boyfriends constant mood swings...

[cutelittlechef]

one minute my boyrfirend will say he loves me with all his heart and he'll hold me and just be wonderfull.. the next moment he will be yelling at me, pushing me out of bed, telling me that i don't give him enough. what should i do? i don't want to let him to certain things to me that he wishes, but he makes me feel soooo bad when he pushes me away after that. He gets in these moods.. he called me fake, a b*tch, mommy's girl, immature, 4th grader,. 12 year old, and many more things. he always says sorry afterwards, btu it really hurts. ui often find myself crying on the middle of the day.. he says were going to be together forever and he says that i dont trust him sense i wont give him any. he has had sex with 2 other girls and he has a lot more experience than me, whose had no onther boyfriends beofre. im scared, sad and confused. i dont know half of the stuff that he says he wants to do. he says i dont understand and thaat he spends all his money to see me and i dont even pay him back. he says he has so much stress and he needs me to release it... oh my.. what should i do?

[rvr350]

It seems that you need to communicate with your bf more. A lot of times stress can be created when 2 person doesn't communicate well enough, then a barrier is created. You should spend time, tell him in plain english, what you want in this relationship, what you offer, and what you can't. Tell him you're not ready for intimacy, and you're feeling very bad everytime he talks bad things about you. You deserve to be treated better than that, if he abuses you verbally constantly. You have to know what you want, and let him know. Try to be more logical and let your friends that know you both be a judge, see what their advices are. Your friends are probably more objective, since sometimes we can be blinded when we're in an intense relationship. Hope that helps.

[Nothingelsematters]

screw communication, just from what ive heard i think this relasionship is lost, if he cant understand you, and refuses to listen, always pushing for more he only wants you for one reason, i think you know what that is.

No matter how much he says he loves you, see where it leads, does he say i love you and i want to show you how? or does he say i love you and i want you to be happy no matter what, tell me why your sad and ill do everything i can to change your mood.

Money is not a substitute for love, think, what kind of girl gives more for money, isnt that the basis of that argument, think what does he really see in you?

You need to realize that you have control in this relasionship, just as much as he does, if he cant understand that he isnt getting sex than you need to leave him, only give what you want to give, if you dont want more than what youve given than he should know and RESPECT that, if he doesnt then he doesnt than he doesnt respect you. Its hard but its true, someone once said tell all the truth but tell it slant, this isnt a time for that, tell him straight whats going on, if he wont understand LEAVE HIM! you can ~

[SwingFox]

Hi cutelittlechef,

 

The basis of your sadness looks indeed miscommunication. I also have doubts wether this guy is really accepting you for who you are and what you can give to him. My question to you is: "Are you willing to stay in a relationship with him like that?" It makes you feel confused and it makes you feel bad and neglected. Is that really fair towards you?

 

My suggestion is to talk to him, like nothingelsematters suggested. Explain to him that indeed he has to have more patience and that you are not ready for the intimacy that he's thinking of. Especially when you still are a virgin, you want 'your first time' being very special. I am worried that it is not going to be special with him, since he is pushing you for all this already.

 

I hope this helps you in making the right decisions that work for you and I wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Tellin It Like It Is]

Hi, it's me again, I'm new to this, so forgive me if I seem insistant, but your second posting (this one I am replying too) interested me. Please really listen to me. I'm 28. I have had about a dozen girl friends get messed up with guys who are abusive. Physically. They all started with just "little things". Hollaring. Shoving. Throwing things. Then, ALWAYS, it got worse. ONE KEY CLUE to someone becoming abusive is behavior like you described. This person you are with, really likes to feel in control, so he says these mean things because he KNOWS it makes you feel little, and if you feel little, he can feel big. YUCK. My good friend Katie in High School at 18 was shot in the head and killed by her boyfriend who she was fighting with. You absolutely MUST NOT accept that anyone treat you in this manner. I know about a million guys in California that would bow down at your feet and read you 246 pages of Shakespear while holding on to your angelic ankles with gratitude. F**K this guy. Put some Nair in his shampoo and be done with his @ss.

[acuratwinz]

I agree drop the man. Don't take that from him. It's not mood swings he's having. Those emotions are purposeful, they have an objective.

 

Like the poster above says, he wants to make you feel small, lose self esteem so that he can take control of your life. He needs it because inside he's so insecure about himself.

 

Drop him like a used tissue.

 

It's the best thing you can do for yourself. I know it's harder said than done, but you have to try. He will not change unless he really wants to, and if he's already being abusive to you, he will not change without professional help.