Can leopards change thier spots?

[GATGIRL]

Seven years ago, I fell in love with a co-worker. Bad Idea, I know and after just 6 months or so, it ended in an ugly way. At least for me. He had told me all along that he wasn't looking for a realtionshipand it was bad timing. We were both just out of college in one of those crap jobs that we desperately try to get out of... he was right but I didn't listen and got hurt real bad.

Eventually I get the point. When he starts dating another co-worker. So I moved away, moved back, time passed. I forgave him and myself.

But then 8 months ago I met another guy. I had one of the best first dates ever. Was it time to get my hopes up again? Well I guess not. He told me that he felt that relationships had become less important to him and he wanted his freedom. I stopped sleeping with him, but have remained in contact, and sadly I still carried that torch for several months in the secret hope that he'd change his mind. It reminded me of how much self-respect it cost me when this happened 7 years ago.

When 2 weeks ago, who did I run into but t he guy I had thought was so important so long ago. We spoke breifly, exchanged business cards and I figured it was just the emotional kick in the butt I needed to get rid of the latest commitment-phobic peter pan.

I never expected him to actually call me. I never expected him to apologize for mis-treating me so long ago.

I'm not sure where it's heading, but we hung out for hours and I think we really have a shot at being friends this time, first and maybe even see if that spark is still there.

So on the question(s)... Should I ask him what his intentions are?

I'm so terrified of making a fool out of myself by chasing another guy. But so many people wil tell you not to ask pointed questions because it's too intimidating when dealing with a new relationship... But what if it's the same guy from years ago?

Should I give him another chance? Or should I just take this as an opportunity to learn from past mistakes?

[sonjam]

I believe that when you are young you sometimes don't think before you act, and you are reckless with other peoples hearts. I for one have a few debts to pay to people who's hearts I broke and will be eternally sorry for it.

 

When you are older it is however, harder to change your behaviour, as it is instated in you, it is who you are.

 

I would suggest not to ask these direct questions yet, as it is early in your (new) relationship, you are older now too, and will see from the way he treats you, if he changed or not. Asking now, would be to jump right in , before the water cools down. (not a good idea, as you might get burnt again).

 

But why not just keep this relationship going, cautiously, i might add, and see where it is heading? you might even find, that there is no spark anymore and just friendship. No use losing a friendship over things that happened years ago?

[GATGIRL]

Thanks, Sonjam.

I've always been a very proactive, shoot from the hipand take no prisoners kind of person.

That's usually a good lesson in what not to do in matters of the heart.

Anyone have any good advice on how to be patient and let things work out on theier own when all you really want to do is pick up the phone and call?

[sonjam]

 

do exercises, until you are too tired to worry about calling.....

 

I dunno, it must be the MOST DIFFICULT thing to do in the world!

 

Good luck