Please Respond So I know I'm not alone

[PatMurphy]

I was dumped 2 weeks ago by a girl who always "flip-flopped" on me, and put me thru the ringer emotionaly, although this was not her intention, it just so happened that it was hard for her to express emotion. Me, on the other hand find it relativley easy. I know of the No-Contact rule, and i always use it. But I feel as if I am insane... Because, I always look at my phone to see if i missed a call or text message. I always wonder if she thinks she may have been wrong. I always hope that me not contacting her, crushes her, and makes her more upset that I am not around. I want her to feel the lonely-ness that I feel. I wonder if I should let go, or hope for the better although it's only been 2 weeks. And why would I wait for someone who couldnt decide to begin with. I almost feel stupid for wondering this... I just would hate to know that, being the generous, caring, commited, honest person that I am, that she is happy with her decision. That honestly crushes me. And I hope that is the farthest from the truth, and that behind the scenes, where I can't see, she is going thru the same hurt that I am...

[chai714]

How long were you two together? Ok, to validate some of what you're feeling, you're not insane to look at your phone for a missed call or text, or checking your email continuously, etc. Breaking up can cause temporary insanity - take it from me. You can sit there and speculate about whether she misses you, if she's coming back, if she's gonna call, if she thinks about you as often as you think about her, etc. What does it amount to? A WASTE OF TIME. It's normal to think about these things, but don't spend too much time doing them if possible.

 

Depending on the length and quality of the relationship will determine how she's feeling right now. Nobody can shake off a long, high quality relationship in a week . .or even a month. But as all things, the healing process varies from person to person. NC is best initially, to gather your thoughts and it prevents you from speaking emotionally.

[winkybear]

yea i went through that too. She dumped me, and im just wondering if she's going through the same thing or has she forgotten about me. After every evening out for basketball , first thing i do when i go home is to check and see whether there's any miss calls or text messages from her, every night too.

 

I really wanted her to feel something from the break up, i took it real badly. Why didnt she? Was our r.ship so easily forgotten? Those are the questions that keeps popping up in my head. I dont see that she feels anything, it felt like it was really unfair, but i had to go on and heal my own wounds rather than hoping for something u know is not going to happen. Everytime i see her flirting with other guys , it hurts real bad. Till today , im still thinking of her. Doing much better, but i suppose thats the feeling u get when u really like someone. Right now, whenever i see her flirting or doing things that would make me feel down, i just try ignoring that feeling. Its real hard to do, but its getting easier now.

[PatMurphy]

We were together for 5 months. I know thats not that long of a time, but alot of stuff happened within that time-frame. I had her opening up to me, her friends calling me saying they had never seen her happy like this, even her saying she is "always thinking about me". We had sex the the night before she ended it. But I thought that was suppsosed to be special, and it took her along time to get to that point. It was not based off that but, you would think, for all the work it took her to get that point, it would of meant something, like she said it did. But the next day???? Gone???? Completley dumbfounded and want to lash-out at her, but No Contact will not allow that to happen.

[juno]

Hello,

 

I read your posting on the web and it reminded me of the ordeal I went through last year. Now I can say Im ok. But it took me so much pain to finally undestand one thing.

 

Shy women, timid, and those who are "not affectionated", seem to transform themselves when they are with the guy they feel something for.

 

Unfortunatelly your now-exgirfriend wasnt that into you, man. Im sorry to say it that way but its true. When a woman falls for sb, she is going to let the guy know she is interested, believe me. No matter how hard it could be for her to express her emotions she'll do it.

 

Keep your chin up and move on. Everything vanishes after some time.

 

Good luck,

[samson66]

I'm in the same place dude, it sucks. You'll have great days and not so great days... yesterday for example I was down for no reason, didn't see her or anything that set me off but it was just one of those days where I really missed her.

 

I find the forums help sometimes, but only in moderation -- if you're always on here thinking about things I think it handicaps your healing a little bit, but sometimes when you need to vent or just can't get your head around things it does help.

 

What's working for me is NC, and the thought that she's not the first girl to succumb to your charms and won't be the last. I'm sure there are hundreds of girls in your area who'd love to be with you, they just don't know it yet, and as good as it was going out with a great girl that wasn't entirely into it, think how much better it would be to find a girl just as hot who feels the same way. Your ex is still thinking about you, and I'm sure she has questioned her decision, but when you're the one that ends it there's extra pressure put on to also not look back -- you've made a tough decision and now you're going to proof to yourself that it was right, so maybe you try to move on fast, and you definitely don't dwell on it as much as the dumped person. In my experience when you initiate a breakup with someone it's almost like you get a free pass on the negative feelings for a while because it's new and exciting to be single, and it's your choice -- but eventually if you don't rebound right away you'll end up feeling the loss just as much, just kicks in a little later.

 

Hope that helps a little...

 

Sam

[PatMurphy]

Oh, imagine this.... She just contacted me. Just to say hi, which is odd, considering she was the one who said we shouldnt talk anymore. When I asked her why she is contacting me she said "i wanted to see how u were doing, i didn't think it was that big of a deal!" then she proceded to tell me that she had to call me because she knew i wouldnt call her!!!! After what she said. And also the fact, since when I (me) say it's over, it's over, she figured it was done.. Regardless of the fact she got rid of me. She made it seem that eventhough she booted me, she had to contact me cause i wouldn't of contacted her first. And when I asked her "what? do u miss me?" she wouldnt respond. SHe'd just say "do u assume that i dont?" and then right away "okay i have to go to school now"... This is rediculous. Whats her gig???

[samson66]

Just take it as a compliment -- she can't get you out of her head quite as easily as she might have hoped. I wouldn't look at it any deeper than that... she's probably not consciously messing with you or anything.

[Strandysmommy]

I don't mean to give any false hope or anything, but as a shy, timid girl myself, I think there are prolly many guys out there who will never know how into them I was. When I get near to, or talk to a guy I find myself attracted to, I usually can't make eye contact...nay FACE contact, I get all red and fidgety...it prolly comes accross as being aloof or uncomortable.