aphrodite12 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 After my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I found out from a friend that he had, *before* he and I became friends and had our relationship, almost slept with one of our mutual friends. It was during a house party at which he got very drunk. (This was the party at which he and I first met, but I left early so I didn't know that this went on). He had wanted to sleep with this girl but she was having her monthly cycle at the time and so could not engage in sexual contact (which she regretted I am told!). Which meant that they would have done it had it been any other time of the month. The morning after this, though, he had texted her to tell her that he was very sorry but that he didn't feel that they could have a relationship. Since this happened before my ex and I got to know each other it would not be such a big deal- but what is bad here is that my ex used to go with this girl to rock concerts during our relationship, just the two of them, since they were the only two in our friendship group who liked rock. I never minded once, I was even happy that he had someone to go to concerts to, and I never ever knew about this sexual night which they almost had. Infact, I had the impression that my ex didn't even know this girl very well; during group get-togethers he would never be interested in talking to her much, whereas she always used to try to make conversation with him. I always felt slight resentment from this girl towards me despite me being friendly to her; I got the impression that she didn't like me very much and I always wondered why. Then after the breakup and I found out about this night of passion, it all became clear. I heard that this girl has been texting him a lot since he broke up with me, and she has been complaining to my friend that my ex never really texts her. It was very clear that my ex only loved me. But, was it wrong for him to not tell me about her? Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Why does this matter now? You are exes. Maybe he should have told you...maybe he hardly remembered the night since he was plastered. Maybe in his mind it was no big deal because you two hadn't even met yet and he wasn't really attracted to her like that. Who knows? But you aren't together anymore, so why stress over it? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Yes, I think so. This is what gives male / female friendships a bad name. They have a romantic history, which means he shouldn't be in contact with her at all if he's in a committed relationship. He knows that and that's why he chose to hide the true nature of their relationship from you. Link to comment
leftme Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 No. What good would it have done you? You'd have either constantly worried, caused a scene or made him avoid her and in reality you had nothing to be concerned about as he didn't see her that way. There were no romantic feelings. Just drunken, horny, feelings. Link to comment
MizzGee Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 I think he should have told you. But like others have said, it doesn't matter now that he's your ex. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 No. What good would it have done you? You'd have either constantly worried, caused a scene or made him avoid her and in reality you had nothing to be concerned about as he didn't see her that way. There were no romantic feelings. Just drunken, horny, feelings. If there were only drunken horny feelings and nothing for her to be concerned about, why did this other girl act resentful towards the OP? I think it was because she wanted her man, which is obviously inappropriate and worth her being concerned. No other reason to resent her. Link to comment
DN Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Unless this had anything to do with why you broke up I don't see why it matters. It's not a good idea to look for retrospective reasons to blame him for anything, your previous thread seems to indicate that is what you are trying to do. Link to comment
RedDress Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 This is what gives male / female friendships a bad name. I agree. Some people have a funny definition of "friends". Actually... I do think it matters a little if you ever had any intention or inkling to get back together with this guy. I think he should have told you. Hiding things because you are trying to avoid having your partner "get paranoid" (I don't think it's paranoid at all - clearly there is at least a base attraction there - strong enough that it was once acted upon...) is lying. And I do think he deliberately hid it... I very much doubt he "forgot" he did it - especially if he messaged her the next day (when not drunk) to apologize/reject her. Is it worth confronting him about now? No. Definitely not. You broke up. It's over. Just don't go back... Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 It's alright that he didn't tell you about how he made out with your mutual friend BEFORE you were ever in a relationship together....BUT IT WAS WRONG OF HIM to go to rock concerts with him while he was in a relationship with you, with respect to the fact that he wanted to sleep with her before. And yes, something could have happened between him and her ( alone times together and her unexplainable slight resentment and attitude towards you ). But does it matter now? There must be some reason as to why you guys are broken up now. Perhaps the relationship was not as strong as it was in the first place. Glad that you're out of it or you would have to deal with the possibility of him cheating on you with her. Link to comment
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