littleworld Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Me and my ex fiance met over 2 and a half years ago. Some of you may not think that's a very long time, but i made him my everything. Our relationship was at first, incredible. We took things too fast, granted. After half a year, we became engaged, and moved in together. And from the day we moved in together the relationship began to change to that of a married couple. I could not see all these faults that he mentioned was wrong with our relationship during breakup. But eventually after he started a new job, with many hours, he would chose work over spending time together and he turned cold. and just generally could not be bothered to try and show any love or affection. Granted, i haven't been the best person either, but i would have done anything to save our relationship. My problem is, i made him my world. I honestly loved him with all i had. I have been in a few serious relationships in the past, and i honestly saw myself with him for the rest of my life. He walked away from me, packed his bag and left with no hesitation. He didnt seem upset in the slightest, while i was absoultey broken. His excuse was that our relationship just wasnt working, he didnt want this. He couldnt be bothered to try to save this, he just upped and went, as easy as 123. I just cant stop crying. I Spend nights just staring into space with tears in my eyes, i honestly dont know how he could have left me so easily if he loved me as much as he said he did. I cant see myself getting better. I feel increadibly depressed, and ive had to take work off as i have a very demanding job and just couldnt face going in until ive healed a little bit. I need some advice on what to do, none of this "Go out have fun" crap, its not gonna work. Just some general advice on how to begin to heal. Link to comment
Kieren956 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 There is generally no answer that you'll be happy with, we know this because we are you, or at least we have been. I'm still reeling from the fact that after 3 and odd years of living together, my ex went from madly in love with me (supposedly) and wanting to get married and have another child (she has a 4 y old son already, if the breakup wasn't painful enough, imagine losing a kid you knew, cared for and loved since he was 1) to basically not giving a rat's *ss if I lived or died. I lost our home, furniture, appliances, everything, in one painful second. And we can all tell you the same kind of loss stories, they happen everyday, the world over. It's been 6 months for me, and I still think about them everyday, so I won't lie to you and tell you that it'll go away quickly if you truly loved him, like I did her. It seems unreal that considering the strength with which you love someone, that they could not care about you the same, I know, I totally understand. I still cried over them last night, but at least it had been a while since the last time I shed tears on them. The only real way to get over him, is to completely remove him from your life. Delete every email, letter, note, throw away or at least lock away pictures in a folder like I did, marked "for later in life". Block him from FB, tweeter, whatever social network. DON'T call him, DON'T message him, not once, not for the slightest reason, don't make excuses for yourself to contact him (oh it was just to see if he was doing ok, or to tell him I wasn't mad, or to let him know he left stuff at my house) those are pointless excuses to keep a tab on him, and just keep telling yourself that he doesn't care; if he wasn't doing ok, if he cared about things he may have left behind, at all, he would have contacted you, and all you'll do is push him away and prevent yourself from healing. You should be trying to reclaim the life you had prior to meeting him as much as possible. I know it sounds impossible right now, but you must do everything in your power to not contact him and to not dwell on the past you shared. Don't think anything sexual about him, I know I've had a hard time with this one, because all I seem to be able to fantasize about is her, but it's a big mistake, and a very painful one. Maybe you'll meet up again in the future, most likely not, either way, nothing you can do right now can change the fact that he doesn't want to be with you. Rebuild yourself from the ground up, hang out with your old friends, do the things you used to like doing before him, or the things you weren't able to do anymore because of him. And read up on other people's stories on ENA; it's a great source of material so that you won't feel all alone in what you're going through, because truly, you are not. Each day will feel a little less painful, until one glorious day you won't hurt at all. But it's a roller coaster, so you'll feel better, then you'll feel worse, that's totally normal. PM me if you need any more personal advice. Link to comment
mylovemyway Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Time. Trust me, it will get better with time. Be patient, and in the meantime, LOVE yourself. Take care of yourself first. Be the best person you can be, and you'll realize that you deserve the very best and that he doesn't even deserve you, since he walked away from you. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Same thing happened to me. Girl left after 2.5 years. It is killing me inside. One of the things that is helping is knowing that for 26 years of years of my life, I didn't know her. I was fine not knowing her. So I will be ok. But there was so much of myself that I gave. Link to comment
