Was I rude?

[blackgnat]

I have recently moved into an apartment. The guy who owns the house (I live in the attic of his house) is someone I work with, and we have a good relationship.

 

His son had a birthday party this weekend. They were expecting about 100 people. I said it was okay for them to use my fridge and freezer to store the food for the party.

 

When he originally invited me I said No. They are Mexican and my Spanish is not very good. I didn't know anyone who was coming. I thought it would be better to spend my evening at a friend's house. He kept on asking why I wasn't going to go and I'd say Because.... then his girlfriend came upstairs to my apartment and brought the little boy (he is 5) and they gave me an invitation. I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and I said yes. Who can resist a 5 year old? I asked them what I should get him as a gift and they suggested I buy the birthday cake. I said ok. I ordered and paid for the cake they wanted. It cost $40.

 

I still really didn't want to go, but thought I would put in an appearance and thats what I did. I drove to pick up the cake, as the party was in full swing and as he was the host I thought I was doing him a favor. I then had some food and a beer. I sat for about 30 minutes, alone, NOBODY TALKED TO ME and I didn't feel my Spanish was good enough to try to make small talk with total strangers. I felt totally rejected and uncomfortable.

 

I then went upstairs to my apartment and got changed out of my party dress, put on some casual clothes and went to my friend's house, where I spent the night. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving but didn't think it was important as nobody knew me anyway. I couldn't wait to get away and didn't think I would be missed.

 

So this morning his girlfriend comes upstairs and gets some of the food out of my fridge-not all of it-***? Then she says in Spanish, "Hey, drunk!" as if thats what I am....She asked where I was and where I had gone and how they were looking for me and couldn't find me when they were doing the cake thing. That had been at 10pm and I had left at about 8:30. She said she had had two coronets (don't know what this is or what the significance of it was) one for me and one for her. I said I was sorry but that I didn't know anyone and so just left for my friend's house. She kind of seemed okay with it and then invited me down to eat with them but I was going out.

 

I saw him and he seemed a little frosty towards me, where normally he is super friendly. When I came back from my errands I pulled in to the driveway. He was standing in the garage with a friend. As soon as I got out of my car, he went into the house, without looking, smiling, saying hi.

 

I am really upset by this turn of events. I really didn't know that anything was expected of me. I;m just the tenant -not even a family member! I was honestly in agony at having to sit alone, nobody acknowledging me and having to look like it was all okay.

 

So, was I rude? Was my leaving construed as a personal insult to him? To his little boy? To his gf? I'm not a rude person, I just really felt like I'd been coerced into going in the first place and I DID show up. With a cake!

 

I really don't want to have a bad relationship with them especially him, as we work together. Was what I did so wrong? I really don't want to have to talk to him about it, but I can't bear the being ignored bit, if that's what he is going to do..

 

Advice, Please?

[NewStarkHunter]

Well, in my opinion you weren't rude, it's a bit much to expect of a tenant. However, I can see that maybe they've taken your leaving as a rejection of them trying to include you as part of their family. You probably should have told them you were leaving, or found an excuse why you needed to leave so at least it seemed legit for you taking off. I can only suggest you make the effort to speak with him and explain that you appreciate their inviting you, you felt uncomfortable and didn't want to ruin the party by telling them you were unhappy and bringing the mood down. if he's a nice guy, I'm sure he'll get it. But, that's just my opinion.

[confused1979]

No you were not rude We have all been to those parties where you do not know anyone. I have been in the same situation, standing around not knowing anyone. I think most times I have found the host and told them that I was leaving. In your situation, if his family was so keen to have you there, they should of made an effort to speak or introduce you to people. Don't stress too much about it, i am sure things will be ok once you talk to him

[DN]

What you should have done when leaving, as a matter of simple courtesy, was to have sought out the host, thanked him for the invitation and excused yourself.

 

However, as a good host he should have made provision for making sure you were welcomed and included.

[Fudgie]

I think they were the rude ones here. You bought them a $40 cake and they don't even bother to come up and talk to you at the party, even just to say hi? And then when you feel rejected and leave, they give you the cold shoulder and call you a "drunk"?

