I want your opinions on what went wrong

[Cherokee_Boy]

I met this woman online two weeks ago. She had just signed up on the dating web site the day before (her first time on a online date site), and I was the first person she had chatted with. We chatted for over 2 hours online, and it went great.

 

I called her the next day and we talked for a good hour. We both had so much in common with our lifestyles, family, friends, etc. We talked again on the phone 2 days later and met in person for coffee during the week. We hit it off perfectly, the flirting was great, constant eye contact between the both of us, we laughed, and had an amazing conversation.

 

I have never had that much of a spark before. After the date we made plans to see a movie, and both of us where excited that it worked out so well. She emailed me the next morning saying that I made her feel comfortable, and she really looked forward to seeing me again.

 

We talked on the phone the next two days in a row, and where both looking forward to seeing each other again, and the movie that weekend. We finalized plans on a Friday, and everything seemed great during our phone chat.

 

I got a email from her that Friday evening saying that she had to cancel the date due to an unexpected work function. She asked if we could reschedual, and for me to let her know what day during the coming week worked best for me. I tried calling her the next day, but couldn't get through, so I sent an email. Basiaclly after that I didn't hear from her. I called her cell phone the next day, but someone hung up on me.

 

I decided to send an email and just basically ask if she was still interested in getting together, and if everything was ok. I got a reply the next day saying that she thought I was a really great guy, and that she met someone else and was spending alot of time together with him. I don't think this is true though, since it had only been 2 day since we had talked, and 3 days since we had been together. Most people don't meet someone and start spending hours and hours together when you've only been on a dating web site for 1 week

 

 

cut to the chase---

 

she mentioned when we first talked on the phone that she was previously engaged, and her ex had cheated on her, but that was all over, and was a while ago. She also said that her parents where very unhappy with that situation, because when she was still engaged to the guy even though she knew he was cheating on her for over 7 months, but she still loved him, and allowed him to date this other woman. Her friends and parents kept telling her to dump him, until she finally got the sense to do so one day. She said her mom was a little controlling, and her sister really looked out for her. She also told me when we meet her friends and parents not to mention that we met online, due to the stigma attached with it, so she said (I never got a chance for any of this)

 

During the date, and phone conversation she made plans that we would go to her favourite restaurant for dinner some time, go golfing, and hang out at her place. It's as if she knew before hand that things would work out. I found this very strage since we hadn't even been on a first date and she was saying this stuff. She also gave me her cell number and not her home phone number, even after our first date. She also didn't want me to come to her parents house to pick her up for the movie date, but would come pick me up instead. This woman is 28 years old, and by the sounds if it didn't want her mom and dad to know that she was seeing a guy.

 

Right now I'm totally confused, we hit off so great, and there looked like there could be a future, or at least more dates. I'm at a loss on what happened. Her email was a lie, and know that she is not seeing anyone. I just wished I would have got a second chance to see her, and talk to her again, and maybe I could have reasured her that she should listen to her heart, and not what her parents and sister say. I'm a great guy, and thought I finally found great woman

[Day_Walker]

I dont really believe that you can with 100% certainty that her email was a lie. Think about it, she just joined a dating sight and she probably had other guys besides you who contacted her. It is possible that she met up with a guy after she met up with ur or that she met up with more than one guy. The bottom line is that she lied to you, whether her email was a lie or when she told you that she had a "work" function. She is just interested in another guy there is nothing you can do but move on.

[chai714]

Honesty plays a big part in building any successful relationship. When you're dealing with someone who is dishonest from the get-go, it's very hard to establish any deeper feelings for each other . .especially on her end. She has low self-esteem, and is a dishonest person. Her actions prove that she's no longer interested in you for whatever reason. Although you really like this girl, the feelings are no longer being reciprocated by her. Also, you need to be aware that when you're in the dating world, all is fair, which means that she could be dating 6 other guys at the same time she's dating you. Simply put, there are no committments in the world of dating. Don't put yourself out there too soon next time . . and realize that there is power in numbers when it comes to the world of dating - the more rocks you uncover, the more likely you are to find a treasure.

[Scout]

I second Day_Walker's advice. She probably did meet someone else. You met her on a dating site!

 

That being said, it's pretty callous of her to drop you like that. So move on, and please understand that her behavior was not representative of women everywhere.

[RayKay]

Well, since she just signed up online the day before, I would venture a guess she may have got lots of immediate attention (that happens) and has seen that she can have some fun before rushing into anything.

 

It is very very easy with online dating to get trapped into the "let me see what else is better out there" - I have met a few people/players who are like that (both men and women) and they can date someone new every week if they wanted. It is much easier to get dates for people online (those who are no longer in university/college) than in real life...and she may have realized she is not ready to rush anything, not with all the attention. I know a few times there have been guys that wanted more almost right off bat (like trying to catch me before I got away) and I just was not interested yet in rushing it and even after saying so, they still behaved as they wanted more, so I had to be a little weird about it. Maybe she felt rushed too soon.

 

Because of how overwhelming it can be, I limit the guys I date to about 2 or 3 at a time very casually - they all know of each other as I am honest, and all get a chance to become on a much smaller shortlist if it goes well - as in one person. I have had a couple long term relationships through online sites. Some people though just are serial daters!

 

Some good advice is to take it one date at a time - don't rush it, or try to set up next dates before that one is even over. Show some independence and aloofness!

[Cherokee_Boy]

Thanks all, ya online dating isn't for everyone. I just want to find someone, and date, and not have to compete with half a dozen other guys. It seems women always fall for the guy with a nice car, and thats good at BSing. I just be myself, and am totally hounest, and it just doesn't seem to get me anywheres. I am confident, and well spoken so I know thats not my problem. Oh and my car is only 3 years old, so that can't be the problem either

 

Your right maybe she did meet a guy in the two days after our date, but she still acted like she was super interested, and couldn't wait until our next date, plus she asked if we could reschedual the movie, and asked in her email as to what evening I had free. I would have rather been told by her after the first date, that she was looking for a different type of guy, so I didn't get my hopes all up. I just wish she would have been more hounest.

 

One last note. She only had her dating profile up on the web site for a week. So it leads me to believe that she wasn't ready to date yet. I don't think she would have found a guy in the 6 days that she had it posted, fall in love, get really close with him, and take her profile down, sounds strange to me.

[phantom_]

actually when you think about it, she could have lead you on much longer and taken advantage of you. even if its really (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR) to be lied to like that, you can just move on now instead of finding this out in a few more weeks. i dont know why people lie like that online...i always tell people straight up if theres a 'future' or not in terms of dating..i just wish more people would have the same respect. don't give up tho..there defenitely is some superb women you can meet from online dating.

[Mun]

Hi there,

Your story sounds very familiar to me.

 

I think you are right that your friend wasn't ready to date yet. I think she got scared. She might have started thinking about what she was getting into and wondering how she was going to keep you hidden from her family and friends--but still make time for you. It was just too much work so she bolted.

 

Like everyone else has said, don't put all your eggs in one basket yet. Meet as many women as you can and you will increase your chances of finding the right one for you.

[Cherokee_Boy]

Thanks muneca, I'm pretty sure she did just what you explained in your post, because she said shes not a bar person, and doesn't look for guys there, she works with all women, and I know this for a fact, and shes now not online on the dating site anymore. Anyways it's over now and I'll have many more dates coming soon. I'm just going to have to change my stratagy, and ask a few more questions before the first date, just to hopefully screen out some of the bad apples