kept prolonging the date which I don't understand. If he wasn't keen why didnt he just go home after the ice skating or drink, why then suggest dinner. Plus he was asking me lots of personal questions like what my surname was, what tupe of wedding if have etc etc, he didnt seem like a player type so why bother with those things if he wasn't interested?

 

I'm with Amipushy. It's called the 'one date wonder.' Seems great but it goes nowhere. Usually, the person decides to really enjoy the moment but there is something that is turning them off from further dates.

[RGS]

I wholeheartedly disagree with this. I think its basic manners. Its always better of course when the guy beats you to it. But my BF now I sent him a "had a great time" text when I got home from our first date, and it obviously wasnt the kiss of death. I think it shows the man a basic level of interest and appreciation, and nothing more.

 

I agree every date I go on I send a polite text as its just common courtesy especially if they've paid. My last bf I sent the same text and we went out for over a year.

 

That said yes it is better if they beat you to it.

 

Anyway thanks for all the comments guys, I thought I had pretty good intuition at this dating thing but there's a first for everything right?

[RGS]

Well I just texted him so guess ill find out the deal soon enough. I can't be bothered with waiting round playing silly games these seems silly!!

 

I think it's doubtful he'll reply with anything positive but ill keep you posted! I just flat out asked him if he'd like to meet up again at some point.. At least ill know for sure one way or the other!!

[Ms Darcy]

It is not really playing games for a guy not to call after the first date. It is called lack of interest.

[RGS]

I wasn't talking about him playing games, I was talking about if I had waited to text him X amount of time that would be playing games. It doesn't really matter either way does it.

 

I don't think it's lack of interst I think there's something else going on. I reread the texts he sent after we met and they're definitely flirty/jokey. Why bother with those if no interst. When the shoe's been on the other foot in the past I've just flat out told the guy I'm not interested.

 

I have been on about 50 or 60 dates in my time and have always been spot on about how interested they were, I don't think my dating radar is that off.

[Lambert]

I am reading this thread and I can relate.... I have been dating A LOT lately-- doing the on line thing. And it's funny because there really doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason. Some of the men have texted me after the date saying they had a great time and want to get together again and NOTHING came of it. And I have texted some of the men and still NOTHING came of it. So go figure.

 

For what it's worth-- I think when it works, it just works. There's nothing you could or couldn't've done. Text him again one more time or not.... it doesn't matter. If he is interested, he will contact you. That's the one thing I am sure of. Sure, it might have seemed like there was interest...

 

I was on a four hour lunch date! We ate and then just sat there and talked for four hours! Finally, I had dinner plans so I had to go. I have no idea if I will go out with the guy again or what.... granted, it was only yesterday but I told my gf, after four hours of talking, if he doesn't call me-- then I am glad. If someone will sit and talk to me for 4 hours to only kill time and not be interested, then I don't want them calling me.....

[Ms Darcy]

Why are you so invested in thinking a man who is not calling you is interested in you?

[Lostndazed]

I can tell you now that he is not worth it. Don't even text him or call him again.

I hated when guys do the disappearing act even tho I thought there were some sparks or potential for more. Truth is, you might not have imagined everything you just explained but most single young guys just want to test the water here and there so yea they will try to make the most of the moment. Go on a date with u a few times and then never call or text to follow up on the next outing even tho they mentioned it.... When I was dating I just felt like it was 'out of sight, out of mind' thing for 95% of the guys i dated and it frustrated me that they would have the audacity to call/text/email me later on after time had passed like they did nothing wrong- like I was an 'option' ... Don't get your hopes up. If they really care and want you, he would have already talked and planned with you on the next date already.

[RGS]

Thanks lostandazed so he replied.. He said the following:

 

Hi, interview went quite well I think. Will hear next week if they want me back for 2nd interview. Just some photo editing, bit of exercise today and meeting a friend for dinner later, another kids photoshoot tomorrow, keeping busy! Have a lovely time up in York, markets should be beautiful up there I'd imagine. Yeah I'm up for meeting again sometime. Although I'm not entirely sure when I can this side of Xmas, I'm away for pretty much all of December!? 😏x

 

I know he's going on Holliday next Saturday and he lives in Ireland so is flying back there after for Christmas so I don't think he's making it up but yeh he first found overly keen does he!

 

I just replied saying "hey yeh now worries december's always tricky. Hope the second interview goes well. Give me a shout when you're free x"

 

Now I'm going to just forget him as let's face it the likelihood if him getting in touch in January is what 30%?

[RGS]

First found..? That should say "doesn't sound overly keen" lol

[Ms Darcy]

It's odd that he has time for dinner for a friend but no time for you until (potentially) a month later. Do you really think this guy is interested?

[RGS]

Think he's keeping his options open! It's just annoying he wasn't more straight with me as I gave him a complete get out clause. In my text I said "it would be great to meet up again sometime if your free? But not worries if not" So yeh I agree ms darcy he's not that keen (although i should also comment he does live 50 miles away so it's not like he can easily just pop by one weekday evening) . So even more reason to keep his options open. Anyways going to forget him now, not worth my time, just wish he could've been straight with me.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah, totally not worth your time.