Girlfriend told me she slept with someone else...

[slushie]

My girlfriend and I just recently got back together after being broken up for roughly a month and a half. We had broken (initiated by her) during the summer. She had gone away for the summer to a different city, and our relationship was somewhat sour when she left. She broke up with me in August and part of the reason was that she had feelings for someone else.

 

When she got back in town, it wasn't long before we were hanging out and the feelings grew back. She had told me that nothing materialized with the "other" guy and that she was seeing no one else. She said that nothing happened and that she soon realized that she wasn't interested in him.

 

Just the other day, she told me she slept with this other guy after we broke up. This is eating me up. She was a virgin when we started dating and I always respected the fact that she valued the intimate side of a relationship in the sense that she had only been intimate with people she cared about.

 

Anyways, she said that it was something that she regreted the day after. She also said that she thinks she did in as a way of forcing her to get over the breakup. It sounds like she is honest about it, but I seem to be struggling with it. I know technically she did nothing wrong, but I almost feel as though I have lost respect for her as I always viewed her as a moral person with a good heart. I do realize things like this happen quite often after a breakup as people look to fill a void, but I can't seem to just shove it aside.

 

Any insight?

[VertygoX]

if you truly care for her then youll have to let it go, i know that its gonna hurt and its going to bother you but people make mistakes, we are only human, shes stated her side and shes left the ball in your court so to speak

 

if it were me yes it would eat me up and hurt to no end, and the fact it is eating you up shows that you obviously have very strong feelings for her, so just try to move beyond it i know its going to be hard but do your best

 

hope everything works out

[anotherone]

Let is go .... You should appreciate her honesty. She did not do it while she was with you. You sound like you care about this girl a lot..and that is great. Do not let this bother you anymore. Just enjoy what you have and focus on your future with her...so she does not do it again.

[chanceit]

Well not meaning to sound negative but i can understand how you feel.

 

You feel like she dumped you to sleep with this fit bloke.

 

This doesn't work out i.e. she realises he was jerk so she comes back to you.

 

I would say forgive her this time - but next time if she dumps u and then comes back - i think you should have a serious think about what's she's using you for....

[Venturer]

If I were in this guys position, I would not take her back.

[Michael2]

Same thing happened to me. Same time frame also.

 

 

If you can work past this, all the better.

 

Personally, I was unable to. It was a slap in the face. Oh teh technicalities (sp?).

 

I was able to reflect on the situation. She broke up with you , most likely to see how greener the grass was. She slept with someone else, a month and a half later ( says a lot about her character considering she says she is stil in love with you) then realizes the grass isnt as green.

 

I couldnt get over this. My ex ended up breaking uip with me AGAIN, and did the same crap. I couldnt work past it, and I dont know many that can.

[ShroudedSorrow24]

sure she likes you more than this guy she slept with. But what if she ended up with someone that she thought was "better than you". Would she have come running back to you then? It sounds to me like she's trying to get her way without thinking about you or anyone else

[lady00]

deleted.

[Phil]

I would say let it go also, sure it hurts and probably wasnt' thinking to clearly when this happened. we all make mistakes. and if i'm reading this correctly, she lost her virginity to this guy that she barely knew rather then to you... she probably felt vulnerable to since she left you and again wasn't thinking clearly.

 

If you truly honestly love her you will continue the relationship.

[Michael2]

Do not make the mistake I did.

 

This is a huge character flaw on her part.

[lady00]

How is sleeping with someone representative of a character flaw if she wasn't with anyone else at the time? Even if it was a mistake, can't people make mistakes when they are confused and lonely?

[Stari]

I would not trust her.

 

nothing happened

They only had sex. In my opinion she was not honest when she said that nothing happened. Her reason for this is probably to make it sound less bad than it is. In light of this I interpret

 

she soon realized that she wasn't interested in him

more as

"she soon realized that he wasn't interested in her".

 

it was something that she regreted the day after

She broke up with you so that she could be with him. She saved her virginity for Mr.Right. Does this sound like a girl feels unsure about her romantic feelings for this guy?

 

she thinks she did in as a way of forcing her to get over the breakup

Soon she will tell you she had sex with him for your sake.

 

She was the one who broke up with you. She also had Mr.Right around her to be the object of her desire. I think she is stroking your ego by telling you she had such a hard time trying not to think of you.

 

My guess is that now she feels cheap. You are her backup guy with whom she can pretend she is once again the virgin Mary and gain some self-esteem.

