Still struggling after a year apart after an 8 year relationship

[CrazyMiner]

Hi,

 

Some of you may remember me from a year ago when I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years. Feel free to take a look at my previous posts if you want to get a prior story, but the basic info is that we met at the age of 15 and quickly became an 'adult' couple - we were living together at the age of 17, went off together to University at 18 etc. By 22 we had brought a house together, and then unfortunately about 6 months after that we broke up. There was no real 'big' event that pushed us apart from what I can think of (and believe me, I have thought about it so many times)... in January 2011 I contracted TB and so was really ill so I think she found it hard caring for me. She was working all day and then spending the evenings with me in hospital, and bearing in mind I was in there for nearly 4 weeks, I'm sure that the illness contributed to it.

 

So, as an update, I struggled to move on. We broke up in March 2011 when I was just starting to recover and for a few months afterwards I chased her. I didn't want to date, I didn't go to the gym, I wasn't socialising, I didn't really do anything... and so did everything wrong. Whenever she rang to discuss things (we still had the house etc) we would talk, sometimes for upto 30 minutes about general chatter, but then I would always ask for her back, often crying. We tried to be friends, going out for meals and drinks etc, but of course that didn't work. After a while, she just stopped calling. She went on a few dates a month or two after we broke up, and then found a guy who she met in May 2011 and she is still with now. I don't know how serious it is as they live in different cities that are 75 miles apart and she has a busy job (she is a Doctor and works random shifts etc), but as they have been dating for nearly a year it is fair to say that they are serious enough. Her grandma died recently and she asked me to go to the funeral as I was close to her nan. I wasn't going to go but then her mum called me and asked me to go as well (I am very close to her mum) and so I didn't want to say no when the two of them had asked me. She was at the funeral with this guy etc. My god it felt hard to see him comfort her.

 

We still own the house together - I live there and rent out 2 of the rooms. These 2 lodgers are paying for the mortgage as well as leaving about £300 per month in profit into a joint account that we have together with me only contributing £325 per month, so it makes good financial sense to keep the house at the moment. She is starting to ask about selling it so I won't have it for much longer... she is going to Australia for a year to work and wants to come back and buy a house and so she wants the money available for when she gets back.

 

 

In regards to me, I have recently got a new job for a well known international company and my salary has increased by nearly 70% (I wasn't exactly earning pennies before either), and so that side of my life is going really well. I have been dating a girl I met at a networking event for just over 6 months and that is going ok, but if I'm honest with myself I still miss my ex like crazy. Whenever I argue with my current girlfriend I always think about my ex and just want to cry. Even when we aren't arguing and perhaps I'm not out with my girlfriend my mind drifts off to my ex. I feel so nasty about what I am doing with my current gf... she is so nice, a primary school teacher, absolutely stunning, and has an amazing personality, and I'm sure that if I met her without having previously dated my ex we would have been a perfect match. However, my heart is still yearning for my ex - I just can't open up to let in my new gf as all I want is my ex. This is probably not helpd by the fact that I want to move abroad at some point (as had always been the plan with my ex) and my current GF doesn't want to know... she has only ever wanted to live around where she was born and doesn't see any point in learning foreign languages etc. She is completely different to my ex in so many ways... I love how open minded she is (apart from moving away) but I think because she isn't like my ex I just can't open up to her.

 

I'm writing this and I don't even know what I'm hoping to achieve, so sorry for the rant. I keep coming up with ways in my head that I can show my ex that I still love her. I was worried for a while that I was just idolising her, but over a year later the heartache I feel tells me that it is still love I feel. I have been tempted a few times to just go to her new place (about 50 miles from me) and tell her that I still miss her. She has emailed me a few times this week about selling the house... always general chit chat before talking about house valuations etc. I've thought about maybe signing off one of the emails that I send to her with "missing you" and then following it up with another email after saying "woops didn't mean to do that", hoping that it would be a hint to her, but it just seems childish. I wonder whether I should send her a text saying "if I asked you to meet me, would you turn up?". But again, it seems so petty. Her latest emails have said that she would be happy to come and give me a hand tidying up the house so that we can take photos to list it on a house selling website, and she has given me the times and dates that she is free after she finishes work each day. My heart wants to read into this that she wants to come and see me, especially as she has not just said she would be happy to help but also because she has given me times and dates etc, but my head is telling me that she just wants to come and ensure that I get the photos done, the house is tidy for viewings etc. Then I begin to think that if we sell the house then, with nothing tying us together, there could be a chance of us starting afresh due to having no ties... god, it never ends!

