Love With Best Friend

[RealCity19]

Well I have been best friends with a girl for over 3 years. We have known each other for over 7 years and are in our late 20s. Up until recently we were attached at the hip. We did everything together. We were always 100% brutally honest with one another in relationships and always said I love you and I miss you etc. We were in a relationship practically, without the title. She helped me get over a recent break up and we did end up sleeping together and did so for about 10 months. During that time she fell in love with me and I was naive. She called me her soulmate, her rock, her best friend, her everything. I kept telling her no that I did not want to lose our friendship. Well I began dating another girl, she was hurt but I have always been truthful with her and told her everything. I literally don't know if I ever have told her a lie.

 

As I started dating this girl she started seeing another guy. We grew apart a bit and missed each other a ton. Finally one day it came to me that I was in love with her. I realized my new relationship was frustrating and I was not happy. I realized I hadn't been happy since I had my best friend. Everywhere I went I wished my best friend were there. I realized she was in fact my soulmate, my rock, my best friend, my everything. It was something I had to tell her. I got the balls to tell her that I loved her and ended the new relationship I was in. She said she was confused for over 3 months but continued to date the new guy.

 

About 3 months ago she decided she wanted to be with the new guy. I made some dumb begging mistakes in the process etc but we have been in some sort of contact the whole time. During that time she said she still thinks of the possibility of us being together and that her lift is incomplete without me. We do however share all of the same mutual friends and they have all told both of us that we are meant to be together. The advice I was getting from them was to let her go, that she needs to realize if she loves you on her own. In total, it's been 6 months and just over this past weekend I decided I needed to remove myself from her life. She means the world to me and I want to marry the girl, but I could not sit there and pretend to be her friend when I wanted more. I asked her if we could have lunch and she agreed, so I just picked something up and brought it to her place. We hadn't seen each other in a while so we spent much of lunch catching up and it was like nothing had ever changed. She at one point said she just missed sitting in beach chairs just the two of us talking. That she misses my family who she was very close with and hopes she can keep a relationship with them. There were still pictures of us in the main room and kitchen and still things lying around that were mine.

 

As I was about to leave, I decided I needed to say my piece. I got up the courage and told her there was no easy way to say it but I needed to say good bye. I started crying in the process as I am who I am, but she continued the conversation for about 30 mins. She kept asking why it has to be this way and why there has to be an ultimatum. I told her I simply loved her too much and being her friend hurt too much when all I wanted to do is be with her. She balled at one point and said she was so mad at me but ran over to me for a big hug. She said she didn't want to lose her best friend, that she would give me space to rethink this, etc. I told her that was not the point. I looked her in the eye and told her I loved her, and I wanted to marry her, and the situation was just too hard. She said she could not give me what I wanted right now. I told her I couldn't be friends with her one last time and we hugged again. As I was walking out I looked back one last time and told her I loved her and she said I love you back, then I walked out. I have not heard from her since.

 

Her birthday is coming up and I had already had a gift being shipped to her, but would it be inapprpriate not to tell her happy birthday on the actual date if I am trying to be very strict with this?

 

Truth of the matter is I had no desire to do this. Was it the right thing? Has anyone ever had a similar situation where you had to let go of your best friend and the single person you love in your life more than anything?

[csr14]

Oh wow, this makes me sad for you. So from what I understand she's in a relationship now? She isn't doing you or the guy she is with right if she is in fact with someone else. Really, as much you would love for her to have the gift, I wouldn't send the gift if it isn't too late and I wouldn't tell her happy birthday because it will make it too much where you want a reply and I think based on the way she is you would get it but it would start this whole vicious cycle for you over again. I don't understand this because she seems to want you and the only thing holding her back is her but she may be playing you in a way. Sometimes guys get so stuck in the "friend-zone" that you can't get them out even though you try. You love them so much, you can't imagine life without them but there is just too much platonic love there for you to see them differently and this may be the case. You seem like a great guy and a sweetie and even though you weren't recently together getting over her will be hard. And I even bet after some times passes you can again have a friendship with her (I'm talking possibly years) but right now, you need to be very strict with no contact to protect yourself because she doesn't seem to respect the feelings you have for her and the pain that she causes with the sweet words. Best of luck to you

[abitbroken]

I honestly think you should have reviewed when you were sleeping with her "I don't want to lose the friendship" was a bigger concern rather than "wow, this is a great relationship - she was my best friend, now she is my best everything." When you were with her, you didn't see that you were in a great relationship. It seems like you had it all but your mind couldn't reclassify her.

 

I think that the reason she can't give you everything is because you dropped her for another girl. And now you are playing the game that she has to "realize for herself that she loves you."

 

I don't know if this could be salvaged. How can you say she is the one you loved the most, but treated her like that?

 

You have to decide what you want. It seems the ball is in her court and you should not contact her at all - no gift, nothing. The only thing that you should do is if you TRULY are meaning the gift as a gesture that you still want to marry her. But you can't do that unless she is not seeing anyone. I think that maybe in the end you should let her be, as it would interfere with her relationship for you to send a gift perhaps. Do your best to heal. Maybe someday she'll heal and contact you, but I wouldn't wait. Do your best to move forward.

[RealCity19]

I will say again I hid nothing from her. I told her I know I hurt her feelings. I told her it was 100% my fault and that I did not realize how good I had it. I told her if I could change the past I would but that I can not, but could only show her in the future. We are brutally honest with each other and are always able to accept responsibility for wrongdoings. I know I was wrong at times.

[annie24]

It sounds like you think the grass is always greener. If you did get her back, I almost guarantee you would lose interest again. I don't blame her for sticking with the new guy.