There is no "Getting back together again"

[Exocet]

To all of you who have lost a loved one, either by your own doing or the other party's doing, here is one universal truth: Never get back together.

 

There are many reasons but I will not list all of them out here, because what is logic when dealing with affairs of the heart?

 

You have had the chance to be together. You have spent happy times, good times, sad times, bad times. When two people separate, the past is all that remains. The top reason why anyone would want to get back together with the ex is because he/she cannot handle the sudden loss of companionship, and wants to relive the past. We desperately cling on to it, like a drowning man clinging on to anything that happens to float.

 

Isn't the future worth more? Why throw away the future for a few scraps of the sorrowful past?

[JohnnyTable]

What if two people break up because of a reason that is not solvable at the time, but becomes solvable in the future?

 

I don't have this situation, I'm just curious.

[guy40az]

Most of the time you should not get back together. I don't think you can say never get back together. In some situations I think you can get back together and make it work, not in my case but in some.

[Exocet]

Either the problem is solvable now, or it will never be. As far as relationship problems are concerned, that is. The problem with us humans is that we often think a solution to a problem must result in net happiness. However if a couple really cannot get along then a separation is a legitimate solution isnt it?

 

What I meant to tell everyone is that instead of clinging on to the past, look forward to the future.

[JohnnyTable]

I understand what you are saying. I'm more thinking along the lines of problems that are not obvious and solve with time. For example if one person is travelling a lot for their job and they don't want to stop. Or if somebody is in college and they don't have time for the relationship that the other person requires. That sort of thing.

 

But in general, I agree that you should not get back together.

[Exocet]

Well JohnnyTable in both of the scenarios you mentioned, since one of the parties cannot commit enough into the relationship, I guess not being together is the best solution? There often has to be a compromise, and I don't think even time will solve these problems.

 

What if our travelling businessman, because of more work commitments, have to travel even further and more frequently? What if our promising college grad decides that studies are still more important and will stop at nothing to obtain that Ivy League scholarship?

[JohnnyTable]

What I am saying is that the sacrifices might be too great at the time. For example one cannot always quit their job in order to have the relationship survive and thus go bankrupt. The other person also may not be able to be with somebody who travels all the time because of what they need.

 

But two years down the road, the traveller might have a new career and a new outlook on life. They may be compatible with their ex.

 

This is all speculation. As I said before, I agree that you should not get back. You should look forward. If you can have a *new* relationship with your ex, then maybe that is possible.

[johnagent1911]

In theory this would be nice but it's too simple. For example say maybe you and your bestfriend get in to a fight over whatever it might be... Now you guys don't talk for a few months but that doesn't mean you'll NEVER talk to each other and NEVER work things out. Same with a girl. I think it depends on the issue. People break up all the time. Ever heard the line "nothing is forever"?

 

I'll have to agree with John

.

[trishcollins]

I read an interesting article not that long ago that said when two people split because of circumstances (age, timing, school, distance, etc.), they have a pretty good chance of reconciliation at some point, should those circumstances change. This included highschool lovers who were separated when they went to colleges in different cities, people who where unavailable for a relationship at the time, etc. They cited many cases of couples who split and many years later, reunited and were happy together again.

 

However, if the split is do to a change of feelings by either person, then chances of reconciliation are pretty much nill. This is especially true if the split was due to one partner having an affair (a real trust issue) or one person treating the other person badly (lots of hurt and resentment).

 

That is not to say that simply because the relationship ended due to circumstances, there is 100% chance of getting back together at some point. As my "ex" keeps saying, no one knows what the future holds. But, it just means if there were no real unlying problems with the relationship itself, just the situation made it impossible to be together at the time, then there is a better chance, then if you split because on person decided they "no longer felt the same way".

 

My situation is definitely circumstancial, but I can see that over time, feelings can change too, so it's not all that black and white. Anyway, you can waste a lot of energy hoping and praying you will get back together. In my own experience, it's a waste of time. Best to keep moving forward and get on with your life. If they come back at some point and you still want to be with them, that's great. But there are no guarantees, so why drive yourself crazy.

[nick_knock]

I think strong relationships that ended on unknown terms have a great chance of getting back together. My ex left me almost 4 months ago, for reasons that i do not know.. well i do, but they're just excuses. For example, "I like to get up and do things, not just sit at home" We were together for 4 years. Her reasons she gave me can be fixed so easily. I think my ex might be too shallow to tell me the real reason behind breaking up with me was because i put some weight on. I've since lost all the weight i put on, BUT, who knows. She's female, and i dont understand females.

[cmacey]

I'm really hoping my ex gets back together with me, I still think it's a possibility. We had absolutely not one single problem the whole time we were together until I moved to NY for law school and she stayed at our undergrad college. After a few weeks, she says she's not sure if she wants to marry me and she wants to be single and needs a break. Who knows, one day she might come back, but I agree that it's not likely in most situations, including mine. But there is always a slight chance.

 

Chris

[AznMonkey]

look, the best cure with a broke up is TIME!!!!!

 

TIME heal, TIME will help you throw this... i know, my gf left me 2 weeks ago.

 

My sister broke up with his bf and they came back together 10 months after and they will get marry next year.

 

Time is the only answer....... i'm not telling you to wait till she came back.

 

But to move on, do SPORT! i lost 25 pound in 2 weeks(she said i'm not attractive anymore)!

 

If you are to be together....time will do it! Take care of yourself and once she sees you more mature and moved on....jealousy will come and then...BANG! love is that the door! 8)

[AznMonkey]

by the way :

 

87% of couple that get married had broke up for 2 month in their early relation.

 

 

 

39% of couple that get back together after a broke up will broke up again.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

by the way :

 

87% of couple that get married had broke up for 2 month in their early relation.