 

Before anyone says - I know what I'm doing with my current gf is bad, as in still having feelings for my ex, and I am going to address that problem, so please don't start lecturing.

 

I just don't know what to do. My life should be going amazingly right now with my career change etc, but there is this part of me missing, and that part is her.

[WhenWillILove]

Wow.

Have you tried seeing a therapist? I don't know if we can help you with this situation except listen to your pain.

[Doofus]

1. Given the length and nature of your relationship, one year is not really a lot of time. It's not really surprising that you still pine for your ex. Of course, this is both good and bad. Good - you don't need special therapy or to feel like you're a freak of some kind. Bad - You probably have a while to go before you're really over her. In fact, there are lots and lots of people who have someone from their past that they never get over. That's what's meant by true love. You fell in love with this woman. You will probably always be in love with her. That sucks, but lots of people - yourself included - live successful, relatively happy lives (emphasis, I suppose, on 'relative') in spite of it.

2. Don't tell your gf. If carrying a torch for someone for years is common, so too is dating other people while you do. Very few people on the other hand are in relationships in which neither party ever feels the pull of another. We're social animals who are not - really - monogamous. As long as there is no chance you might leave your gf for someone - and, based on your post , there isn't, at least not for your ex - stay quiet and be happy with this wonderful woman. Long term relationships are largely about what we do not what we feel. That's a radical notion for most on here, but, if you think about it, it's true and congruent with the idea of love as an active verb, not a passive noun (OK... grammar not quite right, but you get the idea..).

 

My advice is to sell the house, and, when you find yourself pining for your ex, indulge it for just a minute, then, do something that engages your concentration to get your mind off of her. Eventually, you will feel better, even if, you're never completely over her. You spent a third of your life with her. It shouldn't be easy to move on.

[CrazyMiner]

Wow.

Have you tried seeing a therapist? I don't know if we can help you with this situation except listen to your pain.

 

Hi WhenWillILove,

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Yes I saw a counsellor for a few sessions a few months after we had broken up but I didn't think it was helping at all. During every session I would end up crying at some point, and then when I left I was just thinking about my ex more than when I had gone it, so for my own sanity I stopped going. My ex and I had seen a counsellor about a year before we broke up because we were arguing all the time back then, and after a while we stopped arguing and I thought that it had helped.

[CrazyMiner]

Hi Doofus,

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Some good points there. The problem is, I don't want to live a relatively happy life... I want to win her back somehow and live a fantastic life. Things just don't feel great anymore... I'm setting myself targets, for example I'm learning to fly at the moment which is something that I have wanted to do for years and the original intention was to get my ex involved and for us to go away on the odd day flying... basically to be just different to going down the pub with friends etc. I've had about 8 lessons now, and to be honest I just don;t see the point as whenever I'm having a lesson I'm just thinking "why am I doing this, I can;t enjoy this with her". When I got this new job everyone was saying how amazing it was, how my CV was going to look fantastic and working for this new company would set me up for life, but I just feel like there isn't really any point as I can;t share it with my ex.

 

I'm trying to play it cool with her at the moment, trying to impress her with my job title etc... it's all just so laughable and pathetic! I just want to tell her to come home, to our home.

[Meloshski]

I know how you feel about missing the one you lost and wanting her back under any circumstance I’m there, working through it right now.

 

So I don’t want to sound heartless or mean, but I had to do this to myself and it’s been longer for you so maybe it won’t be as heart wrenching but I suspect it will be anyway.

 

It sounds like she has made it as clear as possible that she is done. Moved on. Left. Gone. For good. You’re holding her back by not doing what you need to do together to cleanly cut the relationship. It's opened into this infected wound for you that you haven’t given time to heal but have bandaged it over with a new relationship.

 

She is trying to do everything necessary and it sounds like trying to do it in the nicest possible way to cut all the final strings, probably because she does care for you and will always remember your time together, but its past, she doesn’t want you as her partner anymore. Sounds like she even tried to make being friends work but with her trying to move on and seeing you falling apart it hurts her every time she was with you and so she had to cut that off to save herself.

