Friends Told my BF things about my EX!

[loveculture]

I can't even believe this happened. My bf and I went on a double date with my girlfriend and her bf.

 

Somehow my gf started talking about my ex! I tried to get her to stop. She called him horrible names because she hates him. Then she said that at the theatre where she works and sees him, everyone calls him a creeper because he is dating a 19 year old girl and brags about how he takes her to his storage unit to have sex and then her BF asked me if the storage unit thing is true because I had told my gf (in private another night) that my ex took me there to have sex too. So, now my bf knows that my ex took me to a storage unit to have sex sometimes. Then, they both told my bf he is way better looking than my ex. Then my gf made fun of my ex for falling off stage in this big costume he wore for a children's show and proceeded to show me and my bf the video and laugh about it. They even called him a diva and whiner because he whined about this big costume he had to wear for this show.

 

Basically, they discussed my ex and gave my current bf all these details he shouldn't have known and made my ex sound like a deadbeat and loser which really upsets me. It makes me feel like a loser for dating him and probably looks that way to my bf. My ex has had many exes and I have had only one and it is the guy my friends made fun of. He and I had dated for four years. I really want to cry about how now my current bf has nothing to be jealous or about with my past meanwhile i have to deal with all his pretty exes who he is still friends with. I really didn't want him knowing such awful things and my ex looking to him like a loser and deadbeat. It also reflects poorly on me. Also, my bf probably feels on top of the world for being told he is better looking than my ex. I am beside myself that this happened.

[mhowe]

Well, if your ex is a dead beat and a loser, there really isn't anything you can do about it. You can put lipstick on a pig ---it's still a pig.

 

For the future, tell you gf to stop talking about your past. You can't change it, but you don't have to review it.

 

As for your bf, he gets to think whatever he wants.

[camus154]

You seem more upset that your ex was made to look bad, and thus YOU look bad, rather than the fact that your boyfriend was put in this type of situation. You also seem awfully concerned about your boyfriend having more "ammunition" than you regarding past lovers.

 

In other words, you're worried about all the wrong things. I think you and your friends need a good deal of growing up.

[pinkelephant]

You seem more upset that your ex was made to look bad, and thus YOU look bad, rather than the fact that your boyfriend was put in this type of situation. You also seem awfully concerned about your boyfriend having more "ammunition" than you regarding past lovers.

 

In other words, you're worried about all the wrong things. I think you and your friends need a good deal of growing up.

 

Quoted for truth.

[guynextdoor]

You got some great friends there.. Look you need to stop bad mouthing about your ex's, its a bad reflection on you as well. 2ndly either you need to get new friends or teach them how to be respectful and not talk about your business in front of people, in this case your current bf.

[RFB]

Everyone has a bad ex. No reason to be embarressed about it. UNLESS you still have feelings for him. In which case you need to address that before you start dating.

[loveculture]

You got some great friends there.. Look you need to stop bad mouthing about your ex's, its a bad reflection on you as well. 2ndly either you need to get new friends or teach them how to be respectful and not talk about your business in front of people, in this case your current bf.

 

I did not take part in the bad mouthing but I didn't say anything nice about Ex either. I just kind of kept saying ok let's move on.

[loveculture]

You seem more upset that your ex was made to look bad, and thus YOU look bad, rather than the fact that your boyfriend was put in this type of situation. You also seem awfully concerned about your boyfriend having more "ammunition" than you regarding past lovers.

 

In other words, you're worried about all the wrong things. I think you and your friends need a good deal of growing up.

 

I apologized to my bf but he is very tough and he had no problems with what happened and explained that to me.

 

But I am now upset that he knows these details and not because it's ammunition against me no, but because he can think about these things and it will make him feel on top of the world and like he is a better bf than my ex and I don't know why but I'm worried this will make him put in less effort in the relationship. I worry about such things. Also, I just don't think it's fair that he doesn't have to look at my ex curious about our relationship with any small

jealousies anymore but i have to deal with all his exes and jealousies. I know that sounds so dumb to hear and say but it's how I feel. It makes me feel like I didn't date anyone for four years because my bf now thinks my ex is a huge loser and no competition if I ever see him meanwhile my ex is still friends with all his exes.

[EgoJoe]

I always find it ironic how Women can talk about how much they love their friends and we see it all over FB. But behind each other's backs and to each other's faces via passive aggression they can be so brutal to their so called "best friends"

 

Guys on the other hands make fun of each other's every flaw and even make up some to make fun of yet are unconditionally loyal and kind to their "best friends." Offering to loan each other money without being asked, watching out for each other's Mother if we run into them, ceasing the negative discourse in front of our elders and more are just a few examples.

 

Makes you think

 

My advice is to Find new friends, see a therapist and talk to your new boyfriend about your feelings but make sure you don't define reality via an emotional lense, smart guys will run away from that kind of mentality and I only mention this because your post permeates the vibe of it.

[notalady]

Those are very childish, immature reasons to be worried about. Let's see..

 

1) You are worried he feels on top of the world and that he is a better bf than your ex.

 

First of all I doubt he would feel "on top of the world" because of it, it would be as immature as your worries. Would he be feeling good about himself? Maybe. Why is that so bad? If he's not better than your ex then why aren't you with your ex and not him? Any right minded person would already know that.

 

I would like to think that I'm better than my bfs exes, wouldn't you like to be the best girl he's ever been with? So there's nothing wrong with feeling good about it. If he does decide to put in less effort because he thinks he has nothing to work for now then he is not the right guy for you. And it is wrong too because there is a whole world of guys out there you could be with, ie competition.

 

2) you think now there's nothing for him to be jealous about while implying you are still jealous of when he sees his exes.

 

Jealousy is a bad bad thing for a relationship. There is no need for jealousy and you don't need it to know if someone cares about you. Lack of jealousy in a good relationship indicates trust and feeling of security for each other.

 

If you want to make him jealous there are plenty other ways (plenty of other guys) some people perpetually flirt with others to make their partners jealous, to know that they care. Do it at your own peril as it guarantees will ruin the relationship.

 

Stop being jealous about his exes. If he liked them better he would have still been with them. And if he does want to be with his exes instead of you, then dump him. Simple.

 

All in all, this is not the type of "fairness" you should be worried about. It's power play and it doesn't do any good for you.

 

Also, don't feel embarrassed about having dated a loser, we all have. Misjudging someone doesn't mean you are bad too. Having dated a loser doesn't mean you are one, just like having dated someone that cheats on you doesn't make you a cheater. We all grow and learn from past mistakes.

 

Your bf's reaction seems mature enough. So you should get over it too. Talk to your gf about her blabbing mouth though lol.