Why do men and women cheat if things are going well?

[gluestick]

One of my co-workers called me into his office today for advice on some personal matters. He's traveling to China for a business trip with another co-worker in a few weeks. Rumor has it that he cheats on his wife every time he travels outside the country. Well, not just him. Every single guy in our office cheats, have cheated, or are cheating on their spouse. And business trips are the perfect escape. Being excited as he is, he accidentally texts "are you ready for some [fill in the blank] in a few weeks!!!" to his wife of 15 years. She responds by saying he's caught in the act, having previously found condoms in his luggage 2 years ago, although that wasn't definitive proof that he's been cheating. Aside from asking for my opinions on what he should do when he goes home tonight, he goes on to tell me that if I were his daughter (he has a 5 year old himself), his best advice would be to never trust men and that ALL men are dogs.

 

While I'd beg to differ that not "all" men are dogs, it did piqued my interest in why people cheat. It certainly is a generalization. It's like saying all women never cheat and that couldn't be farther from the truth in this day and age. I asked my co-worker why he cheated on his wife. Is it because they have marital problems (what marriage/relationship doesn't)? Is it because he doesn't love his wife? His answer is no to both, but the most prominent reasons that stood out to him is 1) things get old after being with someone for 15 years and 2) he thought he'd never get caught. So to summarize, if given the opportunity without repercussion, that's when men cheat if everything in the relationship or marriage is good.

 

Anyone would like to give their point of view? Why do men and women cheat when their relationship is good and when they love their partner/spouse?

[Moontiger]

A few reason, 1) Some people are not meant for a mongy relationship. Yet they still want the status of having a family. 2) They don't want to put the effort in to fix whatever is wrong. Are things getting boring? Go buy a blindfold and some handcuffs. 3) They like having their ego's petted.

[Lily McFly]

Well, if you think about it, if all men are cheaters, who are they cheating with?? They're either cheating with women, or possibly men. But I know we're talking about heterosexuals. I, like you, think about this. I'm female. I also work in a law office that deals with divorce. We see JUST as many divorces brought about because of a cheating wife as a cheating husband. It's depressing, but it doesn't have to change you. I have friends that say that too, 'all men are dogs'. Maybe men and women have just really both become very doggly. Basically, it just sucks!!

[FYI]

Some people are just never satisfied, regardless of who their dating or married too.

 

Committment is not something for everybody, I'll say that. It comes down to loyalty and as we know that's not something very easy to come by.

[Lily McFly]

As far as to why people cheat...I really wonder that too. I feel like it could be pinpointed or narrowed down to a few choices. I don't think we can, unfortuneately. I think there are things or behaviors that you can look for in a potential husband or wife and things that will alert you to this person maybe having the potential to cheat. I know myself, I have stayed with guys that definitely showed red flags, and I didn't run. And I am coming to think that if someone cheats on me, that is on them, not me. In other words, I don't want to just give up on love because I could work up an argument that, well, he'll cheat on me, all men are dogs...because then I would never look for love again. Whew, I feel like I'm going around in circles. This is a good subject to sit around and discuss!! Not 'good' but, there's a lot of food for thought!

[Generation]

Because they can. I cheated on my ex in the past and I wasn't proud of it, destroyed that relationship and her, I told her about it cause it was a drunken mistake and I wanted to be honest and there were a lot of witnesses too. I messed up. It destroyed the self image I had of myself, and I lost my self respect.

 

I used to ponder before, if there was a 100% guarantee that I could get away with it, would I do it?

The opportunity for me to do it has arisen more times than I can keep count. Women throwing themselves at me, giving me their numbers to doing much more. Single women, married, coworkers, milfs, underage, transsexuals, and very easily I could have, but I'm never gonna do it. Whenever I tell these stories to my friends, they're like what's wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me, maybe I'm more evolved. Honestly, sometimes I miss being single cause effortlessly I could be getting so much action, but nah, I got a great thing going for me right now.

 

I know guys who cheat because they feel a surge of power, like the act sex is one of the most sacred things in my opinion and I know that sounds corny to some people. But for them to be able to get someone in bed, the thrill of the hunt, they feel manly and validated from it. It gives them a huge ego boost. They brag about it. They conquered her. Men with power get all the girls. They feel powerful, dominant, alpha. People love going off on power trips. If you think about it, those who love being on power trips are more likely to cheat.

[annie24]

I like Chris Rock's quote - "Men are as faithful as their options." I would never feel comfortable dating a sports star or actor, just because they constantly have groupies throwing themselves at them. I don't think that all men cheat, but what you are describing at your workplace is pretty sick. blah. I feel bad for the wives. I think - and I am probably over simplifying here - that men can cheat even if everything at home is fine. Whereas women cheat when they feel they are missing some excitement from their lives. Maybe feeling neglected or just don't feel like they are getting what they want out of the relationship. Of course, that might be the case for male cheaters as well.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

People love going off on power trips. If you think about it, those who love being on power trips are more likely to cheat.

 

I agree. The men and women who like to encourage the attentions of multiple people are typically the ones with over-inflated egos..but at the same time, deep insecurities in that the only way they feel validated is if they have a huge fan club. So the more women (or men) they can have dangling after them, the more omnipotent they feel.

[lavenderdove]

On a separate note, try to avoid these kind of conversations with people you work with... this is frankly none of your business and inappropriate subject for him to bring up at the office. you do NOT want to become known as the office confidante on the subject of people's private lives and affairs...

 

If someone brought this up to me, my response would be, this is something you should be discussing with your wife or marriage counselor and not with me.

 

When you start listening to people talk about this kind of thing, you are in essence colluding with them and giving implicit approval if you don't speak up and either tell them you don't think it is appropriate conversation for the workplace (and it isn't) or that you think it is a problem that he needs to discuss with his wife or an appropriate person like a marriage counselor. It puts you in a really awkward position knowing about this and having to talk about it.

 

i would also ask him if he's really thought about the consequences, as in how much a divorce and child support will cost him, and what it will be like to only be a part time father for the next 15 years and have his kids and family lose respect for him because he's cheating, and if he knows how truly expensive it is to try to live and support a second family if he loses his first one. Men like this are all high about it until they get caught, and rarely to do they think about the consequences because their egos make them feel powerful and like they won't get caught ,but they do eventually.

[PetiteGirl]

I have once heard a man said that cheating is a character flaw. Some are weak and make bad choices in the heat of the moment without thinking about the consequences. Some are just simply selfish. Cheating is no "mistake" because I don't believe in cheating by accident because "accidents" aren't intentional. If the OP's co-worker is bored of his marriage, then that's a marital problem. He just lacks the self-respect, the character and respect for his marriage to work things out. In other words, this guy is just another selfish, egoistical boy that shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship.

[gluestick]

Like PetiteGirl said, cheating is a choice and not an accident. It's easier to blame other people or situations than to take responsibility for one's own actions. There are many people who don't cheat. They have the self respect and respect for his/her partner and the sense to not put themselves in situations most conducive for cheating. They stay away from alcohol/drugs, away from provocative environments and people, and away from people who encourage cheating, etc.. To me, cheating is inexcusable. If there were problems in the relationship, either fix it or end it, before moving on with someone else.

[pl3asehelp]

They don't. Things aren't going well, despite superficial appearances that indicate they are. It's very easy to 'look' like things are going well. It's an entirely different and much more difficult thing to make that a reality.