 

What you need to do is get the house ready for sale, or if you want you can probably get the bank to sign it over to you and split out the equity for her if your making good money renting it out and you’re ok keeping it for a while till you move overseas. Finish getting anything that is hers or "ours" divided and out of the house (I’m doing this right now, it’s painful as heck). Finish tying up all other loose threads that are binding you together and cut them cleanly and swiftly.

 

Once that is done, then sit down with your current GF, tell her you need some time apart, or with very little contact for a while. EXPLAIN why, don’t mince words, don’t be sly about it, tell her the honest truth and ask her for understanding.

 

Finally now that you'll be free of all the things, sit in your grief for the loss of the relationship with your ex. DO NOT CONTACT YOUR NEW GF OR YOUR OLD GF. This is the time you need to go through the stages that you have been putting off since you broke up. You have to accept that the old is gone, there is a future and from what you say it sounds like a very nice one for you, but unless you reopen the wound cut out the diseased parts and let time grow whole over it you will not be a good partner for the life you have ahead.

 

You'll always be welcome in the Healing forums below too, lot of us working through the pain of loss like you. You are not alone, and there are people that care for you, but it’s time to turn away from the past, look to the future and let the sun of new life shine on you.

[CrazyMiner]

Hi Meloshski,

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Everything you have said makes sense and I know that it is what I should be doing. After I managed to get out of my little grief hole around July 2011 I had time to myself then until I met my current gf in September 2011. I hate being alone... I live 4 hours drive away from my family (moved up here to go to University with my ex) and don't know that many people, which is probably why I got with my current gf so quickly.

 

Part of me knows that I should move on, but another part makes me want to meet up with her, take her into my arms, and kiss her and hug her so tightly. I keep thinking "I've got nothing to lose... we've been apart now for over a year, what's the worst that can happen if I just pick up the phone and ask her to meet me". I don't know, I feel so crap!

[Matt_P]

I don't know what to say, really.

 

I am in the EXACT same position as you. It's reassuring to know that the way I currently feel is being exacted by someone else, but also it's hard knowing there's not a lot of ways out of it. Also, looking at your position objectively made me realise that we're both fighting a losing battle here as far as getting the ex back is concerned.

 

Everyone is telling us to move on and not bother and thinking that we shouldn't be with our current girlfriends if this is the way we think we feel. Everyone is saying that contacting our ex is a bad idea, who is done with us and has evidently moved on.

 

What do we do?

 

If you want to talk about this stuff, with someone who's in your exact situation, then feel free to message me

[Meloshski]

I’m right there too, I’d love to get my wife back. Married 14 years and she comes back from a deployment in love with one of the guys she was with over there. It’s like I waited and she never came back, she died somewhere in afghan and the only thing to return was this doppelganger that looks like her, sounds like her, feels like her, but it is NOT her.

 

Now all I can do is put the shattered bricks of my life together fight for what is left of our lives that she is trying to pull apart for the money value of it. But I had to stand after, I had no choice, all the responsibility fell to me when she walked out and abandoned our family.

 

And I’m not saying to leave your current GFs forever; all I’m saying is that you need to be on your own for a while. It hurts, I know it sucks, wrenching pain and loss and thoughts of your past and her filling your every thought, finally doing something you enjoy or are proud of and you turn to tell her about it... to realize that she’s not there anymore, never will be. Life seems like some cruel joke and you’re the fool. I get it, I’m in it. But you gain something from all this too, you gain yourself again. You start to be able to see you as the strong, independent person you are, with hearts that are filled with love and joy for yourself and the one that will come to fill your life someday. And if your GFs truly care about you then they will wait, will support you as long as you’re honest with them about what you’re going through. If they won’t then they would never have been able to take the full measure of the love you could have given them anyway and you wouldn’t want to live forever like that anyway.

 

If your old GFs really are ment to be with you, then they will seek you out. You wont have to chase, you wont have to beg or plead. You dont want to be the person they left anway, you want to be the better you, so if your miracle happens you will be too good to even think about leaving again.

