6 months NC. Ex suddenly texts asking if I sent a gift. What would you do?

[Maroon]

Hi everyone. ENA has been immensely helpful. Thank you!

 

Just a slight dilemma. After breaking up, my ex and I have been in a mutually agreed NC for about 6 months. All of a sudden, she text messages me to ask if I sent her a gift. I did not send a gift.

 

What does this mean? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Reply or ignore?

 

Thanks so much! More power to ENAers! You guys are the best.

[mhowe]

Just reply "nope, not me!"

 

Don't hook into it --- she is already trying to play the "let's make him jealous" card.

 

Then, ignore all future texts.

[cherryx]

I agree with mhowe. Play it cool. Make her think that she's the last thing from your mind x

[DN]

I also agree with mhowe.

[mhowe]

Appreciate the support.

 

OP --- do not text any more than that. Do not express any interest in what it is, who might have sent it -----anything beyond my suggestion will make you look interested. And you are not.

 

She is trying to "engage" you in a text session. Don't do it.

[Maroon]

I happen to agree with you mhowe and cherryx. Thanks so much!

 

By the way, she is the dumper. I just found it odd because all throughout our relationship, I never sent her anything without clearly putting my name on it... Thanks again!

[Maroon]

Brilliant suggestion mhowe! Thanks!

 

I actually assumed she already deleted my mobile number since we haven't texted for several months.

[Streetbob]

Brilliant suggestion mhowe! Thanks!

 

I actually assumed she already deleted my mobile number since we haven't texted for several months.

 

I would have thought that this would be exactly the time that things would happen. My opinion is that people expect way too much too soon with NC. I honestly believe that 6 months is the minimum for somebody to change their mindset but realistically much longer than that.

 

I agree with the posters above. Just a simple "No, not me" is more than enough.

This might be her way of reaching out. Put yourself in her place. It must be difficult and she may be testing the water. Just bide your time and see what unfolds.

 

SB

[mhowe]

If that is her way of reaching out, it smell of playing games. Nothing real or honest about it.

[Streetbob]

If that is her way of reaching out, it smell of playing games. Nothing real or honest about it.

 

 

But that's what people sometimes do.

 

I agree with you that it smacks of playing games and we would hope that people could be up front but after 6 months or more there is a bit of distance.

I'm not sure what there is to be gained by playing games after 6 months, that is why I'm thinking it could be a way of tentatively reaching out.

 

SB

[DN]

It could be playing games but there is also the possibility someone sent a gift anonymously and she is trying to find out who it was. In either case a simple "no, not me" will serve.

[Maroon]

"I'm not sure what there is to be gained by playing games after 6 months, that is why I'm thinking it could be a way of tentatively reaching out."

 

You're right Streetbob. Thanks for the insight! I do believe that this a way for the dumper to reach out. I suppose this is another proof that NC does work whether it be for healing or for possible reconciliation. We'll see what happens next. But for now, NC continues.

[mhowe]

My thought -- that if there is "game playing" in the reaching out stage ----it is better not to "engage".

 

Regardless, original advice stands.

[Maroon]

"It could be playing games but there is also the possibility someone sent a gift anonymously and she is trying to find out who it was. In either case a simple "no, not me" will serve."

 

I thought the same too, DN. Since I am her most recent ex, she probably assumed it was from me. By now, she must already know who sent her the gift. Anyways, NC continues. Thanks DN!

[Streetbob]

Whatever it is: Genuine, game playing or reaching out, the response should be the same. Stick with the NC and wait to see IF there is another move - and then you will know more. Good luck

 

SB

[Maroon]

Super thanks mhowe, cherryx, Streetbob, and DN! You are the best!

 

Any other ENAers who experienced something similar?

[Chinafish]

Agree with everything the mighty Streetbob says. I hope you did do the simple reply. If its a reach out then don't ignore it

[Chinafish]

Thinking about this I would do a silly answer, something like " oh yes sorry, I meant to send the gorilla suit to jeff instead

Whether she's reaching out or not, you might as well take this opportunity to make her smile while she thinks of you.

[Kaytie]

I would personally ignore it. NC was NC to me when my ex left. She attempted to contact me three times within the first 18 months but I ignored her. I saw her in person once in a crowd and also ignored her then.

 

However, in my case, I knew she wanted to be friends and I wasn't interested. I was completely indifferent to her by that point. If someone was toxic to you, then definitely ignore.

[Maroon]

Thinking about this I would do a silly answer, something like " oh yes sorry, I meant to send the gorilla suit to jeff instead

Whether she's reaching out or not, you might as well take this opportunity to make her smile while she thinks of you.

 

Nice idea Chinafish!

 

Yes, I pretty much followed the advice although not the exact same words. And yes, NC continues.

[mhowe]

The concept here was to just reply. Not try and engage in a conversation/texting session.

 

If she, the person who walked away --- wants to "reach out", she needs to try harder and with a more authentic opening.

 

Well done Maroon. NC continues....

[Streetbob]

I would personally ignore it. NC was NC to me when my ex left. She attempted to contact me three times within the first 18 months but I ignored her. I saw her in person once in a crowd and also ignored her then.

 

However, in my case, I knew she wanted to be friends and I wasn't interested. I was completely indifferent to her by that point. If someone was toxic to you, then definitely ignore.

 

I guess you do what you feel is right within your own set of circumstances. One of the things that I have tried to do beyond the break up is to be a more understanding, decent person. I might not have been so in the past but I really don't want to carry grudges and anger. To me, a simple, polite reply allows you to rise above.

 

SB

[Maroon]

I would personally ignore it. NC was NC to me when my ex left. She attempted to contact me three times within the first 18 months but I ignored her. I saw her in person once in a crowd and also ignored her then.

 

However, in my case, I knew she wanted to be friends and I wasn't interested. I was completely indifferent to her by that point. If someone was toxic to you, then definitely ignore.

 

Hi Kaytie! Thanks for the insight.

 

If you felt that your ex was trying to engage you in order to reconcile, would you have engaged her?

[Kaytie]

I guess you do what you feel is right within your own set of circumstances. One of the things that I have tried to do beyond the break up is to be a more understanding, decent person. I might not have been so in the past but I really don't want to carry grudges and anger. To me, a simple, polite reply allows you to rise above.

 

SB

 

Trust me, I am not angry, bitter or carry any grudges at all. Our break up was amicable and we split after 12 years. For me indifference is freeing - I do not wish her any harm or malice, but I also do not stay connected to exes. Those are my boundaries.

[Kaytie]

Hi Kaytie! Thanks for the insight.

 

If you felt that your ex was trying to engage you in order to reconcile, would you have engaged her?

 

Not in my case, no. She left me rather suddenly (announced it after work one day and left that night) and never gave me a real explanation of why she left. We were both unhappy in the relationship and it was best we parted, so no, I wouldn't have engaged her.

 

Now if she said her mother was ill or something of that sort I would have likely offered support. But I knew she was trying to establish a friendship and 1. I like ties severed with exes and 2. I wouldn't have been ready for that anyway at that point.