 

Look at her actions:

If she SUDDENLY realized you are the one, does she give you the same benefits she gave the guy she broke up with you for?

If she SUDDENLY realized you are the one, would not she have told you they had sex instead of saying "nothing happened" ?

 

She does not sound trustworthy, so I would let her go.

[slushie]

Thanks for all the replies. It definitely is an awkward situation to be in.

 

A few things to point out. This girl is someone who is geniunely a good person. Obviously, there is some bias in that statement, but she is someone who is honest and has a great heart. I have spoken to her since my first post and feel better about the situation.

 

In terms of her simply falling back to me, and using me as "second best", I don't see that being the case. A big part of the reason we broke up was based on me not always putting enough effort into the relationship. Things weren't great when she left town, and I do understand the reasons for the break up. It was a breakup that happened for good reason. Since her return to the city, the vibe between us has been WAY better. We are more open with each other, more attracted to each other and overall enjoy our company more. It is quite refreshing, and as odd as it may sound, breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to us.

 

I'm not worried that her feelings for this guy were deep and that she simply bounced back to me. From what she has told me she though he was a cool guy but she never developed any true feelings for (she has known him for a few years, hadn't seen him for a while till the summer). There was obviously a physical attraction, but after she "did the deed", she did not have a desire to grow anything with him. Her thoughts seem essentially to mirror how I felt in the past after sleeping with someone just for the sake of having sex. I know it is a convenient tale for her to tell, but I believe she is being honest.

 

I really think the trouble I am having is picturing her having sex with someone else. I was her "first" and I guess the thought of her having casual sex immediately after disturbs me. That said, I feel somewhat hypocritical because I have had "meaningless" sex before and have had a one night stand as well. I suppose it is the thought of someone I care so much for doing the same.

 

I think this is something I will get past. The place we are right now is very good, hopefully I can focus on that. Thanks for all the feedback and feel free to share any comments....critical or otherwise.

[goingout]

Good thinking. I agree with you slushie. Forgive and forget is a great thing to do.. A lot of people do not do that...I am gald you decided to pass this and continue to go out with this girl. Make sure to listen to her all the time...

[Angelus]

Damn man that's sour, i mean from my point of view, it seems as though she only left u to sleep with this guy. However, you seem to really care for her so if you feel you can trust her again, take her back and give her another chance. As you can see, she came back meaning she's ready to be serious with you. Yes you lost the chance to share an intimate moment with her, you will never get back but, in order to gain in life, we must be prepared to lose. Give it another shot and if she does it again, find urself a girl that will appreciate you.

[slushie]

Just to clarify, my girlfriend was lost her virginity with me. I guess I made it a little unclear, but I was her "first".

[Stari]

Ok, the fact that you were her first makes my lashing out on her too harsh indeed. Nevertheless, her telling you at first that nothing happened is not good in my opinion.

[Cecelius]

I understand why it bugs you. She did something out of "confusion and loneliness" which are the hallmarks of all youthful drama. Something she claimed was special and intimate to her and she gave it away just like that.

 

Your ego is easy to cure: just make sure you are giving her your best work and that above all else, you are enjoying yourself. This is not forever and just focus on how much your relationship is adding the icing on the cake.

 

But, she's pretty well shown that she is young and confused. I say take it light and have a good time, but the first [next] sign of confusion, and you replace her.

[marijo2480]

I am going to sound horrible saying this as I am a true believer that there are two sides to a story. But, in this case, I have to speak from a girl's perspective and say DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! I wouldn't be a jerk about it. She was honest with you. I'd give her credit for that. But still. Do you want this other guy's sloppy seconds? Come on. If she valued her body as much as you thought she did, why would she be dumb enough to sleep with someone she's not even in love with. I think the trying to deal with break up thing is nothing but bull. Move on, find yourself a nice girl, and get over this! I know it's hard and anyone that gives you advice here can't really know the full story but think about the situation carefully. You know it better than any one of us do. Take care, and I wish you all the best!

 

Marie

[marijo2480]

Also, I don't think it matters that you were her first. She obviously didn't value that as much as you thought she did. Maybe she realized what she did afterwards, but still. It's up to you. If you think you can deal with it, than go for it but keep your guard up for a while at least.

[Leslii]

She left you for anther guy and you took her back when it didn't work???

You need to think about this long and hard!!!

 

So you are back together and what she did is painful but only time will dull the pain. Lots of time. It something that you can't force yourself to get over. Heartache can linger for a long time.

 

If she does pull another stunt like this again, don't take her back.