[mikhylabelle]

Hi crazyminer and matt_P. Everyone has a different take on every situation. But my opinion is, it's really not fair to your current girlfriends that you are continuing a relationship with them while your heart is into someone else. It's not fair to yourselves too. I know that when after some time of grieving has passed, it would feel frustrating to know that we haven't moved on yet, or the desire to be with that person is still there. But sometimes, it takes a long time to completely get over a heartache, and using another person to distract us from the pain, or to transfer that love we felt for someone else is just wrong. It creates bigger problems, and makes us sink deeper into sadness. I feel really bad for all of these. My ex-fiance got married last month to his gf of 4 months. But 9 days before getting married, he sent me an email telling me his life is at its lowest, and he was hurting intensely, blaming me for what happened to us. It seems like he is not over 'us' yet. He didn't tell me he was getting married. when i found out i was really hurt and sad, and expressed it to him. He told me if i am hurting, he is devastated. And he has a lot of regrets. But there is nothing we can do now. I guess like some other guys, he thought that healing comes from moving on so quickly with another girl without processing his emotions. Now, he's finding out that it isn't the case. I am hurting a lot from the break-up too, and i still love my ex, inspite of the things that happened. But i am choosing the other way to heal. To be with myself for a while, until i processed all the emotions that come with it. Until i have fully accepted the situation- the loss of the person i loved, the dreams with him that didn't pan out, i guess i will never be capable of loving someone else and be in a fullblown relationship with another person.

 

And yeah, I agree with everything Meloshki has written.

 

good luck to you both. It's a tough situation, and i hope you find guidance and strength.

[CrazyMiner]

Thanks for all your quick replies everyone.

 

I am moving more towards contacting her in some way, but don't really know the best way to go about it. I have been thinking about it for a while and have come to the conclusion that I am going to do it in some way. We are talking by email at the moment (yes about selling the house but also general chit chat like we did before, i.e. for the first few months after the breakup).

 

She is moving to Australia for 9 months in August this year to work as a Doctor before she moves back to the UK and begins her specialist training. At that point she could end up anywhere in the UK. I'm starting to feel that, even just for my own sanity, I need to do something to see if she is still interested. The problem is, I don't know the best way to do it. She has always been strong minded, and I have heard from one of our joint friends that she does still miss me and is treating this new guy as a bit of a 'space filler', if you know what I mean, which is not surprising considering that they live 75 miles apart and she works every other weekend at the hospital.

 

This isn't a knee-jerk reaction... it is something that I have been thinking about for a while and considering the pros and cons and I have decided that it is something that I am going to do, so please don't try and suggest it's a mistake. I'm having one of those 'if I don't try I won't know' moments.

 

I don't want to go all-in as such, but more a dip my toe in the water situation to see what she comes back with. Any suggestions?

[Fraggle]

Crazy...

 

I've done just that today, although my scenario is a little more hostile and complex than yours I think from what I've read, but I may be wrong?

 

I just had a spur of the moment thing today following a number of rather terse emails regarding me buying her out of the property (complex situ if you read money, money money arrgghh...)

 

But I just felt today that I'm not leaning either way anymore and I wanted to look into her eyes when I ask some questions so decided to drop her a text to see if she'd see me. Given the e-mails she's been sending and being a bit pedantic I'm surprised she has said yes.

 

I'm off in an hour to see if my instinct serves me well or blows up in my face.

 

There are a few small butterflies think that I'm seeing her now, but e-mail can be lethal in getting the tone wrong and something that is not meant to be terse is read that way.

 

I suggest you give a phone call a try first, and then maybe suggest meeting for a coffee?

 

A bit like you my mind said today, what can I lose.... (yes well we'll see)

[CrazyMiner]

Hi Fraggle,

 

Best of luck my friends. I hope it all goes well. Please pop back afterwards and give us all an update. I tried the whole NC thing and if I'm honest I think that instead of it giving us bother space to see what we were without each other (bearing in mind we had been together since fairly young) it just meant that we both went separate ways and carved a life without each other. Yes, that is the point of a breakup, but I do believe that the people who go on about NC working to bring people back together are a bit single minded... it is more of a technique to use so that you can move on and heal yourselves.

 

I suppose I am lucky that things ended on fairly good terms. As well as the house, literally a month before we broke up my ex lent me about £6,000 to pay off some credit cards that I had built up at University that were dragging me down financially and was also on my mind a lot. Since then, I have been paying her back £150 per month which is pretty good of her to allow seeing as we separated shortly after she lent me the cash. On the other hand, it could be more difficult as she is dating this guy and is very much against 'cheaters' (her dad cheated on her mum when she was younger and they ended up getting divorced). We'll have to see.

