At 6 months in, what was/is your relationship like?

[hidden_kitten]

I would like to hear how everyone else's relationships have progressed by this point?

 

Started seeing a guy last November, he came on quite strong in the beginning, but had fancied him for ages so decided to give it a go. He lives about 40 miles away but works in my town a few times a week which is how we met. But because of the distance, we haven't seen as much of each other as we would like. He works two jobs and does a lot of overtime for one so that factors in as well. My last big relationship lasted 4 years and I'm sure by 6 months we were saying 'I love you' but looking back I think we rushed that bit and the relationship became codependent in the end. That experience is making me cautious this time round but I'm worried that it's not progressing at all? He used to text a lot but that has definitely died down, fair enough so I told him I would like us to communicate more by phone but his working schedule requires him to go to bed around 8pm so finding a mutually convenient time to talk doesn't really happen!

[april15]

At the 6 month mark in my relationship (which ended in marriage after 1 year) I had said I loved her and was introducing her to my kids. We had many sleepovers, I spent most of my free time with her. We had very similar circumstances. My wife lived 45 miles away, I worked 2 jobs and had 3 kids. Her last relationship was 7 years. We kept expecting the honeymoon phase to be over even 18 months later. Now, 3 years later, we have toned down a little but communicate several times a day and spend most of our free time together.

 

I have never been in a relationship such as this. When we first start dating I was thrilled with the connection and did not expect it to last but decided to ride it as long as possible. Things developed and through good communication I realized she felt the same connection as I did and now with planning and caring I plan on riding the relationship till death do us part.

 

In the past with less intense relationships I would have said "I Love You" or been moving on by 6 months. I was never much of a casual dater and liked having a gf even if I did not think it was heading towards marriage.

[Ms Darcy]

Every relationship is different. Some healthy relationships involve I love you after a couple of months ... others after a year. My only advice is to really decide for yourself if you are happy with how it is going. If you have expressed a need to him and find that it's not being addressed, then you have a legitimate concern.

[erzerum7]

What the heck is this "co-dependent" BS? Isn't being in a relationship ABOUT interdependence? You know, two individuals sacrificing of themselves, compromising, helping each other, so that something bigger than either of them can be?

[The_Seeker]

What the heck is this "co-dependent" BS? Isn't being in a relationship ABOUT interdependence? You know, two individuals sacrificing of themselves, compromising, helping each other, so that something bigger than either of them can be?

 

I agreed with you! Oh my god, I thought I was the only who thought of that.

 

Anyway,

 

I met my current in early september, but exchanged messages online in late August. So I don't know which one counts.

 

We haven't seen each other since January. I think the honey moon phase has ended.

 

Hopefully we see each other this month.

[hidden_kitten]

Thank you for your replies. That's lovely how your relationship worked out, April15!

 

Erzerum7, I agree with you to an extent but when your ex has repeatedly told you that he was only happy when he was with you, but shot down any attempts at reconcilliation and threatened suicide because he thinks no one can love him, I'm wary of getting so intertwined with someone else's life again. But thank you for your input.

[april15]

Your ex has some issues, people come into our lives and blow up and we end up cleaning up for a long time. I think it is smart to be wary, especially after dealing with an emotionally unstable ex. I too was wary and hid a lot of myself away for a long time after my divorce. Kept my distance, threw myself into my work and my kids' lives instead of getting too involved.... Until I met my wife.

 

My mom likes to say there is a lid for every pot. I used to think that was a silly statement but with my wife I find a connection that I have not ever had before, maybe she is my lid or I am hers. Regardless, the pace of your relationship is totally up to you. Keep an open mind and don't compromise your values. I had relationship goals after my divorce. During the healing process it was just finding someone to have fun with and be honest with.

 

Later I was looking for women who closely matched my values so I could see them in my life for a longer term. I didn't think I would find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. In fact I found several women who were nice but did not have the same core values so short term was fun but get down sharing family and friends and things would get sketchy.

 

Setting relationship goals and knowing what I wanted, helped me not only find women who were more compatible but also made me a more honest and suitable prospect for women who were looking for an open, honest relationship with a guy like me. Even my short term relationships were more meaningful and rewarding.

 

I was not thinking long term, just middle term I guess, and it hit me, this woman could be so much more. I accepted this is not what I am looking for but it was what life was giving me. I looked carefully at the situation and decided I was growing and moving forward, was able to find balance. With distance being the only dealbreaker, I was able to toss it out, change my goals and move forward, learning and growing with my girlfriend and later wife.

[mhowe]

What the heck is this "co-dependent" BS? Isn't being in a relationship ABOUT interdependence? You know, two individuals sacrificing of themselves, compromising, helping each other, so that something bigger than either of them can be?

 

Relationships are not about co-dependence, which implies that one does not exist without the other. Not about sacraficing yourself for the other. Yes to compromise, and bringing out the best in each other. I think that in every relationship, there are three entities that need to exist: You, the other, and the relationship. It is about blending together, but not so that 2 become 1 .....so that 2 become 3.

[The_Seeker]

Relationships are not about co-dependence, which implies that one does not exist without the other. Not about sacraficing yourself for the other. Yes to compromise, and bringing out the best in each other. I think that in every relationship, there are three entities that need to exist: You, the other, and the relationship. It is about blending together, but not so that 2 become 1 .....so that 2 become 3.

 

I hope number 3 is a kid!