johnyblaze Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Me and my wife have been together for seven years. We have a 2 year old daughter. She is mostly happy with her life, but im starting to hate mine. Are all you guys stuck in a boring marriage? Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Me and my wife have been together for seven years. We have a 2 year old daughter. She is mostly happy with her life, but im starting to hate mine. Are all you guys stuck in a boring marriage? No generally speaking men do better in marriage than women I think. Seven years is a long time, and I do think it is unrealistic to thing that things won't change, you are not the same person you were when you were first married so it is unrealistic to think that your marriage should be the same. What is it exactly that you hate about your marriage? What can you do as a single guy that you can't as a married guy? What do you want out of the marriage? I don't see anything wrong about asking these questions, relationships are dynamic they grow and change. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 What is specifically wrong about it? Link to comment
Blue92 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Whatever it is, talk to your wife about the issues. If you are bored in the marriage then I am guessing it is lacking physically? Perhaps, you need to spend more time with your wife... talk to her and compromise. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 While my probkem is everything i do and watch is for her. Every vacation is for her. She gets presents i get laid if im lucky. She doesnt want to go out unless its to shop or drag me to something i hate. Thats what i meant is... Do all marriages cater to women? Sure seems that way Link to comment
tatis Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Boy…if you fell bored after 7 years , what can I say after 25? All in all, that depends mostly of her personality and yours. Every person is different and so is every marriage too. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'll admit, us women do like our pampering! lol But, that doesn't mean your wife can't cater to you sometimes, also. Tell her you want her to do some of the things you would like to do. And, that she's hogging up all the fun in the marriage! You should not have to be dragged along like some human puppet; you're a man and you're not made out of wood without wants and feelings of your own (even though you guys like to deny them and it would sure make things a lot easier for us women lol). Anyway, marriage should be an equal partnership and if your wife is neglecting your wants and needs, you need to kindly let her know what she can start doing for you. Compromise! Link to comment
Pinnacle Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Me and my wife have been together for seven years. We have a 2 year old daughter. She is mostly happy with her life, but im starting to hate mine. Are all you guys stuck in a boring marriage? What's the problem? I could say I hate life too but I would be saying that because job prospects suck for everyone, CPI index climbs higher, and wages are stagnated. You are telling us that life sucks because...? No generally speaking men do better in marriage than women I think. You sir, are one smart thinker. Care to elaborate? Link to comment
cocoon2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 i think u should know that there is a big difference between intimate relation vs living together!...intimate relation is about love, diversity, differences, falling for each other, growth and evolution and takes lots of courage and faith.. but living together is about similarity, security, fear and living our comfort zone and is boring and addictive...Which one u guys are living? Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 You know exactly what im talking about. Any advice for me? She always tells me... Example- go out saturday, but on saturday i gotta take her to walmart, cook, bath the kid ...etc. Certaintly dont mind helping, but she feels i must do it all because she needs a break from motherhood, but no breaks for this guy. Lol thanks for any input Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 To cocoon2012 were definitely living together, and that seems to be about it. Good point Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 While my probkem is everything i do and watch is for her. Every vacation is for her. She gets presents i get laid if im lucky. She doesnt want to go out unless its to shop or drag me to something i hate. Thats what i meant is... Do all marriages cater to women? Sure seems that way This is a very legit complaint. I think the first thing you need to do is open a line of communication with your wife. The key is to not get angry or blame her. Something like, "Hey could we talk? I have been feeling really down lately and I wanted to talk to you about it." Then, "I think it would help if you joined me doing (insert several activities you enjoy). Maybe we could swap planning events, you plan the first thing we do in the month, I'll plan the second. etc" Now, if she just brushes you aside and makes no effort to chance then you need to be a bit more blunt with her. And, no, not all marriage are like this. But all marriages do go through rough patches. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Also, does she work? Or is she a stay at home mom? I ask because I just found this: link removed The very last line of the article: "link removed says stay-at-home moms juggle 94 hrs. of work a week. Their total salary estimation equals $112,962." Link to comment
Blue92 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Motherhood doesn't mean that you don't work any less than she does. You need at least one day to rest yourself. How about this new example: Make Saturday either leftover or take out night so you don't have to cook. You can take her to Walmart during the day, but she has to bathe the kid at night when u can get some downtime or go out with friends... something like that. Be creative. It's not fair that you aren't getting enough of a break yourself. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 My wife was working nights while i did days. She is back at home now. I know her days are tough but im up at 4:30 and when i get home shes off duty. I will try to talk to her but she doesnt listen. Every time i try to communicate im shut out. It always ends like" fine leave us then and have fun your life is so bad whatever" then silence. Not the best feeling to feel guilty when im trying to enjoy myself Link to comment
Blue92 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Hmmm.... maybe you can ask family members or hire a baby sitter to help with the kid some nights so you can relax or go out. That aside, you need to make sure your wife knows that you work a long day too and need some rest. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Agreed thanks for the advice. Not complaining about work but i work 6 days a week 10 hour days as a boss at a stressful job. Find myself sitting in the parking lot to relax before entering my homd more and more lol Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Agreed thanks for the advice. Not complaining about work but i work 6 days a week 10 hour days as a boss at a stressful job. Find myself sitting in the parking lot to relax before entering my homd more and more lol I think both you and your wife are over-stressed. As a stay at home mom she is doing (depending on the study you use) 80-90 hours of work a week, you are doing 60 plus whatever your commute is. I agree with getting a baby-sitter. Maybe take the time the baby-sister is there to go to a therapist with your wife to try and work out these issues. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 agreed that if you can afford it, getting a baby sitter would be a good step so you and your wife and go and enjoy life a little. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 So are you going to take on the "second wife" which you talk about in your other thread (seeing as you say you like her more than your wife)? Just curious. Also, if you are so unhappy in your marriage, have you considered marriage counselling to help you two get over this hurdle? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Marriages just dont 'happen' they take work, effort, compromise. heartfelt discussions....life is what you make it, so is a marriage. If your unhappy talk to her and tell her. Or go to marriage counselling. In my family everyone I know has been married pretty much 20+ years and they are all very happy, but they make it work in there own ways. My parents are very romantic, loving to eachother still but it works because they also know how to laugh, how to argue and how to forgive. My aunt and uncle are opposite, not romantic or seem like they love eachother very much but they are still close in there own way and her husband would do ANYTHING for her cos he adores her. You just need a serious talk about how your feeeling. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 I have tried to talk to her about compromise, but to no avail. I tried the" can we have a talk" approach. She got mad as always saying why dont you leave us if your so bored...etc. I ended up apologizing to her after my silent treatment. I give up. New plan, im booking days off work and going out for fun without her knowing. Or get a hotel and relax.lol thanks everyone. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 No gave up on the 2nd wife approach. Although last time i saw the friend i got more hugs and kisses than in my last 4 years of marriage. I would love to leave my wife for her friend. She is very loving and i missed that but my daughter comes first. Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 This last message was to respond to capricorn3 Link to comment
johnyblaze Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Thought id let you all know my wife has finally comprimised and agreed to work with me on our marriage. I have 3 days a week to go to the gym and we have spiced up our sex life. I used advice posted to sit her down and talk. After a few fights and misunderstandings she finally got the message. Were doing pretty good now thanxs all Link to comment
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