Boyfriend has to be away a lot....

[csr14]

Ok my name is Heidi and my boyfriend's name is Robbie. I don't need hateful rude answers and I don't need to be criticized. I have a 4 year old named Anna and she will be mentioned on this too so - here goes. I have been with Robbie for two years now and we have been living together now for about a year. I am the custodial parent to my daughter Anna and just got out of a divorce about 3 years ago. Her father is still in her life and we get along fine. Robbie just got a new job back in April. When he got it we were very excited. He hadn't had a job with guaranteed hours the entire time we had been together so it was nice for him to finally have an income we could write an accurate budget around. However about 3 weeks ago (shortly after we adopted a 6 week old puppy) he found out he would have to start traveling for work sometimes. The week we found out he would have to start going out of town, he was working every night until about 8 or 9 which that in itself was very hard. The following weekend he worked Saturday morning and afternoon and then came home that night to tell me he would be leaving for Kansas (we live in MIssouri), the next day at 4. I got super upset for a number of reasons, it was unexpected, I was used to having him home at night, I hadn't seen much of him lately and we have two cats and a puppy in a 2 bedroom upstairs apartment, I didn't know how I was going to do all of this alone. So the week went past and Friday he came home. When he got there I was so happy to see him, I missed him so much and was relieved to have him home. We thought since he wasn't told Friday before he left work that he wouldn't have to go this week. Wrong. He gets a call Sunday at 9 PM asking why he wasn't in KS. No one told him obviously that he was supposed to leave Sunday so he said he would leave the next day. They told him he would be back Wednesday. So I operated on that thought. I went about my day, I took care of my daughter and did the best to tend to my animals. Last night he called and told me they told him he has to stay til Friday. Wow.

I thought this was supposed to get easier but this second trip has been even harder on me. I know I don't need to be so dependent on him and am trying my best but as a creature of habit it's very difficult when he's been around pretty much all the time the last two years. I don't wanna know how I can change him or change his schedule, I want help changing my behavior so I can make myself ok with him being gone. I still mother my daughter, I still do activities with her so I don't feel that she is paying for him being gone but I just need ideas to cope with it in my own head. On top of everything else we are moving in 2 weeks so I have that to worry about as well He wants to get his class A in the next year which means Over the Road truck driving for at least a year so I need to get this figured out. Something else I have trouble with is when he comes back I cling on. My daughter goes to her dads on the weekend so I don't have her keeping me busy. I miss him so much while he's gone and I don't want him to leave my side when he comes home. I know that will get old for him so I need help with that as well.

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[mhowe]

You don't say how old you are, but certainly old enough to have been married and have a kid. Your bf will be away a lot -- fact. You need to find a life outside of waiting for him to be home. Do you work? Can you get a pt job for when your daughter is w/ her dad?

 

Thinking that he won't leave your side when he is home is completely unrealistic.

 

Where you are moving are there any family or friends?

[nutbrownhare]

It's only been three weeks; it takes at least six weeks to get used to a change in ways of working, thinking etc (which is why therapy groups and 12 step programs like you to commit to six sessions before deciding!).

 

You're used to having him around all the time, and this is going to be a real shock to the system for both of you. It will get better with time, as you get more accustomed to it. What you need to do is write a list of interests you have neglected, friends you haven't seen for ages, and anything else which would enrich your life if you were on your own with no daughter - then go out and do them as much as you can, when you can. This, too, will feel weird and unfamiliar at first - but then you'll get used to it, learn to love it and it will break your dependency on him.

 

You are very wise and mature to recognise that this is something you need to address in yourself, and that's half the battle. You've got a really stressful time right now and ahead, with the move, but the stress will pass and then you've got a great new life to look forward to - with a better income and getting more grounded within yourself. So do everything you need to do and just give it time!

[csr14]

I'm 25 years old and I work full time. At work is probably one of my biggest problems because I don't stay very busy. As far as friends and family I try to connect with friends and family both while he's gone and while he's home with very little luck, so I basically am going to have to find it within myself to get past this

[Miss Firecracker]

I had the same situation for several years, so I totally understand how you feel. It happened to us after being married for twenty years, and I went into shock. I finally found a hobby that I LOVE. I enter sweepstakes every single day. Not only did it entertain me, it's changed our lives financially. Look hard until you find what you love to do, and life will be much easier.

[csr14]

I had the same situation for several years, so I totally understand how you feel. It happened to us after being married for twenty years, and I went into shock. I finally found a hobby that I LOVE. I enter sweepstakes every single day. Not only did it entertain me, it's changed our lives financially. Look hard until you find what you love to do, and life will be much easier.

 

Thats very helpful! I have a daughter so she obviously keeps me busy but I think I need to find something for her and I to do that makes her and I happy.