 

The problem is I don't really know her schedule anymore, apart from the handful of dates that she gave me when she would be able to come to the house to help tidy up for valuations etc, so am worried about calling incase she is there with her new bf or her friends (who have, like all good friends should do, gone against me in order to bolster her decision to break up with me). Perhaps a text is better? An email is too easy to delete... I think she deletes the emails I send to her before replying to them as whenever she replies they never have my original email at the bottom. What do you think?

 

Let us know bud!

[2bcome1]

Hi Crazyminer

Our situations are similar but mine is worse.i started seeing my ex when i was 14 and we split up end of oct last year.We were together for 21 years and have 2 boys.She got with a guy only 2 weeks later,The guy is 43 a wife beater,cheater,grey hair and a head the size of a watermelon.They got engaged in feb and are getting married next year.Lifes a * * * * * hey.

[CrazyMiner]

So what's the thoughts guys? I've decided, with a clear mind, that I am going to initiate more than just house/general email chit chat with her. She is still dating this other guy (they've been together for about 9 months but live 75 miles away from each other and she works every other weekend and he works long hours during the week). A mutual friend has said that she has said that she misses me - we've been apart for just over a year.

 

What's the way to approach it? Text? Phone call? Email? At the moment I'm thinking something along the lines of either "if I asked you to meet me, would you?" or "fancy grabbing a coffee sometime next week?". I don't think email will work because it is too easy to ignore/delete, having a text pushes it into her face so to speak and requires more of a response than an email. In terms of a phone call, I'd be worried that either I would catch her at a bad time or wouldn't be able to get hold of her as she works weird hours and would have to leave her a voicemail asking her to call back.

[2bcome1]

Why would you want to contact her.It wont do any good because she is with someone else!Leave her be,if she wants to get back with you she will contact YOU.

[Ms Darcy]

Crazy,

 

I am going to write this response, with all due respect, with the perspective of the women in your life. So it's pretty clear that you want to make one final move on your ex ...

 

First, BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If a guy I was dating ever did this to me, it would not only end but I would deeply resent the betrayal and disregard. Six months is a long time and I suspect she's pretty committed to you. It is wrong. It is not fair. Break up with her and be the single man you need to be before trying to get your ex back.

 

Second, on making another move on your ex. Friends can be idiots. Of course your "joint" friend wants you two to get back together so she'll see things/convey things from that perspective. It may be that she doesn't see him as the one or whatever. It may also be that she misses you, but don't mistake either one of those feelings for wanting you back. Whatever you do, text, email, in person, it doesn't really matter ... just so long as your message is clear. If you say "I miss you" and she happens to reply similarly, you may get false hope because you two are conveying very different messages.

 

But honestly, I think it's pretty yuck to declare love to someone in a relationship with someone else. It shows no respect for the relationship.

[Matt_P]

After what I had previously said, with a more clear mind I actually agree with Ms Darcy there. What message will it convey to your ex if you're willing to do this while seeing another person? She may see it as you're dipping the toe in, with the security of still having someone there if she replies negatively.

 

Also, she may feel that it's offensive since she is with someone else, that you think she would be willing to drop that. I think where Ms Darcy is right, is that if you really feel committed to this "all or nothing" approach (which I totally understand and feel exactly the same), then you're going to have to leave your current girlfriend. As someone else on the forum said to me, it is evident you are not actually happy in your current relationship. She's not the one for you. Otherwise, you would not feel like finding out if your ex is interested.

 

You (and I) need to think of it like this, as an ultimatum -

 

1.) All or nothing: Leave the current girlfriend, do it gently and don't hurt her. Then make the grand gesture to the ex, spill your heart out and absolutely, honestly do not expect her to even bat an eyelid. Expect disappointment and if it works out any other way then get married and have babies (or ultimately re-understand why you broke up in the first place).

 

2.) The status quo: Stay with your current girlfriend and hope that you will feel the same, but you will have to ditch every feeling about your ex because it's really unfair. How would you feel if you found out this girlfriend was thinking of her ex the whole time you're together? I imagine you'd feel betrayed at the very least.

 

3.) The independence-dance: It's evident you're not actually ready to be with anyone else right now and it turns out your ex has made things pretty clear. She's moved on, for better or worse, she's actively avoiding being back with you right now. Try to find happiness within yourself with no pressure of having to be with anyone.

 

This is what I've been telling myself the past month or so. They're hard decisions but only you can choose which one it'll be, because you're then going to have to live with consequences whether they turn out to be good or bad.

