TopFive Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Okay, so I have this friend who is fine as hell! We've known each other for some years and have some very nice conversation. She's perfect. Has a CRAZY body, pretty face and a wonderful personality to go along with it. But of course there are a few things holding me back from trying to push the issue of us possibly being more than friends some day. The only problem is I think she is one of those girls who are in the "I don't do black guys" category. I hate this!!! Who cares what color someone is? I'm a good guy and I KNOW she thinks I'm handsome! Anyway, the other problem is that i'm in Oklahoma at school until November We talk all the time now and tweet eachother on twitter. I just want to press the issue a little bit, but i don't know how. This girl would DEFINITELY make me let go of my ex for good! She's just that special. I just don't know what to do. Anyone have any ideas? I mean it wouldn't hurt to try. I have nothing to lose at this point. Link to comment
camus154 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Is there a reason you think she'd turn you down because you're black? My advice--ask her out. The best way out of the friend zone is to make it clear you're after more than friends. Link to comment
TopFive Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 Well I've never seen her with a black guy and a few years ago my friend told me she said something on the lines of, "I could never date a black guy and bring home a black baby." That stuff just really bothers me because I don't discriminate at all. And I'd ask her out, but she's back home in Jersey and in in Oklahoma. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Well I've never seen her with a black guy and a few years ago my friend told me she said something on the lines of, "I could never date a black guy and bring home a black baby." That stuff just really bothers me because I don't discriminate at all. And I'd ask her out, but she's back home in Jersey and in in Oklahoma. Now why in the world would you want to ask someone out if she truly said that? Link to comment
Angler Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Not being attracted to people based on their race isn't racist. I don't find black girls attractive. Having preferences is not racism. The baby comment is really bad, though. Link to comment
TopFive Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 guynextdoorI feel like young women say things that they don't mean. And I don't think she's ever been with someone my skin color. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Not much you can do other than learn a lesson for the next girl. Don't start friendships with women you're interested in - be clear about your romantic interest from the start. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 If she truly felt that way, why would you want to pursue her? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I tend to be attracted to white guys of a certain "type" - body type, etc. That is what I seem to be wired for. When I am walking down the street and a guy turns my head, more often than not, they are of this particular type. That doesn't mean I will never date a black guy - but that guy has to meet me in a setting that isn't just walking down the street. I would have to know him in some other way (classmates, volunteer together, etc) to be able to get on my radar. I think that would even go for me for guys who were white and not the age group i normally like, or some other factor that would normally at first take them out of consideration. I think that you should have a talk with your friend about her statements. "Hey, I remembered you said you would never date black guys and have black babies - what if you met someone who - say for instance you liked him as much as you like ME as a friend and he had a similar background - and everything else was good, but Mr. Right was black. Would you still feel that way?" She may pick up on the subtext that you are meaning YOU and not a for instance about some fictional man, or she may think you are being totally hypothetical. Remember, you aren't asking her to have your babies right now, you are trying to feel out if she was really sincere in what she said first. Of course, she could say "yes i would" and not want to date YOU individually but you never know. There may be a certain point where you have to break off the friendship if you have attraction and she never returns it. See if her answer fits your criteria. in the meantime, i would also work on getting over your ex so that whoever you are with next doesn't get you over her, that you do. And I WOULD wait for anything more than just hypotheticals until you see eachother again - which will be soon. Also, are there other things that would take you out of consideration for her besides ethnicity - such as drug use, being way younger than her, being the ex of her cousin or otherwise making you totally off limits? Link to comment
duke nukem Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I tend to be attracted to white guys of a certain "type" - body type, etc. That is what I seem to be wired for. When I am walking down the street and a guy turns my head, more often than not, they are of this particular type. That doesn't mean I will never date a black guy - but that guy has to meet me in a setting that isn't just walking down the street. I would have to know him in some other way (classmates, volunteer together, etc) to be able to get on my radar. I think that would even go for me for guys who were white and not the age group i normally like, or some other factor that would normally at first take them out of consideration. This too. People are hard wired to be attracted to people that look and behave similar to them. It varies by how much between people, but it isn't really possible to force yourself to be attracted to something you're not. Heck, some women on here have said they aren't attracted to guys who have large muscles, so it could be anything. It's not always racism or other forms of cognitive prejudice, and I hope it isn't the case here. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Well, i guess it couldn't hurt simply to ask her out. But, if she really said those things, you're better off without her. I'm not sure if race preference for potential mates is "racist" but I do know a lot of people that would prefer to stay with their own race if only for cultural reasons (particularly asians). The baby comment is bad, but people often want their children to look like them. I have 4 kids, and brown eyes. Only 1 child ended up with brown eyes. I won't deny it helped me bond with her more. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I think that you have to face that fact, if she just likes you as a friend that means that she has no romantic interest in you. She may think your attractive but it means that she doesnt want to date you. Whether that is because of your race or that is because she doesnt like the way you [insert some random fact]. You cannot convince her that she is all of a sudden attracted to you and wants to date you. Link to comment
Steve55 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Is there a reason you think she'd turn you down because you're black? My advice--ask her out. The best way out of the friend zone is to make it clear you're after more than friends. I'll agree, but with a caveat..Making it clear MIGHT get you out of the friendzone, but it could also verify that is where she sees you. It is the only way to find out for certain. My advice: ask her, but be prepared for that she may say all she wants to be is friends. I hope that's not the case. Trust me on this one...Been there, done that, several times. Always hurts like crazy for a while, but then, if you get the answer you want, it's great. Link to comment
TopFive Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 I'm just gonna go for it guys because we've been texting alot and every time i tweet something on twitter she is right on it. For istance, just now i tweeted "For the first time in a few years...i have a crush on someone." Not even a minute later she replys with, "Aww you flatter me and we've been going back and forth flirting. I'm just gonna go for it! Link to comment
Vaglar Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Go for it!! I'm also confessing tonight to my friend haha. Let's see how it goes! Link to comment
Steve55 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I'm just gonna go for it guys because we've been texting alot and every time i tweet something on twitter she is right on it. For istance, just now i tweeted "For the first time in a few years...i have a crush on someone." Not even a minute later she replys with, "Aww you flatter me and we've been going back and forth flirting. I'm just gonna go for it! Sounds promising. Not to throw a wet blanket on this, but my last experience with this was similar. I told a female friend (known her for over 6 years now) that I have cared for her a lot for a long time and she replied, " I'm really flattered." We're still close friends and I still have strong feelings for her, but I really don't know at this point if she has changed her feelings. She has gotten closer, but who knows. In any case, your mileage may differ...I hope so! I'll keep a good thought for you. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Go for it. Hope it works out, but if not at least you won't have any regrets. That would be the worst. Link to comment
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