I am feeling more and more insecure as this relationship progresses...

[gabriella777]

...and I'm not sure why that is.

 

I've been with my bf for 6 months now. We've had our disagreements here and there but he is always very understanding and always tries to make me feel good.

 

I've been having insecurity/jealously issues from the start of this relationship which I think are due to previous experiences...(my ex).

 

Lately, I have been feeling more insecure but I don't really know why. When we first started, I introduced this game that I play with my friends sometimes: rating random people on the street based on their attractiveness. (on a scale of 1 to 10).

This was something I was always ok with, I started it anyway.

But somehow, I am not ok with it now. I feel like I am being constantly compared; I didn't feel like that before though.

 

I can't really understand what has changed in me. Shall I ask him to stop playing that game because it bothers me? Would I be asking too much?

I'm confused and I don't know why I am feeling so insecure.

I'd like to ask whether other people on here would be ok with that "game" in a relationship with your partner?

[mhowe]

Bring past issues (ex) into new relationship --- not good. He's done nothing to warrant mistrust or jealousy --- so stop!!

 

Secondly, incredibly immature to make a game of judging people. Now that you feel "judged" by comparison --- maybe you could say "you know what, this game that I invented is really kinda immature and rude --- let's stop playing it."

[Kristenelaine]

Stop comparing yourself. My last 2 relationships have failed because I became insecure and untrusting for no real reason. I suggest talking to some girl friends or a counselor. It can help keep things clear. the more insecure you get, the more you will push him away. Trust me. Be yourself like at the beginning of the relationship. Remember what it was he was attracted to and what he liked. Please dont make the mistakes I did. I lost someone I really truly loved because I forgot my worth.

[BrianH46]

I think it's natural, you are investing more emotions and have more to lose and from your fears spring insecurities.

[nutbrownhare]

I think Brian really hit the nail on the head - you are more invested now, and have more to lose.

 

Years ago, my then partner and I used to play a game whereby, if we were in a crowded room, I'd try and pick out the women he'd find attractive. It was fun. But that was against a background of me knowing he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and he did have a definite 'type'. But this wasn't at the start of the relationship; it was a couple of years down the line and we had strong foundations.

 

You could always tell your bf that the game's getting boring now. You could always play it yourself, too, and if it feels like harmless fun then it might reassure you that you're not being compared. But you need to do something because this situation's upsetting you.

[gabriella777]

Right now, to me, it still seems incomprehensible how I could be okay for example with that game that you mentioned. Even if I do know that he thinks that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, I can never be 100% sure and I hate feeling compared in any way.

 

I don't want to lie to him so I don't want to tell him that "it's getting boring". I want to tell him the truth but I'm scared I'll come accross as way too insecure that it'll push him away kinda...

[mhowe]

Then tell him you've decided it is an immature game and you are done with it.

 

If you tell him about your insecurities, which seem baseless, you are going to seem ---- insecure.