Looking too hard for love - Does it work?

[Double J]

I'm wondering what everyone's perspective on this is?

 

I think it doesn't work. Someone once said "Why is it that the harder one tries, the more luck he seems to have," and that might apply in areas like work and sports, but it doesn't work in the world of love and dating. There have been times in the past where I've deliberately looked online and in school for someone, and it just doesn't work. I think your mindset should be simply to approach someone and make a friend, but forget about relationships and all of that. If it should happen, let it happen naturally.

 

People are usually very keen when it comes to detecting desperation. I've changed my ways, and another good pointer for you guys - It's always better when you already KNOW that the other person is interested in you. Makes it much easier.

[PAdreamer]

I am a firm believer in the concept that love finds you when you're not looking and you least expect it. Things like sports and work are areas where you gradually move up. But you have to have a relationship before you can build on your skills and abilities in that area. You CAN improve the way you approach relationships, but you have to develop them first. I don't know if that makes sense, lol.

[guy40az]

I have never had any success while I was really looking hard for love. It always happened when I was not looking, or I had decided I was going to just be single and take a break for a month. That's always when I seem to find someone. It really seems strange to me but that's how it has always happened for me.

[Empathy]

I believe that you should wait for love to come to but you should also look for it at the same time. Always keep an eye open for love. It could be right in front of your face one day and if you're not LOOKING, you might miss it.

[Scout]

A terrific question, and equally great replies. Keep 'em coming folks!

 

My personal take is that while we should be looking for love, we also should know what we want and what we don't want. We need to do work on ourselves so that when love does find it, we recognize it (and can distinguish between a potentially healthy relationship and a potentially toxic one), and that we ourselves are in a good place, ready for that love.

[ayekasong]

I also believe love happens when you least expect it. I met my boyfriend in an IRC chat room one day out of the blue. It wasn't a "meeting people" chat room, it was an anime chatroom actually. We started to talk and found we had many things in common, including the state we lived in. Further conversation led us to discover we were both going to be at the same place at the same time, so we figured, hey why not meet up?

 

We did and almost two-and-a-half years later we're still together. Love definitely happens when you least expect it.

[drahcir]

I know exactly how you feel. There have been soooooooo many times i have looked hard for love, and gone to extraordinary lengths to find someone, but have come back empty handed. But of course, the harder you try, the more it shows your level of commitment. If someone enters a relationship after trying very very hard to find someone, they tend to value that person more, because they know what it was like when they didn't have them.

 

Its true that being desparate can be a turn off, but showing passion can be very admirable also. Be passionate, not desparate. A desparate person despairs that they can't find love, but a passionate person knows that every failure is just another step on the path to success. What ever you do, don't lose your passion. I know you will truly value the person you find and love, however you find them.

[mochaleet]

I've heard the above advice on many an occasion, and the problem with looking too hard is that without results, unhappiness magnifies. The skill, of being able to let go of the desire to be with someone, has to develop. But how? By finding a purpose in life outside of romance.

 

Don't hide in cynicism, i.e. I will never find someone, but attend events that you will enjoy for the sake of the event. DO NOT FORCE yourself to attend group singles oriented cheese fests, you will be miserable. However, sometimes you want to grease the cogs, so a slightly forced dating situation is not the end of the world. It's a balance, but whatever your approach, be true to yourself and don't pretend to not care or not want love.

[chanceit]

I have a slighlty differnent opinion to what been said so far i think:

 

It is hard work finding love, but sometimes the hard bit is to do nothing and not to appear desperate and clingy.

 

But also you have to also put the time and effort into relationships with your friends and meeting new people.