 

 

 

39% of couple that get back together after a broke up will broke up again.

 

where did you get these facts. They don't seem right to me.

 

But I also disagree. Life isn't perfect, and sometimes circumstance can break too pepople up.

[trishcollins]

I'd like to know about these circumstances that separate people. Not long ago, I think someone trishcollins? said that she read an article on reconciliations being higher if there was some barrier at that point, but once it was fixed, that there was a high chance of the two people getting back together. I jusy found that interesting, so if I could get my hands/eyes on that article...

 

Hey there. The articles was in the local paper (The Ottawa Citizen) in the "lifestyle" section. It was in the last few months and was likely pulled from some other source, not done by a local reporter. I read the aritcle shortly after my bf and I split. I will try and find the source and post it. It may take me a couple of days -- I am in meetings all day tomorrow and have a new foal to look after.

[g44]

whatever has happened in the past, is in the past. the way your position can accross sounded 'closed' like you have already made up your mind before trying. so, you have already cancelled out one possible path. now, if a there was abuse or something horrible, then of course you don't go back. i think people tend to focus more on the negatives that come with an ending compared to the positives that come at the start. just think about someone you were with and how you felt at the beginning. i have learned that the best way to heal is to always stop judging others and focusing on what went wrong...instead of what went right. lets say u were with someone for 15 years and 14 were wonderful and 1 was bad...how do u let one cancel 14? just my take though.

 

stay kewl

[simon_uk]

People really shouldnt generalize about these things. No two situations are the same.

 

Sometimes there are valid reasons that people cant be together at a certain time but that may well change in the future.

 

I wont go into details or give specific examples but people will know if that is the case for them and their relationship.

 

Nothing is ever black and white, nothing is written in stone. Dont believe generalizations.

 

If you want hope that you may get back with your partner, sont let anybody tell you any different. If you want to think it is over and there is no going back. Dont let anybody tell you any different.

 

'Whether you think you can or you cant you are right"

 

Believe what you want to believe, nothing more nothing less.

 

You have the power, you know what is the truth.

[Snow Patrol]

Well put Simon. This is my take on it:

 

1)If a couple have had some serious problems in the relationship (ie cheating, abuse etc) then more often than not any chance of getting back together is slim and if they do give it a second chance it probably won't work.

 

2) When a couple break up because one person is confused about what the next step in their life will be and in general need to sort out their own issues (and the couple had a solid relationship prior to the break up) then with time the person who broke up and needed time can often sort out their problems and a second chance can often work. If not, the circumstances outside the relationship will be the cause of end of the relationship, not internal issues.

 

My situation falls under number 2), my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago because she didn't know whether she would be going abroad after she graduates and if she does move, she doesn't know for how long. She basically was confused in general and needs time to think things through.

[simon_uk]

Snow Patrol

 

My relationship ended two weeks ago also.

 

My girl was very confused about what she wanted. she told my sister she loved me the day before we broke up. Two days before that she was wanting to move in with me. A day after she thought things were moving too fast. She got scared, she scared herself. She left the relationships. She wants time alone.

 

In this situation I think it is 'possible' we could get back and live the dreams we talked about.

 

Would I take her back if she came back. Without doubt.

 

Nothing is black & white and you CANNOT generalize.

 

Good luck to you

 

And by the way, I agree with your points 1 & 2

 

Point 1. No going back

Point 2. There is a chance and it is worth another go

[Snow Patrol]

Good luck to you too. This is my first relationship and it was a serious one so I don't have a lot of knowledge/experience on why she just left me like that. She came to say goodbye to me before she left for university and she said sorry I just need time my life is a mess. I understand that, especiallly with an LDR she has too much on her mind right now to keep it going. All I know is that time will bring clarity to her and also to what is going to happen to us (I said take all the time you need but when you know for sure one way or the other please let me know which she agreed to do). I'm still holding out hope because that's the way I can keep going until there is closure or we are back together.

[Rickster]

I have to disagree with the thread starter. Nothing is impossible. I never exclude the possibilities of getting back together with my ex, and it would probably be my dream to do so.

 

What happens if somewhere down the line you grew to a different person, and your ex so happens to like you as this new person? Anything can happen. I was young and not mature enough to realize some things. But I think Im capable of dealing with such things now if I had another chance.

[BONO]

I have to disagree with the thread starter. Nothing is impossible. I never exclude the possibilities of getting back together with my ex, and it would probably be my dream to do so.

 

What happens if somewhere down the line you grew to a different person, and your ex so happens to like you as this new person? Anything can happen. I was young and not mature enough to realize some things. But I think Im capable of dealing with such things now if I had another chance.

 

Yep ! I seem to be back with my ex ??!! - She calls me her BF and buys me B'day gifts and we are off to a wedding in 3 weeks - so nothing is impossible.

 

 

Scruff

[Lealing]

Yep ! I seem to be back with my ex ??!! - She calls me her BF and buys me B'day gifts and we are off to a wedding in 3 weeks - so nothing is impossible.

 

 

Scruff

 

Well done Scruff. It's always nice to hear a happy ending!

[Rickster]

Yep ! I seem to be back with my ex ??!! - She calls me her BF and buys me B'day gifts and we are off to a wedding in 3 weeks - so nothing is impossible.

 

 

Scruff

 

Good Luck Scruff. I wish you all the best. Now I'm waiting for myturn

[Belgian girl]

Yep ! I seem to be back with my ex ??!! - She calls me her BF and buys me B'day gifts and we are off to a wedding in 3 weeks - so nothing is impossible.

 

 

Scruff

 

Yeah I'm happy for you as well, may it end so happy for others as well..