Is this normal?

[mitchie85]

Quick run down:

My partner and I have been together for 6 years (lived together for 2) and are currently having some problems.

For the past 6 months I've been suffering from depression/post traumatic stress and of late it's really started to take it's toll on him and our relationship.

He's in his final year of university and I've noticed that our problems are seriously effecting his studies and he seems to be becoming depressed himself.

I made the decision this week to move back home with my parents to sort out my issues and take the pressure off for both of us.

This has been extremely difficult for him, it means he's going to have to move home too as he can't pay the rent on his own. He doesn't want me to go but understands that it's what we both need.

Anyway long story short he told me today that his biggest fear is not the end of our relationship, he's afraid that we wont be friends anymore.

Oddly enough this is my biggest fear too! We were friends before we got together and over the years he has become my best/closest friend. If I try to imagine a future in which we are no longer a couple my heart aches and the pain in unbearable but if I picture a future where we aren't friends it can trigger a full on panic attack.

Is this normal and what does it actually mean for our relationship?

[DN]

Unfortunately, I suspect you have probably caused the demise of the relationship and the friendship. It's a shame you could not have dealt with the depression while still with him.

[mitchie85]

We haven't actually broken up, we just wont be living together.

I agree it would have been great to be able to sort through my problems together but it's just not possible. He suffers from seasonal affective disorder and with winter coming he's finding he can't provide the support that he has been giving me and I'm struggling to be there for him like I usually am at this time of year.

[RedDress]

Unfortunately, I suspect you have probably caused the demise of the relationship and the friendship. It's a shame you could not have dealt with the depression while still with him.

 

I agree with DN.

 

I know you think you haven't broken up... but moving out/trying to take a step back is extremely destructive. I think that in time, when you look back, you will come to realize that this was a big, big blow.

[mitchie85]

Thank you both for your replies. For future reference please be aware that I was not asking you if I had ****ed up my relationship

[Ms Darcy]

Anyway long story short he told me today that his biggest fear is not the end of our relationship, he's afraid that we wont be friends anymore.

 

Oddly enough this is my biggest fear too! We were friends before we got together and over the years he has become my best/closest friend. If I try to imagine a future in which we are no longer a couple my heart aches and the pain in unbearable but if I picture a future where we aren't friends it can trigger a full on panic attack.

Is this normal and what does it actually mean for our relationship?

 

Is this normal? Hard to say. Sometimes people in relationships move out to sort through issues so it is not abnormal.

 

What does it mean for your relationship? Without knowing all the dynamics of your relationship it is hard to tell. I do think the fact that you two have been together for a long, you have had problems, and the fact that he's more worried about the friendship than relationship suggests that this relationship may be barrelling towards an end.

[DN]

Thank you both for your replies. For future reference please be aware that I was not asking you if I had ****ed up my relationship

You asked this in your original post on the thread Is this normal and what does it actually mean for our relationship?

[Stay_home]

Perhaps if you said that you were going to stay at your parents for a couple days or a few weeks until things smoothed over, it wouldn't be so bad. But moving out totally and now causing him to have to be disturbed from his school and the stress of having to move back home in the midst of everything, not healthy for your relationship. And this backward step is so huge that it's possible it may make things much worse.