PatMurphy

Thank u for ur post. As it helps me understand her angle alittle better. It is so evident to me when someone puts up the wall. And I've heard it all "you'll have to break down the walls" "It takes awhile for me to open up" "i have a hard time with relationships" "i can't believe u put up with all my stuff" "I can't trust anyone" "i have no-one i can trust" "i can never get anything off the ground" "My mom says I need to let someone in"... I've heard it all. And i did just about everything i could have done, just to be tossed in the end. And thats what hurts. When she just called, i said what i had to, but to no avail. So what to do? Sit there and let her miss me? persue her? or say later,dude!? I TRULEY believe i am that person that can really help someone out and make a meaningful relationship the flourishes, and I'd love to help someone, but I dont know what to do.

Actually, I am not atracted to these types of girls, it seems that they are attracted to me, like they hunt me out. I feel i should i be aloof as she is, but i figure it's too late, because i already put the ball in her court and said "hey, i still have feelings for you..." which i don't know if i should of because she kinda skirted around the statement (which is not unusual). I think that since im such a "good guy" when I hear how bad her previous relationships were, it makes me want to make a positive change in her life. She was so happy that thats the way i was, but after awhile she treated me the same way as everyone before her. She finally backed out, and i was like okay. I don't want her to think that i am going to be there for her, let her realize what she lost. (I hope) but i think i blew that oppritunity by saying "i still have feelings", i mean, gee, it's only been 2 weeks. You can't just turn stuff off that fast. And for her to contact me this fast, but be this "aloof" just makes me mad. Grow up and say what u have to say! I would. So since i said that i missed her and still had feelings, i at least got it off my chest, but i think i need to just back off, and not go after her. Let her miss me, and let her be the one to realize her mistake and ADMIT to it. Sometimes a simple apology is all it takes, but is the hardest thing to get.

I posted a couple days ago about a girl I dated but I ask this question to see if anyone has dealt with this or how you went about it. I dated a girl who was an emotional brick wall. This seems to be the kind of girl that flock to me, which happens to also be the type that I can't stand. Display emotions was impossible for her to do, which I don't understand. The same old "past relationship" issue thing, the "i got hurt" thing, the "i don't trust anybody"thing. I think everyone has these issues, including me, but i think it's unhealthy to not deal with it correctly. I don't understand when people get comfortable with opening up, like she did, they freak themselves out, and slam shut again?! Well, a that is, is a curve-ball to person like me, who understands these problems and actually knows how to deal with them. Regardless, after she scared herself enough, I got the boot, and the blame. I was told, by a very uncertain voice she think it's best we don't talk anymore. Being told something like that, I voice my unhappiness with her decision, and told her i was crushed. But she didn't say anything, she sat there, so basically said "later" and hung up. Two weeks of NC, guess who gets a call??? It was a very generic "testing the waters" kinda call. But I think i might have overstepped my bounds, I basically said "why are u contacting me???". No answer, she actually seemed defensive, aloof, and uncomfortable. And i said "I thought we weren't supposed to speak again" Which i got no answer. After 2 weeks of no-contact, i had to speak my mind. I did, now i regret that i did. I did so because i was upset at the fact she never mentioned what happened. I am the type of person that, when I know i'm wrong, or i have made a mistake, or hurt someone before i say ANYTHING I admit my mistake and apologize if i have to. I don't feel I need to contact her, if she wants to talk, she can contact me. But dealing with a person like so, should I just be as aloof as she is, or should I speak my mind? I am crazy about this.

Oh, imagine this.... She just contacted me. Just to say hi, which is odd, considering she was the one who said we shouldnt talk anymore. When I asked her why she is contacting me she said "i wanted to see how u were doing, i didn't think it was that big of a deal!" then she proceded to tell me that she had to call me because she knew i wouldnt call her!!!! After what she said. And also the fact, since when I (me) say it's over, it's over, she figured it was done.. Regardless of the fact she got rid of me. She made it seem that eventhough she booted me, she had to contact me cause i wouldn't of contacted her first. And when I asked her "what? do u miss me?" she wouldnt respond. SHe'd just say "do u assume that i dont?" and then right away "okay i have to go to school now"... This is rediculous. Whats her gig???

We were together for 5 months. I know thats not that long of a time, but alot of stuff happened within that time-frame. I had her opening up to me, her friends calling me saying they had never seen her happy like this, even her saying she is "always thinking about me". We had sex the the night before she ended it. But I thought that was suppsosed to be special, and it took her along time to get to that point. It was not based off that but, you would think, for all the work it took her to get that point, it would of meant something, like she said it did. But the next day???? Gone???? Completley dumbfounded and want to lash-out at her, but No Contact will not allow that to happen.

I was dumped 2 weeks ago by a girl who always "flip-flopped" on me, and put me thru the ringer emotionaly, although this was not her intention, it just so happened that it was hard for her to express emotion. Me, on the other hand find it relativley easy. I know of the No-Contact rule, and i always use it. But I feel as if I am insane... Because, I always look at my phone to see if i missed a call or text message. I always wonder if she thinks she may have been wrong. I always hope that me not contacting her, crushes her, and makes her more upset that I am not around. I want her to feel the lonely-ness that I feel. I wonder if I should let go, or hope for the better although it's only been 2 weeks. And why would I wait for someone who couldnt decide to begin with. I almost feel stupid for wondering this... I just would hate to know that, being the generous, caring, commited, honest person that I am, that she is happy with her decision. That honestly crushes me. And I hope that is the farthest from the truth, and that behind the scenes, where I can't see, she is going thru the same hurt that I am...