He ended it and doesnt want to be with me but wont stop calling?

[sydneygirl87]

Hi everyone,

 

So my ex ended it with me 2 weeks ago now. As you will see from previous posts, i took it quite hard and had a week off to stay at home and cry my heart out. He broke up with me because basically he just feels that he cannot give me what i deserve or be in a relationship at the moment. We were still talking during the first week, and as i have gradually gotten a little stronger i have tried to initiate NC. He came over last week and stayed the night (yes stupid i know, i caved in) and then the next day changed his facebook to single, which crushed me. That was my breaking point and i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him and his games.

 

I went out on the weekend, on saturday morning he was calling me to ask if i had hooked up with anyone. He said he didnt care (he has never been the jealous type) but he just wanted to know. I told him that it is none of his business. Then i went out on saturday night, and he called me at 1am to 'remind me that daylight savings is over' ..... * * * ?! I was drunk so basically said thanks and hung up.

 

I was hungover and depressed on sunday so i called him and he was out and basically hung up on me.

 

I dont get it?!?!? I keep telling him to just leave me alone and he wont, i dont understand why he was calling me all weekend?!? He has seriously never been the jealous type so i dont get it?

[MissieP]

This is a classic dumper move....... He is trying to get a ego stroke and trying for breadcrumbs. He knows you are in a fragile state of mind so he knows he can push the buttons and when you say leave me alone that adds more fuel for him to keep pushing those buttons because again he knows you are in a fragile state of mind so he keeps doing it over and over again. Best thing you can do is ignore,ignore,ignore block his number and above all do not I repeat do not text him back and say leave me alone. If you ignore him he'll get the hint eventually

[nutbrownhare]

It sounds as though you're going through hell at the moment and I really feel for you. However, if you have any more contact with him it will only prolong the agony. He's picking you up and dropping you on a whim, while your feelings for him are as strong as they've ever been. Don't try to work out why he's treating you like this. Just work on the assumption that he's a heartless, self-absorbed jerk and you don't need him and his mind games in your life.

 

Rather than 'trying' to maintain NC - go for it whole heartedly. Delete his number from your phone, if necessary put a sticker saying 'Don't' on it in case you feel tempted to try, cut all contact in any other way and don't take his calls. While you're complaining - understandably - that he won't leave you alone, don't forget that you called HIM on Sunday. Remove all temptation to do this again.

 

Then... start by being nice to yourself. Hang out with people who understand your situation and make you feel good about yourself; either take up new interests or involve yourself in others which may have been neglected recently. Contact old friends you haven't seen for a while, but whatever you do - stop making him the focus of your life and shift it to yourself.

 

(((HUGS)))

[thousandyear]

Dumpers who end a relationship because they are not ready for commitment, which is what your ex sounds like given the reason that he gave you for ending the relationship, do not want to commit but yet they still desire a closeness with someone... so he is used to having you around, knowing what you do... and so his behaviour is quite selfish. He basically wants you around for him when he needs someone, but is not willing to commit.

 

My ex who ended our 5 year relationship about 1 year ago, still stuck around for months while he had hard time letting go (sent messages about missing me, etc)... then when I was about to stop contact on several occasions, he gave me false hope on several occasions... we had tried to work things out via help of mutual friends, yet he only listened but nothing of what others said really sunk in... it's been 1 year now since break-up and now I no longer believe that there is any hope of him changing his mind. So I told him I am letting go. He then said but we have so much in common and it's really hard to find someone who understands me and my work so well... can we stay good friends? Can I contact you? Here is a guy who has told me that I am not good enough for him (and his parents) as a life partner, yet I am good enough as a friend and would like to keep me around as one. Has he thought of my feelings? Probably, yet he still behaved in a way that is in his best interest. So basically if we don't make it clear to our ex, who clearly do not want us as their significant other, that their behaviour and treatment to us is unfair, they will not realize it. Eventually when they find someone else to fill the void, they will stop contacting us... so their contacting us is not a sign that he wants to get back together... it's just that he misses having someone in his life right now. So instead of thinking about him, think about what is best for you, how you can best heal... if that involves not contacting him, then make it clear to him that you do not wish to have any contacts right now. Otherwise, you may end up like me, spending 1 year in false hope, and even when we know that our ex has no intention of working things out, the fact that he continues to make contact will delay our healing. Right now the most important thing is to heal... so focus on that... focus on yourself. You deserve your love right now.