Nearly one month on

[miss_sunshine86]

Hi

 

Just wanted to post how I am feeling about one month on.

 

I completed the final stage of a personal growth/management course that I have been on for the past 8 months.

 

incidentally the course begun at the beginning of my relationship.

 

We had to complete a very intense personality questionaire (100s of questions) to come to choose between 3 personalitys: constructive (the ideal), passive defensive, and aggressive.

 

I came out as completely passive defensive, which incidentally so is my Ex.

 

The point of the course was to try really hard to change your way of dealing situations to constructive. So I re-took the test again today and I came out as self actualising (constructive). It was a huge change.

 

Maybe I have outgrown him because I have changed. I don't know. Anyway, overall toady was a great day, I graduated from that course and got excellent feedback from my managers.

 

Apart from one thing..........

 

I can't shake the feeling, the "what if" feeling. What if he was the one? What if I should have been less demanding, more flexible, basically done what I could to have made sure that last "conversation" didn't happen? What if that's all the universe has for me?

 

I just wish I could look into a crystal ball and see that everything would turn out ok. Because I really want to get married, have kids, all that stuff. What if it never happens.

 

Thanks for reading - sorry if I sounded silly. I just wanted to share where my mind is at right now, and vent a bit I guess. I am at the stage where I feel o.k, focusing my energy on work and friends, not good, not bad, just o.k. But I just feel so anxious, and can't stop thinking "what if....".

 

N - x

[NANNYSTUDENT]

I want the same crystal ball let me know if you find it no judgment here.... Keep your head up and remind yourself you have no control over fate.

[Donovan79]

What if he was the one?

 

He wasn't.

 

I just wish I could look into a crystal ball and see that everything would turn out ok.

 

It will.

 

Stop beating yourself up, you're 25 and have tons of time to find exactly what you dream of. And when you meet The One you won't have to try that hard.

[alias09]

Apart from one thing..........

 

I can't shake the feeling, the "what if" feeling. What if he was the one? What if I should have been less demanding, more flexible, basically done what I could to have made sure that last "conversation" didn't happen? What if that's all the universe has for me?

 

As ChrisMac says, he wasn't the one. There is nothing you could have done differently, you did what you could to make it work at the time and it could've only turned out the way it did. KNOW that if he only felt the same way, you two would still be together, trying to make it work, end of story. There is no what if feeling for us dumpees. Only dumpers can regret.