Loveandlost Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Here is your advice. Grieve!, Cry.. Scream into a pillow.. eat a pint of ice cream... go to the gym and run until you cant move your legs anymore. Dont beg to get him back. Almost all of us do try to beg and get them to come back.. and sometimes out of guilt they come back for a very short term but then they hurt you again. Think about it, they made this decision, would you want them to come back based only on guilt and not love for you? In the short term fill your schedule with as many things as you can. Talk to close friends, family.. etc. He left you, you are an amazing person and you gave your heart to him and he left. He doesnt deserve you, anyone who gives you up is really just making room for someone better who wouldnt give you up. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Don't contact him. Take one step at a time and do the things you need to do (eat, sleep, work, study, etc.). Hang out with friends and don't talk about your ex. Don't let yourself do nothing, keep moving, keep learning. It will take time, but you'll get there. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 The solution to your pain is to recognize that you should never make someone else your world... You can make them your partner, but not your world, because what happens is when you turn yourself and all your power over to someone else, you lose yourself and if they leave you are devastated as you are now. But the good news is that you CAN and WILL feel better, especially if you realize that once you work hard to get yourself back at the center of your world, you will be fine, healthier, stronger and have a better relationship in future becasue it is a big burden to someone else if you make them the center of your world and lose yourself and your own identity in the process. The first thing you need to do is recognize you are a grown woman and not a child, and hence are NOT dependent on him for your physical and emotional survival, though it does feel like it right now. You need to grieve his loss, which everyone must do when a relationship breaks up, but you need to stop imparting Godlike qualities to him where if you don't have him, your world will end. He should never have been your God, and you need to fight any irrational thoughts and impulses that give him so much power over you that you feel like you'll never be happy again, because you will once you get your feet under you again and some time has past. But if you cannot function and cannot go to work and are really depressed, then you need to call a counselor and go talk to them to help you put this in perspective and get yourself back on the right track to put yourself in the center of your world rather allowing someone else that much power. The best loves are when two people are happy, healthy, and strong as individuals and not enmeshed in a co-dependent haze. That is really how an infant thinks, that life is not worth living when Mommy leaves the room, but you are a woman and are not a dependent infant and are stronger than you think, so you need to focus on that, that EVERYONE loses at love sometimes, and in fact almost everyone loses at love SEVERAL times before they finally settle down with the right partner. So i know this feels like the end of the world, but it just isn't. You just need to get your own center back again and quit deifying him. And if you feel you can't function, call a counselor to help you get back on the right track. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Your mistake was that you made him your everything. You made him your only source of happiness and rested on it. I know that because I made the same mistake. It's a difficult thing to re-adjust from but I'm fairly certain it can be done. Link to comment
littleworld Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 Your mistake was that you made him your everything. You made him your only source of happiness and rested on it. I know that because I made the same mistake. It's a difficult thing to re-adjust from but I'm fairly certain it can be done. I agree. After talking with many friends who I haven't seen for a long time today I have started to feel a bit better about things He text me today, and after all your advice on no contact, I ended up calling him. On the phone I realised how much I now hate his guts. I won't be speaking to him again. He's out of my life for good. I've realised I deserve more. And as much as it hurts I've started to cone to terms that I can't go on loving someone who clearly doesn't love me. He's far too self obsessed to care about anyone else... it's time to get out, have fun and live my life... it's not going to b easy. But I'm gonna come out of this a much stronger and independent person. This has also made me realise how much I've missed my mothers company. Time to concentrate on myself and lean to love and appreciate myself. Time to become independent and strong . One day he is going to realise what he's lost. And the day that happens hopefully il be happy and strong and he will finally learn the rules of karma Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.