How to handle attraction to married man? Uncomfortable

[mier]

I have for 5 years been engaged in a warm but sexless flirtation with a very powerful man at work. We are the same age but I am very far under him in the power structure. (He is the CEO, I am a receptionist.)

About 3 years ago, he ran into me at a local restaurant sitting alone and asked to sit with me. Our hour together was intense. I felt to tell him that he had one of the nicest voices I had ever heard, he proceeded to tell me "I HAVE A wife and she loves me and takes good care of me."

I said "You are lucky then." and backed off. (He did not say he loved her)

Since then, people have noticed our warmth and attraction to each other.

I fantasize about him sexually, but am also in a 10 year relationship with a man who unfortunately is an alcoholic, but has been very faithful and mostly loving to me. I love him but we are more like two kids in a sandbox. (I am 52).

The man at work has hinted at a sexual relationship, but I have not encouraged it (at least not verbally). I do not want to hurt anyone. But I have had hints lately that he is sexually hungry, and one of the temptingly flirtatious girls in the office is starting to make a play. He is starting to respond, and I am unhappy and uncomfortable. I wish I could tell him how I feel, but am not in the best position to do this at work. He tells me he prays for my son who is in Afghanistan, and this means a lot to me.

 

I am very uncomfortable. Any suggestions or ideas would be appreciated.

[avman]

Sounds like he has already tried to discourage you. I implore you not to pursue this any further. I'm sorry you are in a rough marriage but starting something with your boss will lead to a major disaster.

 

Please keep things at a friendly level. You'll be saving yourself a lot of heartache later.

[chai714]

You've got your emotions involved. You have no right to be jealous over anything that he does with other women. It's actually not your business what he does, because he's not your husband. I really don't see anything good coming out of this situation if either of you decides to start any kind of relationship outside of the workplace with each other. While tt's ok to have a crush on him, that is as far as it should go.

[Mun]

But I have had hints lately that he is sexually hungry, and one of the temptingly flirtatious girls in the office is starting to make a play. He is starting to respond

 

Hi there,

From what you have observed he will take one woman or the next at this point. Please pay attention to this. I don't say this to hurt you, but you are not special to him. Why would you want to jeopardize your job and your emotions for a man who is not keen on you... not to mention he is married and has pointed out that he has a good wife--hint: he is not leaving her.

 

I'm sorry that you are in a relationship that is not making you happy, but getting involved with this man will not change that. Only you can do something about that relationship.

 

Take care of yourself first. I think you will keep your appeal if you are " the one that got away" as opposed to "yesterday's news."

 

You will also keep your self-respect in the process....which is the most important of all.

[mier]

thanks to all. I take all of your replies with appreciation.

I forgot to mention that I suspect (have been told) that he is having an affair with a married woman accross the hall. Nevertheless, he has been very nice to me.

 

Thanks for the response. I'm getting the message

[tea]

It's known that many CEOs and bosses flirt with their receptionist... so many girls even dream of snatching a CEO by being their receptionist... obviously never happened.

 

You're both married, he may not love his wife as much as he did before, but he still cares for his wife right?

 

People at work often develop feelings for each other simply because you spend so many hours together.. for some companies you spend more hours together than with your respective families. That, however, is absolutely no reason to cheat.

 

Wouldn't it be nice to focus more on your own family and rebuilt your romance with your husband, instead of flirting with your boss?

[mier]

yes, it would. also I have never been one to sneak or lie. I would fall out of love with him eventually.

[casado001]

He, here i am again giving advice that no one asked me for ...

But well, If your boss would be having any intentions with you, he would have acted already upon those feelings.

 

Dont get confused with friendliness of an attractive man, he seems to be just very friendly.

 

Again, if he would be willing to see you in some other situation, he would have done that already.

 

CEO's are not the "innactive" kind, that is why they are in command of such responsabilities.

 

...for the most part ...

 

just my 0.2

[mier]

thanks.

it's interesting that not one person has given me encouragement on this.

It's funny that some of my co-workers encourage me and say that he looks for me when I'm not there or that his whole face changes when he is around me. maybe they are setting me up. I'm glad I got all this objective advice to please not make a fool of myself. I'm thinking of looking for another job. there is nothing for me there.

 

you all have been most helpful.

[Mun]

You are smart not to listen to your co-workers. I'm not surprised that they are encouraging you. Some people enjoy watching others suffer. Some just like all the office drama and want to have a part in it. --It happened to me at work too .

 

Other people don't always have your best interest in mind.

 

Good luck mier .

[mier]

Thanks again for the input. By some strange twist of fate, I ate lunch with him again today, though their were others present. I was cool but friendly, and he was cool but friendly. I am reframing this picture.

 

Glad to know you understand about the work situation, it is very confusing.

 

Thanks bunch,

Mier