 

Let them sulk. I would have left early too. I would think twice about doing things for these people in the future. They don't sound very gracious or thankful. I would be very miffed if I spent $40 on a cake for a kid I didn't even know, and then was left totally alone at some party without being talked to.

[blackgnat]

It was awkward because I live in the house where the party was at. I felt that if I had said I was leaving they might have persuaded me to stay and I REALLY didn't want that.

 

Should I talk to the host and apologise for leaving? I don't want him to be mad at me, I just wanted to disappear with the minimum amount of attention drawn to me. Nobody was aware that I was even there, anyway! Why would it have mattered whether I was there or not?

 

I'm really upset by the way this turned out.

[Fudgie]

See if maybe you could come up with an excuse as to why you left early? Like maybe say that you had a friend who wasn't feeling well and you needed to go see them? It's better to tell a little lie like that to an acquaintance other than "Your party was boring and I felt rejected so I left." I would definitely say a little lie and apologize for leaving early, if you see them again.

 

You really did nothing wrong here. They did.

[Natasha24]

You weren't rude - but the host is.

 

I would try talking to him. Just say something like "Hey, sorry for leaving early the other night. I stayed and had some food, but then I went to my friends place". You don't have to explain why you left. You had no obligation to stay - you didn't have an obligation to even go or buy the cake. He should be thanking you, not giving you the cold shoulder.

[diamond78]

I do agree that you should have politely excused yourself from the party. When I know I will be attending a party that I don't really want to go to...I always give the heads up that I have to leave at a certain time due to a prior engagement. That way it makes my exit a lot easier and it's already expected so there's no issue or drama about it.

 

But I also want to say this...I thought that them suggesting you pay for their's son birthday cake was HIGHLY inappropriate! They shouldn't even care that you left earlier after doing something so over-the-top and nice for them. They should be a bit more gracious and appreciative.

[diamond78]

It was awkward because I live in the house where the party was at. I felt that if I had said I was leaving they might have persuaded me to stay and I REALLY didn't want that.

 

Should I talk to the host and apologise for leaving? I don't want him to be mad at me, I just wanted to disappear with the minimum amount of attention drawn to me. Nobody was aware that I was even there, anyway! Why would it have mattered whether I was there or not?

 

I'm really upset by the way this turned out.

 

If you talk to him, just say that it was a bit awkward for you because you didn't know anyone and no one engaged in conversation with you, so you felt it might be better to just go by your friend as you had originally planned. You can also mention that you didn't say anything because you didn't want anyone to make a fuss/big deal over you leaving as you didn't want to interrupt the flow of the party.

[confused1979]

You seem like a nice person but try not to let it eat you up. Often we make little things like this bigger than they are. I would just let it be unless he says something to you But like I said before you were not rude Gee sometimes I just do not go to parties for the reasons you were apprehensive, at least you went

[blackgnat]

Thanks for the replies.

 

It IS eating me up, so I called him and he didn't answer. I left a voicemail saying I hadn't meant to be rude by not telling them I was leaving. I left the following part out of my original post.... I had an emergency-this was true.-My son had gone to the ER that day and they released him at just about the time I was due to pick up the cake. I had to pick up my son and also get some food and a prescription for him. He and I actually picked up the cake and then I dropped him off at his place, before returning to the party with the cake. I even called them from the pharmacy (didn't tell them the reason) and said that I was running a little late and was that ok?

 

I also said I didn't think anyone would really notice especially as I didn't know anyone there.

 

Man, the more I type this, the more I seem like a total doormat. I really would have liked to see the little boy blow out the candles but i couldn't tell when that would be and I sure as hell didn't want to keep waiting around for that. As it turned out, I would have had to wait another 90 minutes after I left for that to happen. Can you imagine prolonging the agony? I REALLY would have had to drink a lot to loosen my inhibitions....and I didn't want that. As it happens the gf accused me of being drunk when I wasn't!

 

Ack!