 

Very intrigued as to how you get on though, Crazy. Really hope it works out for you, no matter which option you go for

[CrazyMiner]

Heard from my ex tonight. She called because I hadn't replied to her last email about what we are going to do about the house. She is pushing for it to go on the market now... I think two things are holding me back selling it - general laziness and also some romantic lost hope that we will get back together.

 

It's weird; it is only when she gets in contact that I start to feel down and miss her... most of the time I am so busy with my new job that my mind doesn't dwell on her. She has said that she is thinking of moving to the other side of the country when she gets back from Australia in February/March 2013 (she leaves in August)... that has really got me going tonight.

 

I just want to go to her and hug her so tightly even though it has been over a year, but I also love spending time with my new gf. I've decided I need to contact my ex and tell her that I want to see her, but how do I do it? I need to be selfish right now, to allow myself what I think I need to do and feel. Do I text her? Email her? Send her a letter? I'm leaning towards sending her a text, maybe saying something like "The thought of you going to Oz and then moving to the other side of the country when you get back has got my heart pounding. If I asked you to meet me, would you?". What do you guys think to me sending that? The content I mean, not the idea of the message itself?

[Fraggle]

Mate difficult to say under the circumstances and if you get hurt contacting her do you want to get in touch with her again? You need to think if it is the right thing to do or whether you are just prolonging your pain by seeing her, esp if she is then moving away- how much of a chance is there if reconciliation?

 

Think about it and see what it is you want to do and why, will it give you closure or hurt you more? Who knows... I don't want to give any specific advice given everyones circumstance and needs are so different.

 

Don't hurt yourself unnecessarily unless you really feel the need to get in touch.

 

Be careful and good lucky Crazy

[CrazyMiner]

Thanks for the reply Fraggle.

 

You're right. In my mind I would try and get back with her now and then let her take her 5 months or so in Australia to make up her mind on what she wanted to do. We'd still own the house then so that would also be an option when she moved back.

 

My head is telling me that whatever I do it will be not hope, yet my heart is saying that I will never forgive myself if I don't do something.

[CrazyMiner]

Just received this email from her:

 

Heya,

 

Just wanted to say sorry for rushing you on the phone

earlier, I should have just waited and known you were on

it. You know what im like when I know a task has to be

done, cant rest until its sorted!

Anyway, sorry, take your time. Starting a new job, especially

with you heading over to Ireland with training all the time

can be a nightmare so just let me know when you decide

which route forwards you want to go with and we will get

it sorted

 

Have a good night!

 

xx

 

Ha, odd that. She has never apologised... I was about to send her an email saying sorry for not getting it sorted sooner! That is probably the first time she has ever shown any concern about my feelings in the past year since we broke up.

[Fraggle]

Just received this email from her:

 

Heya,

 

Just wanted to say sorry for rushing you on the phone

earlier, I should have just waited and known you were on

it. You know what im like when I know a task has to be

done, cant rest until its sorted!

Anyway, sorry, take your time. Starting a new job, especially

with you heading over to Ireland with training all the time

can be a nightmare so just let me know when you decide

which route forwards you want to go with and we will get

it sorted

 

Have a good night!

 

xx

 

Ha, odd that. She has never apologised... I was about to send her an email saying sorry for not getting it sorted sooner! That is probably the first time she has ever shown any concern about my feelings in the past year since we broke up.

 

Some positive comments there but nothing that gives you a definite indication. Is it the house she is referring to when getting it sorted. At lease she seems relaxed and not aggressive.

 

Maybe drop her a text to gauge how she feels.... something light and humours to see how she responds. Alternatively give her a call or meet her and have a chat if you feel up to it?

[CrazyMiner]

Nah, nothing hinting at anything really. Yea, it's the house she is talking about in terms of getting it sorted. I'm still fairly surprised by the email, it is fairly out of character for her, especially referring to how I know what she is like etc.

 

If I was to drop her a text, what would I say? I wouldn't even know where to start!

[Fraggle]

Nah, nothing hinting at anything really. Yea, it's the house she is talking about in terms of getting it sorted. I'm still fairly surprised by the email, it is fairly out of character for her, especially referring to how I know what she is like etc.

 

If I was to drop her a text, what would I say? I wouldn't even know where to start!

 

Thats what you need to think about- how to approach and not send something that can be misconstrued.... hmmmm